tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-41081272252660010922024-03-19T00:48:56.581-07:00The Short and the Tall of itstarting 2008 -- a riveting in-the-trenches story of a relatively short woman married to a tall man, their shortish daughter, shortish boys, and (once upon a time), a small big dog.the authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15723845940092746866noreply@blogger.comBlogger298125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4108127225266001092.post-28055978888467310462021-07-09T07:05:00.003-07:002021-07-09T07:09:06.865-07:0007.09.2021 -- Olivia, Opera and Wrinkles<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-eb4GaFaPH3oYFb-X7yIZgH2PUl_GpeDO4tIjy92A88669z4EAI1k_LZi7U98A7n2McjO7HSB2dTp-M5R221y0EbmR7NklBB1ReNVE2lJ1EpOimiItpIw-ANxR27hMBdZvutNhPa7daCK/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="333" data-original-width="400" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-eb4GaFaPH3oYFb-X7yIZgH2PUl_GpeDO4tIjy92A88669z4EAI1k_LZi7U98A7n2McjO7HSB2dTp-M5R221y0EbmR7NklBB1ReNVE2lJ1EpOimiItpIw-ANxR27hMBdZvutNhPa7daCK/" width="288" /></a></div><br /><br /><p></p><p>Because of Olivia, I was exploring opera online with our little one recently (R<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPrCZM8IVcs">emember how she dreams of being an opera singer</a>?) We went down the rabbit hole watching these amazing singers. Like Maria Callas...</p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/s-TwMfgaDC8" width="320" youtube-src-id="s-TwMfgaDC8"></iframe></div><div><br /></div><br /><p>When people ask "What kind of music do you like?" I used to say "Most things--just not death metal and opera." But watching these artists perform on video has changed that for me. It actually shifted that night laying in bed with Lena. It really makes me sad that I never got to see my cousin perform. She studied opera in college. </p><p>We went way past her bedtime watching opera. When we came across a video of a young soprano (Katherine Jenkins) performing with an older mezzo-soprano (Cheryl Baker) singing the very famous <a href="https://musictales.club/article/flower-duet-lakm%C3%A9-love-drama-indian-girl-and-british-soldier-made-airborne">Flower Duet</a>. </p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/EBy0dK3aj-Y" width="320" youtube-src-id="EBy0dK3aj-Y"></iframe></div><p><br /></p><p>Beautiful!</p><p>I sensed it was a good time to talk to Lena about age. Sometimes kids can be a little reluctant to interact with someone who is older who looks different than the younger people they're usually around.</p><p><br /></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p>Me: This singer is a little older. She looks a little different, right? Sometimes when people get older, they get some wrinkles. Sometimes they have lots of wrinkles! I think lots of the best people have lots of wrinkles, don't you?</p><p>Lena: <i>Looking up at me, adoringly as she strokes my face. </i>Yes, Mom, they do.</p><p>Me: (<i>Wow. She means me.</i>)</p></blockquote>the authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15723845940092746866noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4108127225266001092.post-4196500822312153362021-07-08T23:16:00.006-07:002021-07-09T11:14:24.696-07:0007.08.2021 -- Polished Rocks<p><span style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.amnh.org/explore/ology/earth/all-about-jade/what-makes-jade-special-raw-jade" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="960" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5Fe7Jlmo0C1LxJIlpcdXQNRrAw5047UVG5DioTIIVuoj_8xyxfTq2UOLAXtM1nyxTEMXf2XmUoK8U4FEQH6FUrqNzgZsrsOInhIds7qdX3r_5Lu5CeMGdv078pShjUbTm66Srg6m0hKrJ/" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p><span style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px;">When she was 5, our daughter, Lucy, was fascinated with rocks. It got to the point where her rock collection had to be moved outside and became her rock garden. For her birthday, she asked for a rock polisher. That seemed like a good idea―a nice way to pass the time and learn a few things. Plus, polished rocks are beautiful.</span></p><p class="p4" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-kerning: none;">Even when I looked into it and saw the price, I went ahead. They aren’t cheap!</span></p><p class="p5" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 21px;"><span style="background-color: #fff2cc;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p4" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-kerning: none;">When Lucy opened the polisher, we were all a little disappointed. I think I was expecting a machine where you dropped a rock in and, after going through a lot of spinning brushes and it would come out polished in a few seconds.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p class="p5" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 21px;"><span style="background-color: #fff2cc;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p4" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-kerning: none;">For those of you who don’t know, a rock polisher is a system that slowly rolls a can with a tight fitting lid. It was a really expensive rolling can.</span></p><p class="p5" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 21px;"><span style="background-color: #fff2cc;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p4" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-kerning: none;">What polishes rocks is <i>other rocks</i>. You can add some things to help the process, but really, it’s just rocks knocking tiny bits off other rocks until they’re smooth.</span></p><p class="p5" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 21px;"><span style="background-color: #fff2cc;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p4" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-kerning: none;">Polishing rocks can take as little as one week, or as long as two months. You plug in the tumbler and the can rolls constantly. 24/7. There are a lot of little things that make a difference, but basically, you just let the rocks roll around and until they make each other smooth. That’s a lot longer than the few seconds I had imagined.</span></p><p class="p4" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p4" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-kerning: none;">What a lovely metaphor.</span></p><p class="p5" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 21px;"><span style="background-color: #fff2cc;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p4" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-kerning: none;">In <a href="https://abn.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2020/10/51eyring?lang=eng">“Tested, Proved and Polished,” </a>Henry B. Eyring says that the purpose of the Creation of this world was “to give [God's] children the opportunity to prove themselves able and willing to choose the right when it is hard. In so doing, their natures would be changed and they could become more like Him.” I agree with him.</span></p><p class="p5" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 21px;"><span style="background-color: #fff2cc;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p6" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 16px;"><span class="s1" style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-kerning: none;">I believe that we are here on Earth to be changed―to become more selfless, more compassionate, more courageous and more loving--like Jesus Christ. We’re here to have our edges knocked off― to have opportunities to choose the right when it is hard. Every time we respond to a hard situation with a good choice, we're polished a bit more.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p class="p6" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 16px;"><span class="s1" style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-kerning: none;">There are all kinds of discomforts and trials that provide us with polishing opportunities. Sometimes we’re tired and didn't eat anything but Cheez-it crackers for lunch and our sister is standing too close--so close you can feel her breathing on you. </span></p><p class="p6" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 16px;"><span class="s1" style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-kerning: none;">Lots of times, we’re asked to do things we don't want to do. Jobs are lost. Money is tight. Families come apart. Our bodies hurt. Our hearts hurt. We don’t feel good. We get lonely. We watch other people who seem to have no troubles at all and it doesn’t feel fair.</span></p><p class="p6" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 16px;"><span class="s1" style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-kerning: none;">Each time we face hardship, light, heavy, or crushing, we have a chance to become a little smoother. A little kinder, a little more faithful, more loving, more forgiving and confident in Him.</span></p><p class="p6" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 16px;"><span class="s1" style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-kerning: none;">There are a couple of points I wanted to make about lapidary. Did you know that the word for a person who polishes rocks is the same as the word for the action of polishing rocks? So, two points about lapidary:<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><ol class="ol1"><li class="li7" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 16px;"><span class="s2" style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-kerning: none;">You need to know your rocks.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></li><li class="li7" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 16px;"><span class="s2" style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-kerning: none;">The process transforms them.</span></li></ol><p class="p6" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 16px;"><span class="s1" style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-kerning: none;">1. All rocks are not the same. A good lapidary knows agate is different than jasper. quartz is different than feldspar. It matters what rocks you put together. A good lapidary knows that an unpolished rock often starts out looking very different than a polished one.</span></p><p class="p6" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 16px;"><span class="s1" style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-kerning: none;">Last weekend, our four year-old, Lena, and I were waiting to watch Lucy complete in a cheerleading competition. It had been a long day. There was a lot of standing in lines that barely moved. To pass the time, we’d been playing hide and go seek, but we needed to switch it up. Lena noticed the little rocks in the flower beds and made up a hiding game. She would show<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>me a few rocks in her hand, then I would turn around and she would hide them―in the other rocks. I had a really, really hard time finding those rocks. They all looked the same to me--but Lena found them easily. </span></p><p class="p6" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 16px;"><span class="s1" style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-kerning: none;">She knew exactly where each one was.</span></p><p class="p6" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 16px;"><span class="s1" style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-kerning: none;">Sometimes, I think, we feel unnoticed and overlooked like a pebble in a handful of gravel. But our Father in heaven knows us. He knows exactly where we are.</span></p><p class="p6" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 16px;"><span class="s1" style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-kerning: none;">2. Polishing changes a rock―but it changes it by refining what’s already there, not by replacing it. The sharp edges are smoothed, but if anything, once a rock is polished, you see more of what makes it uniquely beautiful, not less. It’s colors become brighter and clearer.</span></p><p class="p6" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 16px;"><span class="s1" style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-kerning: none;">In Doctrine and Covenants 58:4, it says, “after much tribulation come the blessings.”</span></p><p class="p6" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 16px;"><span class="s1" style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-kerning: none;">Henry B. Eyring added, “The greatest blessing that will come when we prove ourselves faithful to our covenants during our trials will be a change in our natures.”</span></p><p class="p6" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 16px;"><span class="s1" style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-kerning: none;">You can put plain, unremarkable rocks into a tumbler and they will emerge treasures. But it takes a long time to chip off the outer layers. Sometimes, they’re so different when they come out, they’re unrecognizable.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p class="p6" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 16px;"><span class="s1" style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-kerning: none;">Eyring says: “By our choosing to keep our covenants, the power of Jesus Christ and the blessings of His Atonement can work in us. Our hearts can be softened to love, to forgive, and to invite others to come unto the Savior. Our confidence in the Lord increases. Our fears decrease.” <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p class="p6" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 16px;"><span class="s1" style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-kerning: none;">We are polished.</span></p><p class="p8" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-kerning: none;">Eyring continued “I have seen people rise to great heights through proving faithful in terrible trials. Across the Church today are examples. People are driven to their knees by adversity. By their faithful endurance and effort, they become more like the Savior and our Heavenly Father.</span></p><p class="p5" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 21px;"><span style="background-color: #fff2cc;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p6" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 16px;"><span class="s1" style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-kerning: none;">In Moses 1:39 in the Doctrine and Covenants, the Lord says,“For behold, this is my work and my glory―to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.”</span></p><p class="p6" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 16px;"><span class="s1" style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-kerning: none;">Our immortality and eternal life is His work and his glory. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p class="p6" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 16px;"><span class="s1" style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-kerning: none;">This is why He allows us to “go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind” It’s because all these things shall give [us] experience, and shall be for [our] good.”</span></p><p class="p6" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 16px;"><span class="s1" style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-kerning: none;">Through this tribulation, He sees us. As Henry B. Eyring says, “He may not remove the burden, but He will give [us] strength, comfort, and hope. He knows the way. He drank the bitter cup. He endured the suffering of all.”<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p class="p6" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 16px;"><span class="s1" style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-kerning: none;">He invites us to remember him, to learn of him―to feast upon his words and keep the covenants we have made with Him. He invites to accept the guidance and comfort he provides through the Holy Ghost, and to lift others, even when we are suffering ourselves.</span></p><p class="p6" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 16px;"><span class="s1" style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-kerning: none;">Looking beyond our own circle of uncertainty or suffering can be difficult, but it can bring real relief. Service is the life hack of life hacks. If you’re having a hard time, help someone else. It will make your life better.</span></p><p class="p6" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 16px;"><span class="s1" style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-kerning: none;">About 15 years ago, when we learned at a check-up that Lucy needed brain surgery the next day, I was a mess. Somehow, I made a really good decision in that uncertainty. I just went across the street to help with a little service project, but it made a huge difference for me. It calmed me and brought me peace.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p class="p6" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 16px;"><span class="s1" style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-kerning: none;">When I look back on my life, I often forget the hard times. But, besides great stories, these challenges have given me some of my greatest treasures. These experiences have helped me grow personally and increased my faith.</span></p><p class="p6" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 16px;"><span class="s1" style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-kerning: none;">Even when we realize that pain and challenges strengthen and refine us, none of us are standing in line to suffer. But this is the way it’s done. I believe that each of us are here on Earth to be tested, proved and polished so that, in the end, we can join Him.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p class="p6" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 16px;"><span class="s1" style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-kerning: none;"><span class="Apple-converted-space"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p6" style="font-family: "Toppan Bunkyu Gothic"; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 16px;"><span class="s1" style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-kerning: none;"><span class="Apple-converted-space"></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgURHaOLAfyWomPLVxaULkp6FaoBHsPPPHyTGk5tSu0OhfvzZgMf1oPlEv08R8xqOd1TJWL0xi4biBh5vb1ykqRy7pLhyIju-LSwdTRyIjmHILjm9JMJpT6xYIxUG0gXXJRYYokEmc6fVhV/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="511" data-original-width="768" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgURHaOLAfyWomPLVxaULkp6FaoBHsPPPHyTGk5tSu0OhfvzZgMf1oPlEv08R8xqOd1TJWL0xi4biBh5vb1ykqRy7pLhyIju-LSwdTRyIjmHILjm9JMJpT6xYIxUG0gXXJRYYokEmc6fVhV/" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><br /><p></p>the authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15723845940092746866noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4108127225266001092.post-29432009123422827952021-01-20T23:14:00.002-08:002021-07-09T10:58:05.589-07:0008.30.2019 -- Fish or Cut Bait<div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.tweetspeakpoetry.com/2015/09/17/top-10-fishing-poems/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="491" data-original-width="740" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-gC7TT2nfi_UvyB58rxyXGUut97MipgSsMWm15L1o6dbDv29ilQjhvnup-IwWpns2EQKLY447nb8C5R7r6qIET9ngX_gdAandwZQ-ZwH742JlRzf-9upQbgDe5-YW6UJ3595kUL8YgZMb/" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /></div><div><br /></div>I'm a nerd. Proof? I just looked up the definition of nerd and looked at four different sites.<br />
<br />
As a nerd, I looked for the etymology of "fish or cut bait." See, I thought I knew what it meant, but I'm often wrong and (more often that that) learn a lot by looking stuff up. (Thanks, Mom!)<br />
<br />
Lots of times, when people look for the origin of a word or expression, the word or expression can be traced back definitively. Other times, there are different theories about how the word or expression came into use. "Fish or cut bait," for example!<br />
<br />
According to a few not-exhaustively searched internet sources, this expression may have/probably started with fishermen who were faced with a choice to either keep a fish or cut it up for bait. Another explanation (one that I have been using) is that a fisherman is faced with a decision to either keep fishing (in an unproductive spot--hoping the unproductive trend will change), or cut bait--meaning cut the line, losing the bait, in order to try fishing in a different spot. In other words, to keep trying, or to cut your losses.<br />
<br />
When I looked it up, I was pretty surprised that this isn't a phrase that everyone agrees on!<br />
<a href="https://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/fish-or-cut-bait.html">Phrases.org.uk</a><span id="goog_1759953738"></span><a href="https://www.blogger.com/"></a><span id="goog_1759953739"></span> says that this expression is "one of the US phrases that the rest of the world doesn't understand," which makes me smile. I'm pretty sure the person who wrote it was smiling when they typed it in, too.<br />
<br />
Anyway. To <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=cut+to+the+chase+etymology&oq=cut+to+the+chase+etymology&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l2.6508j0j4&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8">cut to the chase</a>, "<i>fish or cut bait</i>" means <i><b>either</b></i> to decide whether to continue or to cease (and in stopping, lose some vested interest), <i><b>or</b></i> to decide between two activities and get started. <span style="font-size: xx-small;">I mean, maybe. I could be wrong.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">***</span><br />
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the authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15723845940092746866noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4108127225266001092.post-11132543123923237712021-01-20T22:43:00.003-08:002021-01-20T23:23:21.727-08:002020 -- Some pictures.<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVcVACx0avpAL0tLSuGdmcBHOVq7Ccgxst2IyNEoDhI2-lvDxurJAjp_AmxRCeLVFUPNPb1b0Xx0BIt3SNSUknvis4zHhPZswYoo1Lz7dzOlKEQ7g5gJRHWgeoimz1e5h4BS6ldYwJHQ0G/s2048/IMG_6292.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1463" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVcVACx0avpAL0tLSuGdmcBHOVq7Ccgxst2IyNEoDhI2-lvDxurJAjp_AmxRCeLVFUPNPb1b0Xx0BIt3SNSUknvis4zHhPZswYoo1Lz7dzOlKEQ7g5gJRHWgeoimz1e5h4BS6ldYwJHQ0G/s320/IMG_6292.jpg" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRWH5CLd_rcX2jLZ1jYklVgQVyxCcSxF0HIT51DGnOkQ4-4b7gl7akI-lTjl-1_NkXdLQLIRYbgXt-o5GZtqXkU4e2sP0FI4FKeT4RnkaH5Twq4DYqvTKeRkZRxzGZp7JMpqmYRYR_rgfN/s2048/lsOBbBgLToWuzHyFl%2525ZOsQ.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; 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text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheEr0ki114RHsp_Eb7m4DloNb2FSYMnZ-ftCZ_egT1RqPdgfJpWD2t4z_trxIPQjjhQnRS82_izkqLT1wlqIqPz8SHUwmJ5GcNLRVuRlj-R4zCLk_55cV91OXcsy9KqchpgW1_5Di2I5-N/s2048/20200613-_97A6856-Edit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1365" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheEr0ki114RHsp_Eb7m4DloNb2FSYMnZ-ftCZ_egT1RqPdgfJpWD2t4z_trxIPQjjhQnRS82_izkqLT1wlqIqPz8SHUwmJ5GcNLRVuRlj-R4zCLk_55cV91OXcsy9KqchpgW1_5Di2I5-N/s320/20200613-_97A6856-Edit.jpg" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW1Jg609YCuyq_mR13-faf1CN0-iifR4Ks-qRnB9U_jO-tcNpeZ_8VZEAXlSnxAlkU-2TNfm9qqFd_7qEP7AUWaNVSoGiShTn2Ka-UL6lzPuDMnf9hpxs4h-3HGtkvvYkHBcBNQOvMFJhc/s4032/fullsizeoutput_d2c.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW1Jg609YCuyq_mR13-faf1CN0-iifR4Ks-qRnB9U_jO-tcNpeZ_8VZEAXlSnxAlkU-2TNfm9qqFd_7qEP7AUWaNVSoGiShTn2Ka-UL6lzPuDMnf9hpxs4h-3HGtkvvYkHBcBNQOvMFJhc/s320/fullsizeoutput_d2c.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /> <p></p>the authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15723845940092746866noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4108127225266001092.post-3980621416884657942021-01-20T21:57:00.008-08:002021-07-09T11:05:36.783-07:0001.20.2021 - Bridges Alight<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #0000ee;"><u><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.cbc.ca/radio/asithappens/as-it-happens-monday-edition-1.3509504/saskatchewan-man-feels-awful-about-historic-bridge-he-set-on-fire-1.3509506" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="439" data-original-width="780" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5vR7blfZNYGAyvEss4Zagaymep_LRzRPJpEHuWJcJvSxHIlNVmsn-oIVRWTFgjJnbRso_aKDREa1lXrcOCI1X6attxM6WF7-WdFf9EFl0kp-EBc6ujPlT0_czdz3Z_1GsDYijVst5Bp5W/s320/porcupine-plain-train-bridge-fire.webp" width="320" /></a></div><br /></u></span></div></div><br /><p></p><p>Heaven help us. It is stunning how wide a variety of approaches there are to Covid19.</p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p>-It's a hoax. There is no "deadly" virus. This is a conspiracy to bring naive people into submission and to gain control. Masks are part of this manipulation and actually harm people.</p><p>-Coronavirus is real, sure, but it's no big deal. It's basically a cold. I am not going to stop living my life to avoid getting a cold. If I die, I die.</p><p>-Okay, so I don't want coronavirus. It's really rough on some people. I'll wear a mask at the store, and I will stay away from sick people, but I am still going to see my friends and family because my mental health is just as important as avoiding this virus that will probably just be an inconvenience. If I die, I die.</p><p>-Life goes on, but very differently. I am socializing via zoom and facetime to avoid spreading covid. I'm avoiding travel and groups larger than 5 or 10 in my pod. We need to act together to keep numbers down so hospitals aren't overwhelmed and vulnerable parts of our population don't die.</p><p>-I stay inside. Masks are important, but not as good as isolation. If we all stayed inside for a few weeks, this thing would actually get under control. The numbers are soaring, this disease is spread by people who are asymptomatic more than half of the time. Stay inside, stay safe.</p></blockquote><p>And, of course, there will be a mix. Everyone has their own comfort level with exposure and isolation. What's easy to forget is that people come to these points of view with a lifetime of experience. Their approach isn't likely to change just because they read an article or because a friend tells them they should do something differently.</p><p>I am a worrier. I feel a responsibility to other humans to try to protect them as much as I protect myself.</p><p>You might say that I worry too much, that I overthink things and that it's not that big of a deal, and you'd probably be right, but that won't change my values or my point-of-view.</p><p>I'm also an extrovert. I can be exhausted and depressed, but if you put me in a group of people, chances are very good that I will emerge from that social event energized and happy. (To make things more interesting, consider that I am an expert at finding reasons not to leave my house, even when there isn't a pandemic.)</p><p>Finally, there are six people in my family, counting myself. This means that there are 6 different points of view coming from 6 different brains and bodies. Some of these I have control over, some I don't. I can tell someone in my family to wear a mask, but they'll mostly do as they please.</p><p>What feels best to <i>me</i> these days is manage my air. I feel comfortable wearing a mask all the time unless I'm only with the people I live with. I'm also comfortable going maskless outside or in an area with good ventilation. What makes sense to me is to imagine someone smoking. If I'm smoking a cigarette, does the ventilation allow the smoke to dissipate without bothering others and vice versa? If not, I want to wear a mask.</p><p>I do take risks. My children go to practices and don't always wear masks there. I've recently allowed them to hang out with friends without masks. These are friends they spend hours with daily in the gym, and I still ask them to wear masks most of the time, but sometimes I get tired of being vigilant--tired of being the mask nazi. I am functioning a little out of my comfort zone in order to allow some socialization for my kids within a pod, but it's not all or nothing. </p><p>There is a meme that was going around toward the start of the pandemic that said something like "Check on your extrovert friends in lockdown--they are not okay." I think this was written by an extrovert in lockdown. I think it was a cry for help.</p><p>I have had a few breakdowns in the past year. One of the sources of my distress has been my social life and the social life of my family. I know a lot of people who have not seemed to limit much, if anything, to avoid coronavirus--people I want to spend time with--people who matter to me and my family. When one party is living unrestricted and another party (me) is trying not to socialize unless it's with masks or outside, there's a disconnect.</p><p>It doesn't mean someone is wrong. (Time will tell.) </p><p>But there's a disconnect.</p><p>If my kid is invited to hang out and I say no, that means my kid is on the outside. Take that situation and multiply it by 50 and it has pretty big implications. When you keep saying no, people stop asking. It is painful to feel like I am killing my kids' friendships. It is painful to feel like I am killing my own friendships. It is painful to be invited to a party or dinner and to either go and feel like I am being reckless or to decline and put another brick in the wall between me and them.</p><p>It doesn't help to say I am declining because of coronavirus. Maybe I'm imagining things, but I can see it coming off as judgmental--<i>Oh, you think we're going to give you Covid? Oh, you won't come hang out because you're better than us, following the rules?</i> Hypocritical--<i>I saw you riding in a car with someone and you didn't have a mask on--You didn't mind traveling and being exposed when you wanted to go out of town. </i>Or extreme<i>--You have really taken this too far. You're a little crazy. You do realize it's not the end of the world...</i></p><p>I am afraid I am burning bridges. I don't mean that in the way you would say "I'm afraid we're out of toast. Would you like an english muffin?" I am <i>afraid</i> that my relationships are being wrecked by the incredibly hard choices (for <i>me</i> they're hard) that present themselves almost daily. I am actually <i>afraid</i> that this will have a lasting negative impact on me and my family.</p><p>This is a NO WIN situation. Not being invited isn't fun. Being invited and declining isn't fun. Being invited and going without a mask doesn't feel right for me. Being invited and going--possibly being the only one to wear a mask feels strange but might be the best option for me. But it's hard to be different. It's not always easy to wear a mask when others don't. It feels in-your-face.</p><p>I want to spend time with friends and I want to do what I think is best. I know that my reasons and experience aren't going to be the same as other people's. I know that I could catch Covid and transmit it to someone without feeling the slightest bit ill. That's how it was with my sister-in-law. </p><p>If I (or my family) were to spread this illness and someone were to get really sick. I don't know if I would be able to forgive myself. But if I wear a mask or stay outside and stay in my pod, I would feel like I tried hard enough. </p><p>I beg you--if you don't understand why I am not joining you, or why my kids aren't joining you--please give us the benefit of the doubt. Please don't write us off. I am doing my best to give you the benefit of the doubt, too. </p><p>In a perfect world (according to me), we would have no problem talking about all of this. No feelings would be hurt, no judgement passed--only good wishes. </p><p>Also: I might be overthinking this. 😏</p>the authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15723845940092746866noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4108127225266001092.post-47361436348191459942020-07-07T12:34:00.005-07:002021-07-11T06:56:50.593-07:0007.07.2020 -- All in the Family<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://images.app.goo.gl/xJCm8h1ezrdQx3cRA" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="864" data-original-width="1296" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0YBTDaECxUw69i4s5NrDAl1QAvsbcbZN5bdIg5I7Fj8CKZm9ssuiuLKpd8TsCfRqa-bSlpnO5Fp1W5PnUedKNstVwWfUQppKt8uQXbxyK5FWA1CRDoU3TIJ3ZsAIGNcZXEmBiPh7W27YS/s320/paper+family+cutout+in+hands.png" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Story time:<br />
<br />
When I was growing up, there was a family--I'll call them the Yahoos--who were infamous for not having a television. Not one. If we were to find a current equivalent, it might be like finding a family who didn't have internet or smart phones.<br />
<br />
Years later, news about the family worked its way among the people who still (or used to) live in the neighborhood.<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif">Emily turned out to be a knockout.<br /><i>Yes!</i><br />Remember those braces and the hair?<br />...and Aaron is CEO now of Big Fancy Coorporation!</span></blockquote>
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There will always be those families--you know the ones--the outliers. They're the ones who are more intense, or <i>less</i>. The ones who spend time differently--the ones who dress differently or... just act differently. They're <i>weird, scary, or don't meet community standards</i>. Outliers. They stand out, and often, they stand outside. Maybe you come from one of those families. Maybe you are one of these families.<br />
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We all thought we had the Yahoos figured out: they were backward--had no social skills and were... not attractive. We were wrong.<br />
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Some families "are all lazy," or "are alcoholics." They're "dropouts and good-for-nothings." <i>True? </i>How about the kid from the lazy family who got a job weeding at the local farm when he was 14 and rode the bus there and back? What about the kid from the family of alcoholics who never touched a drop and became an award-winning teacher? What about the kid from the family of good-for-nothings who worked his way up the corporate ladder and now manages strategy implementation for the region?<br />
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Furthermore, what about the kid from the family of "the best people" who is addicted to heroin and has a long criminal record? What about the kid whose parents are teachers who got caught cheating on that big test? What about the kid from the "rich family" who panhandles and lives on the street?<br />
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The point is, when we refer to families as a whole, making blanket statements or judgements, we are almost always wrong. Yes, some members of the family <i>might</i> fit the stereotype, but, even when humans come from the same family and live in the same house--sharing so much--people are just too different to be seen accurately unless they're seen <i>as individuals.</i><br />
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I'm reading <u><a href="https://www.ibramxkendi.com/how-to-be-an-antiracist-1">How to be an Anti-Racist</a></u> right now, and this is how my brain made sense of the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCxbl5QgFZw">Ibram X. Kendi's message</a>.<br />
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First: Anyone (and mostly...everyone) can be (or is) racist some of the time.<br />
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Second: Racism is simply a failure to see or look for the individual. It is racist to say "white people don't care about food." It isn't racist to say Ben Smythe doesn't care about food. It is racist to say "blacks are allergic to everything," because many black people don't have allergies at all. It's racist to say (racial group) are greedy and don't care about other people. It's racist to say (racial group) are generous and loving.<div><br /></div><div>Because individuals cannot be defined by their race.<br />
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Simple, right? The task at hand, maybe, is to start noticing racism, and to (as he says) take the stigma out of saying something or someone is being racist. Awareness is the first step.</div>the authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15723845940092746866noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4108127225266001092.post-51361988966537793892020-07-07T11:44:00.005-07:002021-01-20T23:26:21.444-08:0007.07.2020 -- Still Life<div style="color: #222222; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
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<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My middle-aged elbows rest </span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">on the edge of a table--</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">finish worn away</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">by 20 years of scribbling, scrubbing</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">and small acts of creative destruction.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The kitchen counters </span><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">display </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">promising </span><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">watermelon, bananas, and limes, </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">letters: requests and </span><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">balances </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">of children's bank accounts,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">filled bit by bit by</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">putting and taking dishes,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">wiping dog nose smears from windows,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">wiping floors, toilets, sinks, mirrors,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">and pushing a lawn mower. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There are clean and dirty </span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">cloths and rags, </span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">a tin tea set </span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">for </span><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">parties with real and imaginary friends,</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">notebooks, journals, </span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">books of scripture and fanciful stories,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">swimming towels, bath towels, </span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">the top part of</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">a damp, polka-dot cherry swimsuit</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">with ruffles,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">allergy management supplies,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">and Chinese flash cards.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">A heavy vase--</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">recently emptied of </span><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">roses, lilies and orchids,</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">gross display of affection</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">from one imperfect spouse to another--</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">waits to be tucked away </span><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">in </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">a corner</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">of a cupboard </span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">with others.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There is hand sanitizer </span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">and </span><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">a child-sized mask,</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">protection</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">amid a pandemic.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">All signs of </span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">living,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">chaos, </span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">striving, </span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9cb9c; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">and love.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="im" style="background-color: white; color: #500050; font-size: x-small;"></span><span class="im" style="background-color: white; color: #500050; font-size: x-small;"></span><span class="im" style="background-color: white; color: #500050; font-size: x-small;"></span><span class="im" style="background-color: white; color: #500050; font-size: x-small;"></span></span>the authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15723845940092746866noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4108127225266001092.post-63394203912457489082020-06-07T09:41:00.004-07:002021-01-20T23:28:01.867-08:0006.07.2020 -- Conflict Resolution by Gladys Sitati<div style="color: #222222; font-family: baskerville; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: justify; text-indent: 48px;">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;">What you'll find below is a shortened and edited (to make the shorter version clear, I hope) version of an address by Gladys Sitati at BYU Women's Conference in 2017. You can find the whole talk by clicking on the title. I love this talk. I only shortened it to allow people with less time to get through it faster, but I recommend reading or listening to the whole thing. She is so wise.</span></blockquote>
<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><span style="font-size: medium; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #674ea7;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: medium; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="color: #1155cc; font-size: x-large;"><a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://www.churchhistorianspress.org/at-the-pulpit/part-4/chapter-54?lang%3Deng%23note13&source=gmail&ust=1591582793743000&usg=AFQjCNGXfSERR_Wsha2QEHheAYRhnH6hkA" href="https://www.churchhistorianspress.org/at-the-pulpit/part-4/chapter-54?lang=eng#note13" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">Resolving Conflict </a></span></span></span><span style="color: #674ea7; font-size: x-large;"><a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://www.churchhistorianspress.org/at-the-pulpit/part-4/chapter-54?lang%3Deng%23note13&source=gmail&ust=1591582793743000&usg=AFQjCNGXfSERR_Wsha2QEHheAYRhnH6hkA" href="https://www.churchhistorianspress.org/at-the-pulpit/part-4/chapter-54?lang=eng#note13" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank"><span style="color: #1155cc; text-align: center;">Using Gospel Prin</span><span style="color: #1155cc; text-align: center;">ciples</span><span style="color: #1155cc; text-align: center;"> </span></a></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><span style="color: #674ea7; font-size: x-large; text-align: center;">by </span><span style="color: #674ea7; font-size: x-large; text-align: center;">Gladys Sitati</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><img alt="love tree.png" class="CToWUd a6T" data-image-whitelisted="" height="200" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0?ui=2&ik=dc66272120&attid=0.1&permmsgid=msg-a:r-7531763975300649651&th=1728c93958098469&view=fimg&sz=s0-l75-ft&attbid=ANGjdJ_1X6tYy2rSoisnIKGOkcI1__6mLAC_9q2fZ0wSGNsgZGmK4WBd4g-afdzLyo0vd_-i96zX218_eER9PsON88yOEaTSui0PY4FPNhhIJCouj5wAOqT7UNzJTTw&disp=emb&realattid=ii_kb4ehzwk1" style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; margin-right: 0px; outline: 0px;" tabindex="0" title="" width="188" /><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">“As I considered the topic, I wondered if there is anyone I know who has lived a life without conflict and contention. Contention comes easily, even with those we truly love and desire the best for. It is difficult to always be on guard and to always remember who we are when those we love and are close to do things that we sincerely disagree with or things that provoke us.</span> <span style="font-kerning: none;">Let me mention a few areas from which contention between people can arise:</span> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><span style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "zapf dingbats";"><span style="font-size: small;">❁</span></span><span style="font-family: "zapf dingbats";"> </span><b>Lack of communication </b></span><b>leads to misunderstanding, wrong expectations, and undesirable conclusions, distrust, and suspicion</b></span> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><span style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "zapf dingbats";"><span style="font-size: small;">❁</span></span><b>...Rush judgments, assumptions about others, </b></span><b>leads to misrepresentation of other people’s intentions, to hurting other people’s feelings</b></span> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><span style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "zapf dingbats";"><span style="font-size: small;">❁</span></span><span style="font-family: "zapf dingbats";"> </span><b>A competitive spirit driven by pride, </b></span><b>fuels dislike, feelings of anger, and isolation</b></span> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><span style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: "zapf dingbats";"><span style="font-size: small;">❁</span></span><span style="font-family: "zapf dingbats";"> </span><b>Differing cultural values, </b></span><b>[can] lead to distrust, suspicion, prejudice, and profiling of others</b></span> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">[We live in a world of differences of opinion and conflict, but] conflict and contention are not inevitable. What we do to prevent or escalate it is a choice we make. May I share with you five of the principles we have been taught that can help us to avoid conflict and contention?</span> </span></blockquote>
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<b style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><img alt="happy tree.png" class="CToWUd a6T" data-image-whitelisted="" height="306" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0?ui=2&ik=dc66272120&attid=0.4&permmsgid=msg-a:r-7531763975300649651&th=1728c93958098469&view=fimg&sz=s0-l75-ft&attbid=ANGjdJ_rUdB1GEUSou6DrPup6N6csKeWpKZOJJyfUdV_kxBh6CawZ7hgcyFDwDuJ2SNBnxaDwWrnZca6GOhrV5Nwr4JBDnY_FkAmsUIx5SN2QCbzyaXZ_fTtOdR1ziw&disp=emb&realattid=ii_kb4f8mq92" style="margin-right: 0px; outline: 0px;" tabindex="0" width="320" /></b></div>
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<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><b style="color: #222222;"><span style="color: #674ea7;">1- The first principle is having faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. </span></b> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">Faith is a principle of action and power, and whenever we work toward a worthy goal, we are exercising our faith. In the course of our labors, as we exercise patience, meekness, and humility, with purity of heart, our spirituality will grow and flourish. Our actions can then transcend all human barriers, including cultural, economic, and political associations.</span> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">Elder Richard G. Scott counsels us: “Reach out to those living in adverse circumstances. Be a true friend. This kind of enduring friendship is like asphalt that fills the potholes of life and makes the journey smoother and more pleasant. … Welcome into your home others who need to be strengthened by such an experience. … Recognize the good in others, not their stains. At times a stain needs appropriate attention to be cleansed, but always build on his or her virtues.”</span> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">The Savior teaches us, “And if any man among you be strong in the Spirit, let him take with him him that is weak, that he may be edified in all meekness, that he may become strong also.”</span> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">If we do this, any prejudices and fears we may have had will melt away, as our knowledge and our love for those we live among increases.</span> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"><b><span style="color: #674ea7;">2- The second principle that can help us avoid conflict is being worthy to have the companionship of the Holy Ghost in our lives.</span><span style="color: #5e5e5e;"> </span></b></span> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">In a situation of developing conflict, the Holy Ghost may help us best when we deliberately think about the problem in advance. <span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></span> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">We could therefore write down several possible actions to take that could help us avoid the contention. After pondering and deciding on the best action to take, we could humbly go to Heavenly Father in prayer to ask for his approval. He will send the Holy Ghost to provide a confirming witness and to guide us on actual things to do. To have the full benefit of that<b> </b>witness and guidance, we need to trust the Lord and his timing and be ready to do all that we can.</span> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"><b><span style="color: #674ea7;">3- The third principle that can help us is prayer. </span></b></span> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"><b><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b>Christ taught: “…Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.”</span><span style="font-kerning: none;"><b><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></span> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">A story told by President Howard W. Hunter when he was a bishop illustrates the workings of this principle. A member of his ward came to him to tell him there was a man in the congregation he did not like. President Hunter told the brother to go home and pray for this man morning and evening and then report back after two weeks. When the brother came back, he said that he had learned that the man had problems and needed help. He was going to help the man. </span> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;">Such experiences give us the hope to pray for those we have bad feelings against or those who have done wrong against us. Who knows? They probably need our help. </span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><img alt="squiggle tree.png" class="CToWUd" data-image-whitelisted="" height="320" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0?ui=2&ik=dc66272120&attid=0.2&permmsgid=msg-a:r-7531763975300649651&th=1728c93958098469&view=fimg&sz=s0-l75-ft&attbid=ANGjdJ8sPSZ9cyDjUz5MFSTZWZaD3o8ZH1OrahuQADE41ejdwHTodrVHbrE_ZxQ_K4jfl6RzAMBwKM7YkwTz99cNdJ8fvaUEVCqdm-WSrmeFonzrS1I_b4HBaK9CJRY&disp=emb&realattid=ii_kb4fgcxd5" style="margin-right: 0px;" width="282" /><span style="text-align: justify;"> </span><span style="text-align: justify;"> </span></span></div>
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<b style="color: #222222;"><span style="background-color: #fce5cd; color: #674ea7;">4- The fourth principle I wish to talk about is forgiveness. </span></b></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">Suppose we have done our very best to live peacefully with our neighbors, but somehow conflicts arise. What shall we do? </span><span style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><i>[Forgive him] “seventy times seven.” </i></span>Following this pattern will enable us to resolve all disputes, find peace, and make many friends.<span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;">On this subject of forgiveness, President Gordon B. Hinckley taught: “We see the need for [forgiveness] in the homes of the people, where tiny molehills of misunderstanding are fanned into mountains of argument. We see it among neighbors, where insignificant differences lead to undying bitterness. We see it in business associates who quarrel and refuse to compromise and forgive when, in most instances, if there were a willingness to sit down together and speak quietly one to another, the matter could be resolved to the blessing of all. Rather, they spend their days nurturing grudges and planning retribution.” </span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"><b><span style="color: #674ea7;">5- The fifth principle is love.</span></b></span> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">President Thomas S. Monson taught: </span>“We cannot truly love God if we do not love our fellow travelers on this mortal journey. …As we keep this truth in mind, loving all of God’s children will become easier.” </span></blockquote>
<blockquote>
<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">I have found that love is a powerful tool in our hands. We are created to love and to be loved. But the spirit of love has been overtaken by worldly aspirations, such as the desire to be seen as being better than others, greed, lust, selfishness, pride, and other ungodly habits.</span> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">Elder Dallin H. Oaks counseled us to follow after the things that make for peace as we live among other people; to practice civility when others have different opinions, to forgo contention and practice respect, and to be kind to those who choose not to keep the commandments of God. He emphasized that kindness is powerful.</span> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">As much as we can, we should keep in touch with those we disagree with, especially family members. We let them know we love them by inviting them to family activities and finding good things to say about them. Given time, the Lord may soften their hearts. </span> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">When we have a troubled relationship, we need to ask ourselves these questions: What do I honestly desire for this relationship? What would I do if I were in their shoes? What am I willing to give up to establish peace?</span> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><img alt="flowers vase.png" class="CToWUd" data-image-whitelisted="" height="320" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0?ui=2&ik=dc66272120&attid=0.3&permmsgid=msg-a:r-7531763975300649651&th=1728c93958098469&view=fimg&sz=s0-l75-ft&attbid=ANGjdJ_2EUBzzxJbqMwsTqVl8xo4zIU9A-YbLb1z4i3Qkb7xchMnUKaTBHjJufSXa9dd5anjlJkhViFek5leGT6IYS_ZEwfF6wBGAPeAF4glqUTsGUK8pprGYww92EE&disp=emb&realattid=ii_kb4fal614" style="margin-right: 0px;" width="261" /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"><b><span style="color: #674ea7;">Let me summarize again the five principles we can apply to resolve conflict and contention in our associations:</span></b></span> </span></blockquote>
<blockquote>
<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">First, faith in the Savior Jesus Christ is the beginning of a desire to trust the Lord in our circumstances, knowing that he will share our burdens and bring comfort to our souls.</span> </span></blockquote>
<blockquote>
<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">Second, faith in the Lord Jesus Christ leads us to do those things that invite the companionship of the Holy Ghost, which can fill us with “hope and perfect love” toward all people and all things.</span> </span></blockquote>
<blockquote>
<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;">Third, “diligence unto prayer” helps us to continue to enjoy the companionship of the Holy Ghost, to be filled with love, and to overcome the temptations of the adversary that may come through provocation to conflict. </span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;">Fourth, filled with the love of God, we can not only forgive others but help to give them a vision and a better hope of what they can become. </span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">Finally, filled with the love of God, we can transcend all barriers to peace, harmony, and unity with all people.</span> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;">As I conclude my thoughts, I would urge each one of us to “press forward with a steadfastness in Christ … and a love of God and of all men” and to heed the Savior’s counsel that contention is of the devil and should be done away with. </span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">May each one of us find love and peace wherever we are in the world that we may stand as true witnesses of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and through his atoning power be able to do all things.</span> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;">This I leave with you, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen."</span></blockquote>
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<img alt="Gladys N. Sitati" height="200" src="https://broadcast.lds.org/crowdsource/mobile/images/1863942/042530e2b5f44366adab5e1198d7863e/640x672.jpg" style="text-align: justify;" width="190" /> </div>
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<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;">Gladys Sitati</span></div>
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the authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15723845940092746866noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4108127225266001092.post-5908656451808796212019-11-26T11:35:00.002-08:002021-01-20T23:29:55.176-08:0011.26.2019 -- Dear UniverseDear God (because I am a believer),<br />
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I am still in my pajamas today, and it is two minutes to noon. I have spent my morning reading with kids, taking kids to school, sweeping the garage (spreading the snowy car mud around evenly), spraying off said muddy car, sorting, folding and putting away laundry, baking pumpkin muffins, avoiding telemarketers, cleaning up messes, finding things for pre-schoolers to do. I also posted on Instagram (mostly because it has been awhile and I saw a lovely post that make me want to contribute something good to the world).<br />
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When I was looking for quotes (someone else's words always seem to be better, don't they?), I came across one that unexpectedly left me in tears.<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "merriweather" , "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px;">“What we love determines what we seek.</span> <span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "merriweather" , "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px;">What we seek determines what we think and do. What we think and do determines who we are — and who we will become.”</span></blockquote>
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<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/1039317.Dieter_F_Uchtdorf"><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "merriweather" , "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px;">― </span><span class="authorOrTitle" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "lato" , "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-weight: bold;">Dieter F. Uchtdorf</span></a></blockquote>
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Maybe it struck me because I just searched through some recent family pictures to see what one I wanted to post. Maybe it was the relaxed morning with Lena. Maybe it was the <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/44318414-the-dutch-house">(audio)book </a> I just finished that, to me, underscored the power family (biological and chosen). Maybe it's my (maybe) mid-life reevaluation of who I am and who I am becoming.<br />
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I am just feeling incredibly grateful today.<br />
<br />
...for...<br />
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Unexpected, deep conversations with our kids.<br />
A warm place to live in a place I love.<br />
A healthy body that lets me move in the world the way I want.<br />
A fascinating family (roots, trunk and leaves) that I know and cherish.<br />
Friends (and family) who see the rough spots and love anyway.<br />
A world full of people who are, each one, a universe in themselves.<br />
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Today, I am seeing so much goodness in this world. I know there is real pain, heartache and calamity here on the planet, too, but there is so much good.<br />
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Thank you.<br />
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<br />the authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15723845940092746866noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4108127225266001092.post-50203046878015280762019-08-25T16:28:00.002-07:002021-01-20T23:31:27.649-08:0008.25.2019 -- Fruit. ...and Men's GymnasticsWhat do mihoutau, macaque fruit, Chinese gooseberries, Kiwifruit and 猕猴桃 have in common?<br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #111111; font-family: "roboto" , "arial" , sans-serif;">All of these fruits aid in digestion and are a rich source of antioxidants than oranges and grapefruit. This means they may prevent endogenous oxidative damage. They all make a great marinade because they their enzymes naturally break down collagen in meat. This means it's a natural tenderizer! </span><span style="color: #111111; font-family: "roboto" , "arial" , sans-serif;">They also all grow on a vine.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: "roboto" , "arial" , sans-serif;">Are you intrigued? No doubt many of you know this already, but for those who don't, I'm honored to be able to tell you that...</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #111111; font-family: "roboto" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #111111; font-family: "roboto" , "arial" , sans-serif;">They're the same fruit. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #111111; font-family: "roboto" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: "roboto" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #111111; font-family: "roboto" , "arial" , sans-serif;">Once upon a time in the Yangtze and Chiag Kiang valleys of China, centuries and centuries ago, there were wild-growing, tender, fuzzy brown fruit with green flesh. Emperors and commoners alike loved the bright green fruit and prized them for their flavor. They were sometimes called it macaquefruit (because the monkeys love them), as well as goat's or sheep's peach. </span><span style="color: #111111; font-family: "roboto" , "arial" , sans-serif;">Besides being tasty, extracts of this little fruit were used in traditional Chinese medicine to treat a variety of ailments. </span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #111111; font-family: "roboto" , "arial" , sans-serif;">Although this fruit was familiar to the locals, to visiting missionaries, they were a novelty. They thought they tasted like strawberries and made the fruit into jam. They called these little gems "Chinese gooseberries." The fruit was first exported to the US in 1904.</span><span style="color: #111111; font-family: "roboto" , "arial" , sans-serif;">While Chinese gooseberries were tasty, and in fact, long considered a delicacy by many, they had a marketing problem. G</span><span style="color: #111111; font-family: "roboto" , "arial" , sans-serif;">ooseberries weren't popular in the United States and, a</span><span style="color: #111111; font-family: "roboto" , "arial" , sans-serif;">lthough Chinese gooseberries weren't a true gooseberry, Americans weren't interested. <a href="https://time.com/4662293/kiwifruit-chinese-gooseberry-new-zealand-history-fruit/" target="_blank">It wasn't </a></span><a href="https://time.com/4662293/kiwifruit-chinese-gooseberry-new-zealand-history-fruit/" target="_blank">until June 15, 1959</a> when they were renamed kiwifruit that Americans grew to love them. By 1984, kiwis were considered "<span style="font-family: "helvetica";"><a href="http://www.flavorandfortune.com/dataaccess/article.php?ID=259" target="_blank">the hottest produce item of the year in the western world</a>." </span>Twenty years after the name change, kiwis were grown, bought and sold not only in China, but in New Zealand, the US, throughout European countries, Japan, Australia, and Chile.</span><br />
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What do Chinese gooseberries --er, kiwifruit-- have to do with Men's Gymnastics?<br />
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People aren't buying Men's Artistic Gymnastics.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaI0jFMA6Dkjfv9eihQGa6zqLes0nX1AO1i4SuPtkqfysoKsD7HxaCm0szn4V1-4IRW2-f_rtk2xGwd34aMGIksClicP6GUCeSNJAJQKgo4QhADxTHVaPi-JnlCgIQ0YCxJj-SX1H6TahN/s1600/mikuliak.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1064" data-original-width="704" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaI0jFMA6Dkjfv9eihQGa6zqLes0nX1AO1i4SuPtkqfysoKsD7HxaCm0szn4V1-4IRW2-f_rtk2xGwd34aMGIksClicP6GUCeSNJAJQKgo4QhADxTHVaPi-JnlCgIQ0YCxJj-SX1H6TahN/s400/mikuliak.jpg" width="263" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">This is Sam Mikulak. He's one of the US's top gymnasts.</span></div>
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In an era where American Ninja Warrior is <a href="https://www.thewrap.com/american-ninja-warrior-the-inbetween-ratings/" target="_blank">NBC's #1 show in primetime</a> and women's gymnastics has continued to grow, even with scandal after scandal, <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2018/08/27/style/men-gymnastics-hunks.html" target="_blank">Men's gymnastics is dwindling</a>.<br />
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I'm a gymnastics mom. Like a soccer mom, only in gyms with a thin layer of chalk dust. When our kids were just starting gymnastics in lessons that took 45 minutes, I stayed to watch. I loved watching those uncoordinated bodies slowly gain skills. I loved being surprised by skills that I didn't think they could master. I stayed because leaving to run errands was more trouble than it was worth.<br />
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As they got older, classes got longer. They started to overlap with the older athletes. I stayed not as much because it was too much trouble to leave but to watch the kids and the big bonus was watching the older kids. Especially the older boys. They amazed me with their effortlessly executed feats of strength, balance and power. There aren't many gyms that have lots of boys doing gymnastics at a high level, but <a href="https://www.usagw.co/" target="_blank">ours</a> does. It's not uncommon for athletes from our gym to compete at Nationals, and it's rare that a level 10 gymnast in USAGW's program doesn't get a <a href="https://soonersports.com/index.aspx?path=mgym" target="_blank">scholarship</a>.<br />
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When our boys started practices that were a couple of hours, I found it harder to justify staying to watch. Laundry, grocery shopping and hikes were calling. I still miss watching their workouts.<br />
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And if it's that entertaining to watch the practices, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1GC2EaK4hU" target="_blank">how amazing are the competitions</a>?<br />
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So I have been thinking, and <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2018/08/27/style/men-gymnastics-hunks.html" target="_blank">I'm not the only one</a>... How would you turn this gooseberry into a kiwi? I think it may be worth borrowing some elements from some other sporty endeavors.<br />
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Rebranding Men's Artistic Gymnastics -- <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Modest_Proposal" target="_blank">A Modest Proposal</a><br />
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Personally, I think an update to the uniform could be considered. How about shorts? Ripped jeans horts and a nice sleeveless shirt with a sponsor by Vans or Champion would be great. (Let's be honest--the singlets and shorts or stirrup pants may have been good years and years ago, but now they're passé.) Or even better--let the guys choose their own costumes, like American Ninja Warrior!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxYAsng5MXvo81eMVFrijYcPrjduncUlvKX9u0xIfPrp9MCsX0p9-bBRvvI1gAupeqzLkikVN3fI1LWcd_EG3H7BXoeKKbDKucoR9Jl1NQqcMrCI0mRIBbco-1wIUc-Le_OPkkNlG4ih8S/s1600/ninja+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="622" data-original-width="562" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxYAsng5MXvo81eMVFrijYcPrjduncUlvKX9u0xIfPrp9MCsX0p9-bBRvvI1gAupeqzLkikVN3fI1LWcd_EG3H7BXoeKKbDKucoR9Jl1NQqcMrCI0mRIBbco-1wIUc-Le_OPkkNlG4ih8S/s320/ninja+2.jpg" width="289" /></a></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbFbGIO4rTnMHzTsKyIApczu3MROJ0jsYcrEorogoSVvMFHqZGB6rAnFEMFjBxtwM09W7Sw6U9LbWEs62SBWe8GdsFuLdNcn2atJN-2-52p4ogLl7pWRiMeFzpQfY7xhi-CbMoNG0Dh3SG/s1600/ninja+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="742" data-original-width="668" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbFbGIO4rTnMHzTsKyIApczu3MROJ0jsYcrEorogoSVvMFHqZGB6rAnFEMFjBxtwM09W7Sw6U9LbWEs62SBWe8GdsFuLdNcn2atJN-2-52p4ogLl7pWRiMeFzpQfY7xhi-CbMoNG0Dh3SG/s320/ninja+1.jpg" width="288" /></a><br />
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Much more exciting.<br />
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Speaking of exciting. Have you ever watched a Mixed Martial Arts fight? UFC, boxing or wrestling? (Professional wrestling, of course.) The introduction of the participants is <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cb1dc-Et-UE" target="_blank">much more exciting</a> than gymnastics. Imagine total darkness, catchy music, spotlights circling... a hooded figure sauntering--no, swaggering down the aisle flanked by security guards... an announcer who gives a short rundown of each athlete--his trials and triumphs and expectations for the outcome of the competition.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlrp9mjj1HI6bj7CAMPisxrtpqPR2sGPihU1U-E86b0Wvk__7y5EEiI2U0rR5FNMJGjaXBBgOCOHqAKFmJVnHz3A8VGARO6fGErA77YtjFNawbxrRl30sWCU-I07kMz3TIQWmdFScrdmwP/s1600/matt+hughes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="658" data-original-width="1190" height="352" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlrp9mjj1HI6bj7CAMPisxrtpqPR2sGPihU1U-E86b0Wvk__7y5EEiI2U0rR5FNMJGjaXBBgOCOHqAKFmJVnHz3A8VGARO6fGErA77YtjFNawbxrRl30sWCU-I07kMz3TIQWmdFScrdmwP/s640/matt+hughes.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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We could even have some bikini girls walk around with placqards announcing each event. And smoke. Smoke = drama, and who doesn't love drama?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmsTpousnyAGFJeE4fQaPTJhSLLu6PrpO1chnGbq5IrhEHlk6ivr4eZwaS3nG8Ddu065hAc2Eoe9Y8UpD06LcAkqmrXnom6oXWaD-ELi-sMdgEVhaE3FDT8_R2NaQ5Fs-UXmaNEMX_cGKb/s1600/round+girl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1128" data-original-width="732" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmsTpousnyAGFJeE4fQaPTJhSLLu6PrpO1chnGbq5IrhEHlk6ivr4eZwaS3nG8Ddu065hAc2Eoe9Y8UpD06LcAkqmrXnom6oXWaD-ELi-sMdgEVhaE3FDT8_R2NaQ5Fs-UXmaNEMX_cGKb/s320/round+girl.jpg" width="207" /></a></div>
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As far as the events themselves, I think the floor exercise could be tweaked. Music on the floor exercise would be great. It adds so much to women's floor routines, and it would do the same to the men's.<br />
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We all know <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2019/08/23/entertainment/lara-spencer-prince-george-ballet-trnd/index.html" target="_blank">there's only so much room for grace and poise for boys and men</a> in mainstream USA. So what if we look at the sport carefully and accentuate the power, strength and virtuosity? Take out the girly stuff like the pointed toes and splits? Nobody wants to see that. Instead, we could use poses like body builders. If the gymnasts are wearing shirts at this point, they could either take them off or rip them off and throw them into the crowd!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihit_tej_rXCLBaB-3U-TNXpjBbKCpb42IaPd2xDTxXTN9zbgpqGX1T4HWwpxEPEhQgRhSgxBu0ZBmLRzUcbKSEm7wV2uxZq-pB2ifKL9c1ZASyLI324UCjO794FGynCThqhiHklel4p2H/s1600/hulk+hogan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="652" data-original-width="846" height="307" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihit_tej_rXCLBaB-3U-TNXpjBbKCpb42IaPd2xDTxXTN9zbgpqGX1T4HWwpxEPEhQgRhSgxBu0ZBmLRzUcbKSEm7wV2uxZq-pB2ifKL9c1ZASyLI324UCjO794FGynCThqhiHklel4p2H/s400/hulk+hogan.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Seeing this picture of The Hulk really has me considering a belt for champions. Not while they compete--that would be ridiculous. Just before and after events. It's stunning.<br />
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Maybe instead of a choreographed floor routine, the gymnasts could do a series of tumbling passes on the floor then lift heavy things? (But then we would miss things like <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6AIX6NdEkW0" target="_blank">these airflares (0:40)</a>, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QL5gCiOT54I" target="_blank">these russian circles (0:40)</a> and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drvXbzZHV9I" target="_blank">this press (0:47.)</a> Hmmm. Maybe fire or sharp things could be incorporated. (I'm just throwing out ideas here.)<br />
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Really, I think we need more energetic announcers. How about having a <a href="https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=dude+perfect" target="_blank">dude</a> announce? Maybe Joe Rogan or Simon Cowell. The announcers with all of this overly specific description aren't really adding much. We need jumbotron slo-mo replays of the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VAAL44DpqlM" target="_blank">vault</a> for people like me who can't process it all. (And can we talk about how to take the vault up a notch? Sue they run fast and hurtle over a huge, hard object, but the injuries really don't happen often enough to count on for excitement. Maybe raising the whole event 20 feet would work. Just to up the stakes.<br />
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Really, you can't underestimate the power of the jumbotron. We need replays of all the mind-blowing <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7a8p7s6Utg" target="_blank">floor</a>, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hal37f57tY8" target="_blank">still rings</a>, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=658ZfbXEkXw" target="_blank">pommel</a>, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oq1F3tSOf0U" target="_blank">parallel bars</a> and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UIH2AEYFp98" target="_blank">high bar (7:30)</a> <span id="goog_15474636"></span><a href="https://www.blogger.com/"></a><span id="goog_15474637"></span>routines. And marketing with girls in bikinis, loud music with guitars, maybe some oiled torsos and slo-mo.<br />
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*I am humbly submitting this modest proposal with no expectations. I know that USAG is going through some rough times, so I'm not asking for any compensation (even though a marketing analysis like this would probably cost hundreds of thousands of dollars).<br />
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Now, I will be the first person to admit that there are lots and lots of cool sports and arts that are underrated. This plan could be adapted for them, too.<span style="font-size: x-small;"> (A fee may be assessed for my work in other areas.)</span><br />
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Please contact me directly for more details.<br />
<br />the authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15723845940092746866noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4108127225266001092.post-27079029430672313792019-08-22T16:39:00.003-07:002021-01-20T23:33:33.893-08:0008.22.2019 -- Puke Trooper<br />
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A few nights ago, Lucy brought Lena in to our room at about 3 am saying Lena had thrown up and that their bathroom was a mess. Once Lena was settled, I headed to the bathroom to clean it up. I was relieved to see that most of the puke had landed in the toilet and that Lucy had cleaned up much of it with toilet paper.<br />
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The next morning, I thanked Lucy for helping out and told her that the bathroom was clean.<br />
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"Mom," she said. "All I did last night was bring her downstairs." I was confused.<br />
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According to Lucy, she heard Lena up in the night. She, in the dark, followed the noises to the bathroom and stepped in puke on the way. You can imagine how excited she was to feel that between her toes. She found Lena in the bathroom with a giant wad of toilet paper, cleaning up her own mess. Per Lucy, Lena didn't want to come downstairs until the mess was cleaned up, but Lucy scooped her up and brought her down.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Li'l Trooper</span></div>
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Yesterday, school started, for everyone but Lena. (Happy Birthday, Lucy! We celebrated with a full day of school for all school-age children, and a dinner of delicious sushi at FatFish (a local restaurant) with friends. Lucy wanted to cancel in order to celebrate with Gabe (who was at practice), but we wouldn't let her. We told her we could all go out together this weekend.)<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Lovely Lucy. On the way to practice, of course.</span></div>
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Lena is convinced she will be going to school, but she'll have to wait a bit. Ballet, on the other hand, is something she won't be waiting for much longer. She's set to start a class next week. She is still very young, and I'm a little worried (the kids are a LITTLE busy with the various activities they started when they were two--well--Lucy started in gymnastics, but...). I do like the idea of letting kids, even little ones, have a hand in directing their lives. </div>
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Lena has been to one ballet class so far. It ended with pushing, falling, and all the tiny ballerinas crying. Lena explained it this way, "I pushed Ava and I pushed Juliet." <i><span style="font-size: x-small;">I knew I should have taken her out of the room earlier when she stopped following the teacher... </span></i>Lena has been talking about ballet for about 4 months now, and loves to tell new friends (read: strangers) all about it.</div>
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Lucy is still doing all-star cheer and loving it. She's on a level 5 team and is a <a href="https://youtu.be/FgFFnjB_wsM" target="_blank">backspot</a> this year, which means she's tall. It's a big deal. Last season (this past May). when her team competed in Florida, people were looking through the professional pictures of her team's routine and someone noticed an unusual one... "There's a pic of a flyer stepping on a girl's FACE." (It was a rough routine.) I knew it was Lucy who had made that save. It was. I didn't buy the pic, but I wish I had. Lucy is a <b><a href="https://youtu.be/NTbH76BcU4c" target="_blank">beast</a>.</b> <span style="font-size: x-small;">The link there is not of Lucy and no, Lucy isn't tumbling at that level, but Lucy is a beast. </span>She is working on perfecting her <a href="https://youtu.be/NTbH76BcU4c" target="_blank">full</a>.</div>
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Gabe is now a level 7 gymnast and dealing with bum knees. He's working through it, though. His most recent skills are "<a href="https://youtu.be/p9YzpaB9dz0" target="_blank">pirouette on high bar</a> and a <a href="https://youtu.be/301HFfTB6Jo" target="_blank">full on floor</a>." </div>
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Char is a level 6 gymnast and dealing, sometimes, with a bum ankle. He's working through it. His most recent skills are <a href="https://youtu.be/Aph0Vn06aXU" target="_blank">giants on high bar</a> and a <a href="https://youtu.be/apVW_xlhvCw" target="_blank">cody</a> (on the trampoline).</div>
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The oldest three kids' love of time in the gym is still there. About a month ago, it occurred to me while I watched a documentary on cat competitions (thank you, Delta In-Flight Entertainment) that these sports (all-star cheerleading and men's artistic gymnastics) that make up so much of our lives are on the relative fringes of society and that many people would find it interesting, if not odd, to spend so much time working on such specific skill sets... But then, I thought to myself, <b>much of what the kids are learning is transferrable knowledge.</b> <i>Feel free to refer to the previous sentence if you find yourself without justification of an atypical hobby.</i></div>
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Life is definitely full of surprises!</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Hooligans</span></div>
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the authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15723845940092746866noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4108127225266001092.post-12277810078754133912017-10-22T20:55:00.002-07:002021-01-20T23:34:24.849-08:0010.22.2017 -- Little Sis through the eyes of Big Sis<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />the authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15723845940092746866noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4108127225266001092.post-65269508048695527782017-10-22T20:05:00.003-07:002021-07-09T11:38:21.560-07:0010.22.2017 -- Inkspiration<div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://verbmall.blogspot.com/2010/09/ragamuffin.html"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://verbmall.blogspot.com/2010/09/ragamuffin.html"></a><a href="http://verbmall.blogspot.com/2010/09/ragamuffin.html" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="407" data-original-width="468" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOM5Z5SV8BfyaB07tU-wyiUp-NMbqN_6w6OvqSvYm6F0o4FdV4JAwptUBt6VMacj7xd_DbcMACw-IAlrz8M0X4c5zjxoFrXAq6NFNVxOul-7rFT8eMl7eGZ9536DvpxPj2oNLusSTQcGU/s320/ragamuffins.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /></div></div><div><br /></div> have a love-hate relationship with Sundays. I love that it's a day where I get to spend it mostly with family, and where I get to go to church. It's also a day that can be challenging because I spend it mostly with family and I get to go to church.<br />
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Last weekend, while we were talking about punctuality, my sister told me that "the rule" is 30 minutes per child, which is to say: in order to get to church on time, you must wake up 30 minutes earlier for every child you plan to take to with you. I think I stared at her for a moment. My mouth may have been open. In my mind, my thought process went something like, "No wonder we almost never get to church on time."<br />
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*Also, my very reliable aunt told me that some people (ahem) are genetically wired to be late. I have mixed feelings about that, too. Part of me feels relieved. Part feels defiant. part of me feels shame about feeling relieved. Part of me feels proud about feeling defiant. Part of me feels anxiety about feeling shame about feeling relieved. I could go on and on, people.<br />
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Put simply: It's a challenge for me to get my kids to church on time. It is. Because I'm lazy.<br />
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I like my bed. I especially like my bed when my children are asleep and my husband is in bed, too. It reminds me of years and years ago when we could sleep in. It's so cozy and peaceful. It smells nice. From my bed, I can't see the dishes in the sink or the crumbs on the floor or the piles in the laundry room. I can just gaze over at the man I love as he sleeps (or pretends to sleep) next to me.<br />
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In order to get to church on time, I have to trade <i>peaceful snuggle time with my husband</i> for <i><b>work</b></i>. If you have never herded children through a morning routine, then you might be unacquainted with the type of work it is, precisely, but it's work.<br />
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For the redhead, it's all about reminding and redirecting without being too overbearing. Humor is always good, but too much silliness begets too much silliness. For the blonde, it's about... I... I can't.<br />
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I'm honestly getting exhausted just thinking about it.<br />
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We did all right today. We were only 9 minutes late. In her own words, this would make my sister want to "punch someone in the face," but I live a life where we are sometimes 50 minutes late. It's all relative. That's what I tell my kids, and that's what I tell myself. I'm open to the idea that it might be some kind of personal mental thing. I actually do get annoyed when I'm late. I get anxious. I feel embarrassed. But I get over it.<br />
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Do you know that this blog post isn't. even. about. church or being late or sleeping in? NO!<br />
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The heading is "Inkspiration." This is because one of the (really great) topics of discussion today was recording family history. There are many ways to do it. That's one thing people agree upon.<br />
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Another point of agreement was that-- however it's done, it's incredibly valuable.<br />
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So here I am again, on my blog, typing away. Warts and all, it's my contribution to the oeuvre.<br />
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I have a baby on my lap who is tired but not sleepy. She is surprisingly agile with her legs and feet. She keeps <strike>trying to</strike> swinging her legs over onto the keyboard.<br />
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I have a quiet basement full of children who protested when I explained that <i>the other side of staying up late over the weekend</i> was an early bedtime. I'll give them credit though, they could tell I was serious, so they didn't mess around much. The blonde and the redhead are probably still reading, but that's fine. I just needed a some quiet. The redhead is reading a book from the I Survived series--one about tornadoes. The blond is reading one of the Diary of a Wimpy Kid books. The brunette likes to read and reread books. Daddy read with him tonight.<br />
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It used to be that I was a little more picky with what they read. It's very much like before our picky eater arrived. Now I understand. (I'm not saying it's not my fault. I'm saying their will is stronger than mine in these ways.)<br />
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We had guests for dinner tonight! Brian's mom and sister came and I felt like it was a <u>total mess</u>. (Dinner wasn't ready when they arrived. The table wasn't even set, and half the things I had intended to make for dinner weren't even started. The counter was cluttered and there was dirty laundry strewn across the living room.) But no one died, and the house was considerably neater than when we got home from church.) We just simplified the menu and everyone ate. The whole point was to see them and to eat, not to win a prize for a perfectly executed five-course meal. Perspective is not just for drawing.<br />
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After dinner, the youngest was showing off her walking skills and enjoying the attention of Grandma and her aunty. She was carrying around a doll, giving it hugs and kisses. The three older kids started in on some very high-spirited, loud play together, bringing their baby sister into the mix once in a while. After a nice visit, Grandma and Aunt Nan left to visit the Katoa cousins, taking with them an adorable red, white and blue plaid skirt that Grandma had made for Elizabeth, Aaliyah being the right size to wear it.<br />
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The three older kids played a lot together today, mostly on the Xbox. After dinner, though, they were running around like.... well.... like tired, excited, happy kids. To use a term I was raised with, the "roughhousing" started when the redhead found an ace bandage on the floor that the brunette had been using to wrap a sprained ankle (gym mishap). The kids started experimenting with our considerable stash of ace bandages and made the redhead into a minimalist mummy. (Halloween is coming!)<br />
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I let them play--running, shouting, screaming, laughing--for about an hour before I got the idea that they really should be going to bed early. I had taken the youngest out onto the porch to chill out a bit and I realized that if I just went inside and explained what was expected (early bedtime), the kids would probably fall in line. There was some complaining, but nothing I didn't expect.<br />
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What I wish I could capture most about this period of my life is how deeply I love and adore each of my children. And I would have none of them without my husband. It really is AMAZING, and nothing I would miss out on for the world.<br />
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<br />the authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15723845940092746866noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4108127225266001092.post-87196856774764118262017-06-09T14:40:00.004-07:002021-07-09T11:20:17.812-07:0006.09.2017 -- For the Husbands<div class="p1"><span class="s1"><b><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.6seconds.org/2020/01/25/the-great-practice-myth-debunking-the-10000-hour-rule/" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7tRHu22cAwMl-TuLH_R_hiZZQD7w8ZVuscr6hodNdwVQtbhNZ09orAlaiPEvryR0uxq-j2oCYQ1nvtcDd_ryBSGM5wfP7KGsuWvMbE6yX182iYnr__p1MzHplGis_j0fLn1boOsTUSUDD/s320/cello+daisies.jpeg" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /></b></span></div><div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><b>Introduction of an Obsession</b></span></div>
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<span class="s1">I have a bunch of nephews. They are older than my own children by more than 20 years in some cases. When they were getting married, a thought began to form. Married life is good and hard. It can be tricky at times. There is a lot of advice I feel comfortable giving, and much that frankly, I don’t. But that doesn’t mean that advice isn’t a good idea. </span></div>
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<span class="s1">Take this morning for example. One of my sons was playing with a heavy duty bamboo skewer. He was throwing it around as if it couldn’t seriously injure someone. When I told him that playing with a skewer like that wasn’t safe, his eyes lit up and he told me a story that his cousin (my nephew) told him. It seems that one day, this group of nephews decided to see if bamboo skewers would work as arrows. They did. It turns out they work <i>so well</i> as arrows that they will stick in a person’s head and take at least a little effort to remove.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">“Interesting,” I told my son. “So now you can either learn from that story, or you can experiment on your own to see what it’s like to have one stuck in your own head.”</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Shoulders of giants. Learn from my mistakes. Don’t reinvent the wheel. All of these axioms describe the motivation I have in advising the next generation. The only problem is (ready?) NO ONE wants advice about their love life from their (old? weird?) aunt. I see you nodding your head.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">But it’s possible that they might not make the connection with someone who would care enough to give it. All of these thoughts led me to I become a little obsessed with solving the problem of getting this information into the hands of the husbands. I came up with a system using email. I put together a diverse list of women and sent them the login information to a gmail account along with a request to send any insights from that email account to my own email address. It seemed like it might work. I did get some advice! And then I had our fourth child, and I got a little distracted. </span></div>
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<span class="s1">I still think it’s a worthwhile project, so I am diving in again. This is “For the Husbands.” For the Husbands and for the wives, in hopes of stronger relationships, better love lives, and more joy in the world. I believe in marriage. I believe it can make us better, happier people.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Following are some of the contributions, edited for length, clarity, and how much I agree with them. (Just kidding!) Seriously, though--Please let me know if something you wrote did not emerge as you intended! If you would like to contribute to the For the Husbands project, just go to gmail.com, sign in as forthehusbands@gmail.com (password: forthewives) and send your email to valerie.tayler@gmail.com</span><br />
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<span class="s1">Thank you SO much to the women who have taken the time to write and send notes on what they think husbands should know/learn!</span></div>
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<span class="s2">From “Adelaide”</span></div>
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<span class="s1">If you could teach every boy, young man, teenager and adult to give hugs and affection to their spouse <i>like the hugs or affection that they would give their mother or their children,</i> that would be a great thing. The point is, if every sign of physical affection has a sexual overtone, it lacks the comfort, connection, warmth and intimacy that women need. There's nothing wrong with sex at the right time, but not at all times. </span></div>
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<span class="s1">Physical affection—freely given, without an undercurrent of a request for more—creates trust, and can lead to sex eventually.</span></div>
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<span class="s2">From “Belinda”</span></div>
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<span class="s1">I waited to have sex until we were married. Once we were married, it was like the finish line was finally open and we were free to cross into territory that was off-limits before. It was more exciting than romantic, more like finishing a race than giving in to an overwhelming desire. Maybe its not so different for a guy, but for a girl, the difference between the two situations is pretty different. </span></div>
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<span class="s1">This brings up a weird word: lubrication. Along with this long and embarrassing word, I’ll give you a simple fact: girls are not all the same. Some girls, for example, are naturally well-lubricated while others are not. </span></div>
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<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p9">
<span class="s1">I am one of those who is not. Does this mean I have to do something special any time I want to have sex? Yes and no. If sex is the end of a race and the goal is basically to do the deed, then my own body wouldn't be ready, physically. Although it is possible to do it, it's uncomfortable at best and painful at worst. BUT, I think it's worth mentioning that sometimes, sex that starts this way can end up being good. I want my husband to be happy. For me, that means that I sometimes pretend to be more interested than I am. My husband doesn’t do a lot of foreplay. I do appreciate it when he seems interested in just being loving and caring instead of all about sex.</span></div>
<div class="p5">
<span class="s1"></span></div>
<div class="p10">
<span class="s2"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p10">
<span class="s2"></span><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="p11">
<span class="s2">From “Claire”</span></div>
<div class="p10">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p11">
<span class="s1">What advice would I give men? Keep a sex journal, or intimacy journal, or at least a list, to make sure you don't miss cues from your lover. It takes a lot for some people to speak up, and if you don't pay attention to what she says, she may decide that you aren't interested in what she has to say. She may even give up in having any input in your sex life, which would be sad. She may adopt a “grin and bear it“ attitude instead of enjoying what can be a strong and positive part of your marriage. Some people talk a lot. Some people are not shy about asking for what they want or need. Some are shy.</span></div>
<div class="p10">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p11">
<span class="s1">Here are examples of what she might say:</span></div>
<div class="p10">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p11">
<span class="s1">"I don't like it when you rub my feet that way." </span></div>
<div class="p10">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p11">
<span class="s1">"I like that!" </span></div>
<div class="p10">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p11">
<span class="s1">"That feels great." </span></div>
<div class="p10">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p11">
<span class="s1">“Yes!"</span></div>
<div class="p10">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p11">
<span class="s1">“Mmmmmmmmhmmmm.”</span></div>
<div class="p10">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p11">
<span class="s1">If she is silent, watch out! Maybe you could try backing off for a bit. Try a different approach. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. A five minute back rub is better than no back rub, same for feet or hands. If you feel tired and unwilling, try to remember what you are working for: a healthy, active, engaging sex life. If she is unresponsive, try tickling her back or asking her about her day. Even if you find yourself very motivated, if she isn't, proceed with caution. If she is unresponsive and not willing, even if she doesn't seem opposed, pushing yourself on her can feel like rape. </span></div>
<div class="p10">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p11">
<span class="s1">What if you are the one who isn't interested? The stereotype of a sex starved husband and a bored wife doesn't always play out that way. If she is interested and you are turning her down, do your best to figure out why you are feeling distant or disengaged. Try to talk about it in a nonthreatening way. Find another way to spend time with her in a meaningful way. </span></div>
<div class="p5">
<span class="s1"></span></div>
<div class="p12">
<span class="s2"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p12">
<span class="s2"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p12">
<span class="s2"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p13">
<span class="s2">From “Daphne”</span></div>
<div class="p12">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p13">
<span class="s1">First, I would recommend an open dialogue. Make it clear that she can ask you about anything.</span></div>
<div class="p12">
<br /></div>
<div class="p13">
<span class="s1">Next, I’d recommend “The 5 Love Languages.” If I’d read that book before I got married, I know it would have spared us some arguments in our marriage. For example, my husband communicates though action. His keeping my car running well, full of gas, his going to the store for me and taking care of the bills is his way of saying “I love you.” That’s great. I appreciate all of those things—but my love language is touch. I <i>need</i> to be hugged, kissed, even bumped into! And I<i> really mean</i> bumped into. </span></div>
<div class="p12">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p13">
<span class="s1">I found that when my spouse stepped aside to get out of my way instead of bumping into me, I felt like he saw me as a stranger. His parents were not touchers, so it hasn’t come naturally to him, but because I have talked about it, he is working on it. One thing I do is when he does it right—reaches over and touches my knee while we are working together—I make sure to say, “Yes. Thank you. This tells me you love me!” </span></div>
<div class="p12">
<br /></div>
<div class="p13">
<span class="s1">As for the nitty gritty, men need to know that women are not just breasts, butt and a vagina. There are other parts that can be brought into play. Sometimes touching everything but those can build a great fire! I can almost guarantee you that caressing legs, hips, and her stomach while kissing will make everyone happy. </span></div>
<div class="p12">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p13">
<span class="s1">You can think of it like putting together a good pot of chili. You keep the heat at medium and slowly add ingredients. It’s not properly done until you let everything boil together for a while.</span></div>
<div class="p12">
<br /></div>
<div class="p13">
<span class="s1">I think it is also important to know that not all guys are “hot and ready” all the time. Movies, books and TV want us to believe that, but it’s not true about all guys. A lot of guys have other things on their minds. If this is you, you need to have an open dialogue about what you expect. </span></div>
<div class="p12">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p13">
<span class="s1">When you are newly in love and first married, it seems like both spouses are on the same page. but after a while it might change. For me it did. Talk about it. Intimacy—sex—for girls and guys seems to be so very different. Girls tend to have more emotion involved. For some guys it is a just a fun thing to do, so they might not want to talk about things like how great your love is and how deeply you both feel. Is this true for you? Tell her about it. Circle this part and let her read it. Please don’t give up!</span></div>
<div class="p12">
<br /></div>
<div class="p14">
<span class="s2"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p14">
<span class="s2"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p15">
<span class="s2">From “Elodie,” an LDS health care provider</span></div>
<div class="p14">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p15">
<span class="s1">Sex is critical to a healthy relationship, and a part of eternal growth. Sex is an integral part of the Plan of Salvation and the Gospel. Hear me out: God’s work and glory is our exaltation. If sex weren't critical to our relationships, why would God make it necessary to “multiply and replenish?” There must be a grand scheme. I don’t know how it all works, just that I have faith in His Plan. </span></div>
<div class="p14">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p15">
<span class="s1">Have you ever heard a beginner play a violin? How about a trumpet? How does it sound? Usually pretty crappy! We often mistakenly think that since sex is a “need” and a natural act, we must just instinctively know how to do it, but like any skill, <i>it is learned.</i> Instinct will guide us up to a point, sure, but that's pretty rudimentary! </span></div>
<div class="p14">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p15">
<span class="s1"><i>We must give ourselves time and space to learn.</i> Learning can be pretty enjoyable, but not always. For instance, if both newlyweds are virgins, often it’s a bit hard to not just jump each other. It’s normal to feel like waiting is impossible! The first time might be the best 30 seconds of the guy's life. As for the girl, well, the first time might involve disappointment and even some pain. Sometimes newlyweds think that sex is this mysterious activity that must be the most fantastic, earth-moving event ever imagined, and that they will just want to do nothing else—several times a day in every place they go. This is a great goal, but …work up to it!</span></div>
<div class="p14">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p15">
<span class="s1">Should her pain and possible disappointment be an afterthought? A woman’s anatomy can be a little mysterious. Your wife’s bits stretch inside, but less at the opening. Do you, as a newlywed, want to spend your honeymoon having no sex because your wife is hurt? No? Then you need to get interested in how to make it more comfortable. I have known girls who tore and required sutures to repair their anatomy. Right, then! Wedding night. Pain and bleeding that won't stop along with a trip to the ER is a real honeymoon disaster. (All girls are different. Some girls need some medical help so that the stretching is adequate and they don't tear.) </span></div>
<div class="p14">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p15">
<span class="s1">There is an expectation that both man and wife will be blown out of the water with ecstasy when they first do the deed. There may be some confusion when reality meets expectations. Sadly, if the expectation is fireworks, disappointment and confusion will result. And what is a newlywed to do? After all, who wants to say, ”…that was weird” to their beloved? So, even if there isn't injury, just know that <i>few women can orgasm the first time.</i> Both sexes should know this: Men WILL come. Women will LEARN how to come. </span></div>
<div class="p14">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p15">
<span class="s1">Yes, good sex is learned, folks! It takes practice! </span></div>
<div class="p14">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p15">
<span class="s1">Give each other permission to be sexually curious and active, but always allow for safety and security. It's good for guys to know that there needs to be some time and effort put into sex to help the girl start to seriously enjoy it. Women are very capable of multiple orgasms, guys not so much. A man who wants to enjoy sex to the max will find that the better it is for her the better his experience will be and the more often she'll be wanting it. </span></div>
<div class="p14">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p15">
<span class="s1">Everyone has their own learning curve, and some things will not be ok with one partner. We have ideas about what "good people" will do or won’t do. Treat this with the love and respect you have for this person. We say we will do anything for our beloved... but the joke is “when a man says that to his wife, he means slay dragons, not clean toilets!” The reality is, we all have a list of "...but not that!" This includes sexual activities. </span></div>
<div class="p14">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p15">
<span class="s1">Part of the sacred nature of the husband and wife relationship is that you will teach each other everything. This is an <i>integral</i> part of the relationship. We teach each other everything about ourselves in every facet of our relationship. There is much that we will learn about ourselves together. Like sex! What the heck does a novice know? </span></div>
<div class="p14">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p15">
<span class="s1">A pilot has to learn how to fly a plane, even if he or she has longed to be a pilot all his or her life! They still have to learn how the plane works, aeronautics, and weather! You need an education in aviation! Education is not all fun and games. After a pilot has studied for four years for a degree, then he or she must fly thousands of hours in different types of fixed-wing aircraft to be proficient. It doesn’t matter how much you want to be a pilot. Wanting it doesn’t make you one. </span></div>
<div class="p14">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p15">
<span class="s1">We want with all our hearts to have great relationships with our spouse. We want to be married. We want to be parents. We want our love to grow. We want to have sex. But wanting ain't getting, and getting ain't got! </span></div>
<div class="p14">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p15">
<span class="s1">It IS possible to “earn a PhD” in our spouse—in every possible aspect, including sexually. This will come after a few years of pre-school and kindergarten. Relax. Enjoy. Communicate and explore. </span></div>
<div class="p14">
<br /></div>
<div class="p15">
<span class="s1">There are some good books (kind of “how to” manuals) that are very well done and very clinical without seeming like pornography. The topic is treated with class, respect and frank honesty! They do include pictures, but are done with sensitivity and are not titillating at all—even for the very private, shy person. </span></div>
<div class="p14">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p15">
<span class="s1">When the door is opened, couples start to ask questions—specific questions, interesting questions—not titillating questions, but questions that come from a genuine desire to learn. If you are in this situation, answer honestly, frankly. Be somewhat clinical. This is the time and place to ask. Commit to no judgement and no embarrassment. It helps to allow questions about anything and everything. If possible, make it clear that you can revisit the topic anytime. Just ask, and you will arrange a measure of privacy. Another approach would be to arrange a couple more opportunities to come back in and ask about anything. </span></div>
<div class="p14">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p15">
<span class="s1">Amazingly, almost every couple who counseled with me came in several times—before and after the honeymoon. There is a lot to wonder about! Feel free to wonder! If you can't answer everything now, you can certainly find answers. Many of us are pretty ignorant of the anatomy and function of our body parts. We ought to become experts in our own bodies. Everyone deserves to know the physiology of these “private parts.” Being a health care provider helped some people ask their questions. It helps when curious people know they'll get answers—not reactions. One kid even called on their honeymoon. (WOW, I was surprised!) Sex changes as life changes, so the questions may never stop.</span></div>
<div class="p14">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p15">
<span class="s1">Another thing I wanted to teach was about foreplay. I joke that it takes 2 weeks for females, and 2 seconds for most males. Exaggeration? Yes, <i>but girls want to feel beautiful, appreciated, admired and respected</i>. As life gets busy with the mundane, one of the most seductive things a husband can do is the dishes, the laundry, pick up toys and get kids to bed.... If he gets home from work first and sits in front of the TV, then she comes home and he says “I'm hungry, what’s for dinner?” <i>he is losing points</i>. </span></div>
<div class="p14">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p15">
<span class="s1">She is not your mother, or your maid. Sorry, but if a man expects to be cared for and catered to like by mom, but with benefits in the bedroom, then he is going to have a mom figure in the bedroom (and most moms are very very not interested in their son sexually...big turn off!). And vice versa. </span></div>
<div class="p14">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p15">
<span class="s1">In reality, most women respond sexually to feeling cherished and adored—being treated like she is important! Making your wife an appendage, a servant, or a sex object usually won't result in a great sex life. Some guys can have a big fight with their bride, then try to get cozy a half hour later for some love making and they don’t know why the bride thinks he's an idiot! There are things to learn! Those who don't learn this stuff might end up in counseling, discussing how they were disillusioned by their "One True Love.”</span></div>
<div class="p14">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p15">
<span class="s1">Education is power. There are a lot of myths about sex that serve no one. Get brave. Open the door. Talk about it. Don’t be so serious! Laughing reduces tension and helps people feel safe.</span></div>
<div class="p12">
<span class="s1"></span></div>
<div class="p16">
<span class="s2"></span><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="p16">
<span class="s2"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p17">
<span class="s2">From “Fauna”</span></div>
<div class="p16">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p17">
<span class="s1">Yes, I’m a girl. I have a vagina and a clitoris. Lucky me! I like these parts, but the rest of my body is sensitive, too. Since we’ve been married, it feels like my husband forgot how much I love having my back tickled or rubbed. To me, this was the best "foreplay." </span></div>
<div class="p16">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p17">
<span class="s1">I miss it a lot. </span><br />
<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="p18">
<br />
From "Greta"<br />
<br />
I have an amazing husband who is really good at holding me. Some people call it snuggling, some people call it spooning. I just know that it makes everything feel right with the world. I sometimes get self conscious about my belly not being perfect, but when he holds me, I believe that he loves me for me and it doesn't matter if my body isn't like a swimsuit model's. Some people talk about foreplay, but snuggling is the best. I love my husband a lot and I am grateful for all he does.</div>
<div class="p18">
<span class="s1"><b></b></span><br /></div>
<div class="p18">
<span class="s1"><b></b></span><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="p18">
<span class="s1"><b></b></span>From "Jenny"<br />
<br />
My husband ignores me in public. He won't stand with me or talk to me. I don't understand why he used to touch me and talk to me all the time when we were dating. I wish he would talk to me about it.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="p18">
<span class="s1"><b></b></span><br /></div>
<div class="p19">
<span class="s1"><b>Opening The Door</b></span></div>
<div class="p12">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p13">
<span class="s1">The next section is a number of statements that could help open the door of candid conversation about your intimate life with your partner. The idea is that she can read through these statements and use them as a way to start a conversation. Of course YOU can use it, too. Good communication goes both ways. You can mark it up in one color, she can mark it up in another. She may prefer to mark the statements that are true for her or false for her and let you review them on your own, or you could go through them together and talk about whatever is most interesting. You could use this section once a week, once a month, or once!</span></div>
<div class="p12">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p12">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
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<br />
<ul class="ul1">
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I don’t like to be touched very often.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">Certain smells don’t appeal to me, specifically _________________________.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">If I could have any part of my body tickled for 20 minutes, it would be…</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">My favorite thing to do with you is…</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">One thing you think I love that I actually don’t LOVE is…</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">My favorite music for sexy time is…</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">There’s something I am scared to talk about….</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">My favorite body part is…</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">There are times when I want you, but you have no idea!</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I feel least attractive when….</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I feel most loved when…</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I want to ask you to do something with me just because you love me…</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I want to go on dates more and just kiss.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I feel totally silly doing this…</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">One thing I don’t mind doing is…</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I have this crazy story to tell you that no one else knows….</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">My favorite snuggle position with you is…</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">My favorite love making position with you is…</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">The three things that I worry about most are…</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I would like it if you touched me more (in a sexy way).</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I would like it if you touched me more in a loving, comforting way.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I don’t need to be touched more to be happy.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I would like it if you kissed me longer.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I would be fine with less kissing.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">My hard feelings get in the way of me feeling loving toward you.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I want to know your love language!</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">You have misunderstood my love language.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I would like to spend more time ______________________________ with you.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I love you!</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I will only love you if you are perfect and flawless.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I’m scared that you will only love me if I am perfect and flawless.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I would like to spend more of my time taking care of myself.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">When you touch my __________________, it drives me crazy—in a good way!</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I feel like your mother when you _________________________.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I always thought marriage would be….</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I am self-conscious about my…</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">Please don’t ever ask me to ___________________________.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">On Valentine’s day, I secretly want you to….</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">On my birthday, I secretly want you to….</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I don’t know how to help you feel loved on special days! What do you secretly wish I would do?</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">My love language is:</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I would like to feel more like a partner to you.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I am scared of you when…</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">You are irresistible to me when….</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">My secret wish for myself is…</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">When I would like to talk with you in depth, what is the best way for me to let you know?</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I miss __________________________.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">My most embarrassing moment with you was…</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">The best thing about being married to you is…</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">What does it feel like when I do this?</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I feel lonely when….</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">Something you would never guess my looking at me is…</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">Something I would never guess by looking at you is…</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I secretly long to set goals with you.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I secretly long to make babies with you.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">What you think is my favorite position isn’t actually my favorite position.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I don’t think I will ever get tired of ________________________.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I would like to kiss/make out/cuddle/make love _________________ times per _______________________.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I like it with the lights on.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I like it with the lights off.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I like it in the shower.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I like it ____________________________.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I don’t like ____________________________.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">Let’s buy some __________________________ to play with.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">Let’s practice _____________________________.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I really love it when you _________________________ before we go to bed.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">My favorite time to get naked with you is ___________________________.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">Let’s practice going longer before you finish.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I have never had an orgasm.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I don’t have orgasms as often as you think.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I don’t have orgasms as often as you think, but I’m fine with it.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I don’t have orgasms as often as you think and I want more.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I want more ________________________.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">___________________________ makes me want to barf.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I need to teach you more about my body.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">You need to teach me more about your body.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I need to know more about my body.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I am scared to become pregnant.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I don’t really enjoy it when you _____________________________.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I don’t want to hurt you and I’m afraid that you will think I don’t love you if I tell you that _________________________.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I would like to show you how I like you to touch my ___________________.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">Somehow you missed the ________________________ memo.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I love you even though you ___________________________.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">Your _____________________________ is/are perfect.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I hope our kids get your _____________________________.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I hope our kids get my ______________________________.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I don’t want children.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I want to adopt.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">It sounds crazy, but I want to _______________________________________.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">Let’s make babies!</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">Let’s start a band.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I want to join a gym.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I secretly thought you would ______________________________ after we married.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I sometimes get jealous of other women.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I don’t have any idea why I ______________________________.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I want to try ______________________________ with you.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">Can we please say “_______________________________” instead of sex?</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">Can we please say “_______________________________” instead of penis?</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">Can we please say “_______________________________” instead of vagina?</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">Can we please say “_______________________________” instead of make love?</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">Instead of saying, “Please stop now, I hate this.” Can we please say, “_______________________________?”</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">Instead of saying “____________________________!” Can we please say, “_______________________________?”</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I am secretly proud of my _____________________________________.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">Ask me anything. I’m an open book.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">When you __________________________ I always think about _______________.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I feel like you are less interested in me than in sex, and it’s a turn off.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">I feel like you are more interested in sex than in me and I like it!</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">Generally speaking, I like tenderness, not roughness, in the bedroom.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s1">Generally speaking, I like roughness, not tenderness, in the bedroom.</span></li>
<li class="li20"><span class="s3"></span><span class="s1">When I’m on my period, I would like you to ______________________________.</span></li>
</ul>
the authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15723845940092746866noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4108127225266001092.post-68107697953940883762016-12-11T00:08:00.004-08:002021-07-09T11:25:41.481-07:0012.11.2016 -- Milestones<div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milestone" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="tall gray stone milestone" border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1365" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilTj86t7uHl879Bx1YIPVBJBcqJIECegqzLmx-XQMnkj5j7yqLs7bjEZXofeHgGl4wb29aRZyvCbglsNbRcux1jafS291UMQW5z-8HjYLH-z2AqBPYNUwEuAPINWfbqRJvPav30Ek0qKip/w266-h400/milestone.jpeg" width="266" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div></div><div><br /></div>There it is! I now have a seventy year-old mother!<br />
<br />
See how I can turn everything around and make it all about me? It's a gift I have.<br />
<br />
Yesterday, Gabe was baptized, and my mom celebrated her seventieth birthday. It was a little touch and go there for a while. (Life is "exciting" when you don't mind leaving things until the last minute!) But, after several hours of really great sleep, I find myself awake just wanting to record how grateful I feel for my family and for my friends. And for family that are my friends.<br />
<br />
This is an incredibly busy time of year. It is hard to carve out time to get together at all, so I wasn't surprised that our gathering yesterday didn't include many of our loved ones. In fact, I think that was part of not making a grand affair of it all - I didn't want to serve up one more obligation to complicate people's lives. Fortunately, Gabe is okay with that approach and so is my sweet mother. It makes it a little easier to graciously decline if an invitation is proffered at the last minute. The downside, of course, and it's kind of a big one, is that people who genuinely would have liked to have come weren't able to because they just didn't know, or didn't have enough time to arrange it.<br />
<br />
Anyway, even though it was a relatively small group of family and friends, it had me thinking of all the people I love and am grateful for. Chances are that if you are taking the time to read this, YOU are one of the people I am thinking of and am so grateful for. (REALLY.)<br />
<br />
Brian and I have been so blessed with family and friends who are like family over the years. I almost want to start listing people. But that would take so long and I would end up leaving someone out just because I am a flawed human being.<br />
<br />
As a rule, I try to avoid putting this kind of stuff out into the world. It's overly sweet and has too few specifics to make it interesting, but I'm just going to do it tonight. I'm just a little overwhelmed by the good memories and all the good feels.<br />
<br />
To all of our loved ones that miraculously came to our gathering yesterday, thank you. We love you.<br />
To all you you glorious people who weren't there and who (maybe) weren't even invited: thank you. We love you. I really feel like "I see you." I am truly grateful for the love you have shown me and my family.<br />
<br />
In closing, I would like to thank my brother, Mike, for getting some adorable clothes for Lena. I didn't think they would "work" because they seemed like the wrong size and season, but she wore them yesterday to the festivities and were just right! Thank you, brother! Once again, I have (happily) been proven wrong by the universe.the authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15723845940092746866noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4108127225266001092.post-32110902805106912792016-12-08T09:06:00.000-08:002016-12-08T09:06:02.801-08:0012.08.2016 -- Like a Thief in the NightYou're missing out. I had the BEST idea for a blog post last night, in the middle of the night. Now, of course, I can't remember anything about it--except that it was really good.<br />
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Also: I got our five year-old to snap out of his crying jag this morning by telling him he could watch THIS on my phone when he got into the car.<br />
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You're welcome!</div>
<br />the authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15723845940092746866noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4108127225266001092.post-34525424489695443942016-12-05T10:08:00.002-08:002021-01-20T23:01:24.486-08:0006.27.2015 -- Situation NormalI have been married for a long time. So has my husband, coincidentally.<br />
<br />
Yep.<br />
<br />
Also, he's tall, so I married up.<br />
<br />
Want to know how I feel about being married? Do you really?<br />
<br />
I often have better appreciation for my spouse when he's not here. Because of him, I have three children whom I love with every molecule of my being. Because of him, we have a beautiful home to live in and because of his influence, we have much less junk around. Because of him, I drive a really great car that fits my needs perfectly.<br />
<br />
Sometimes when he's home, his higher standards make me nervous and I start to question my competence.<br />
<br />
This is not the way all marriages work.<br />
<br />
But in marriage, you are tied to a person, who is human--prone to error.<br />
<br />
Before I continue, can I just say that, as a thirty-something year-old woman, I find myself quoting my parents waaaay more than I ever thought I would as a teenager?<br />
<br />
My dad told me that "Marriage is the graduate school of life." Having never attended more than a single course's worth of graduate school, I can't say I understand this aphorism as well as my dad does, but it still speaks to me.<br />
<br />
For the most part, married people choose their own fate, or.... their own adventure. Graduate students, I imagine, rarely end up in grad school without putting a good amount of effort into the endeavor.<br />
<br />
And it's not a small thing!<br />
<br />
Marriage.<br />
<br />
Okay. Here's what I really think. I realize that people fall in love and that they want to be married to the person they love, but marriage is less about the love that sends chemicals around tweaking your brain, and more about the deep love that happens by choice. Marriage is where the tweaking, natural drug of love, becomes the kind of love you have for your parents. In other words, I don't think a person can expect to get a contact high off the person they marry for 80 years, but what grows instead is better in a lot of ways.<br />
<br />
You fall in love and you can't stop thinking about him? You feel like you will die if you don't get to see him (and kiss him) every day? Good!<br />
<br />
But this is better: You can't stop thinking about him because he is part of you. Your home is his home. You know his imperfections intimately. He knows yours. You are not together because you forget to eat, just being around him; you are together because you choose to be. Because he holds your heart. Because you want to be there with him when he's an old man. Because just touching him lowers your blood pressure and release the tension you didn't even notice was there.<div><br /></div><div>Better.</div>the authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15723845940092746866noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4108127225266001092.post-84794607378839281762016-12-05T10:06:00.000-08:002016-12-05T10:06:27.123-08:0012.18.15 -- Decisions, DecisionsChristmas time is here again! Over the last few days, I have been working on Christmas cards and the summary of the past year. This year, my first inclination was to group all of the months together, just because I can't believe it's the end of another year.<br />
<br />
I like designing the card. I like how, with a few years under my belt, I have cards to look back on... I'm building a body of work. I like writing a super-brief summary about the past year. I can't do it without going through the pictures I took in the last 12 months, and there are a LOT of great memories. It helps my perspective. Things go so fast!<br />
<br />
So... do I reprint the cards I've already done after discovering more typos and adding odds and ends? No. Sorry folks. I'm just going to send them as they are. (As they are will I send them.)<br />
<br />
How many cards do I send out. The Lorax tells me not to send any... just to post it on Facebook, or send them by email. On the other hand, I get to see the faces of people I love taped to my pantry door (on the Christmas cards that were sent to us), and I want to reciprocate.<br />
<br />
Decisions, Decisions.<br />
<br />
Here's the rundown for 2015:<br />
<br />
<div class="p1">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"><b>January</b>: Brian celebrates his birthday by going snowmobiling, Charlie celebrates turning 4 by running around, up and over giant inflatable bouncy toys. Both parties involve lots of friends. Happiness! Skiing for </span><span class="s2">all of us</span><span class="s1">! Preparing to move.*</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"><br /></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"><b>February:</b> We discover the Natural History Museum in Salt Lake and fall in love. Lucy is passionate about All-Star Cheerleading. Gabe is doing his best not to zone out in the Chinese part of his kindergarten. Charlie enjoys 4 sets of HotWheels tracks from his birthday. Occasional skiing! Preparing to move.*</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"><br /></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"><b>March:</b> More cheer practice, more violin practice, more gymnastics practice, more Chinese, not much good skiing. (But some!) Skateboarding, diorama building, preparing to move.*</span><br />
<span class="s1"><br /></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"><b>April:</b> A fun trip to Idaho, ice bowling, gym, violin, Chinese, homework, playdates. Face paint. Some skiing. Deciding not to move.*</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"><br /></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"><b>May, June, July, August:</b> School, gym, playdates, cheer. Preschool and Kindergarten graduation. Violin practice, cheer practice, gymnastics. Gabe starts level 4 gymnastics (competitive). Swimming. Late nights. Silver Lake time! Frog and newt hunting. Kennebunkport time! Family! Lucy celebrates her 10th birthday by having her cheer team over for a cook out after practice. Gabe celebrates his 6.7 birthday by going boating. All parties involve lots of friends. Happiness!*</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"><b>September</b>: School! Lucy in 5th grade, Gabe in 1st, Charlie still in PreK. Gym time. Chinese. Cheer. Violin. Playdates. Fun. Val goes on her first backpacking trip in a few years! Happiness.*</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"><br /></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"><b>October:</b> Lucy channels her inner monkey for Halloween. Gabe condescends to be a mummy, but only for about 10 minutes. Charlie is stoked to be a red Power Ranger (Troy).*</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"><br /></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"><b>November:</b> Gabe quietly celebrates his real 7th birthday. Charlie learns how to do his round-off. Contentment. Family. Friends. Happiness.*</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"><br /></span></div>
<div class="p3">
<span class="s3"><b>December</b></span><span class="s1"><b>:</b> December 14th, we finally get snow! Gabe competes in his first gymnastics meet! Lucy finally gets her round-off back tuck! Happiness.*</span></div>
<div class="p3">
<br /></div>
<div class="p5">
<span class="s1"><i>*</i>Some grumbling. Some whining. Some fighting over lame stuff. Impressive temper tantrums, too.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="p6">
<br /></div>
the authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15723845940092746866noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4108127225266001092.post-65941156066503890022016-12-05T10:05:00.002-08:002021-01-20T23:05:53.020-08:0003.06.16 -- Long Strange TripSometimes, a person just wants to put her words out there for all the world to read, I guess.<br />
<br />
Today I have the itch to write.<br />
<br />
I'm scared.<br />
<br />
There's that meme going around that says something like, "Trying to figure out who to vote for is like trying to decide what STD is just right for me." It hits home. Here's my problem. I have a hard time believing someone who I would want to vote for would put him or herself in that position.<br />
<br />
And then there's F@cb@@k. What an exercise in futility. It is filled with people trying to change other people's minds about so many things... It's hard to imagine a person open minded enough to actually change their mind about a candidate or a position. I guess there might be some who are undecided who might be swayed.<br />
<br />
And I am scared about who might be elected. Does it matter who I dread most? Probably not. Who is going to read this and change their vote?<br />
<br />
But I'm sort of obsessed with it.<br />
<br />
Politics is something that I feel obligated to give a certain amount of consciousness to, and then I get sucked in. Before I know it, embarrassing amounts of my life have been sucked away and I have nothing to show for it. I do not try to change people's minds.<br />
<br />
So, I pray. I pray that somehow, the American people will not screw it up, and that we will somehow avoid being suckers or idiots or idealists.<br />
<br />
I'm sure that's laughable to lots of people, but I believe in prayer.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />the authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15723845940092746866noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4108127225266001092.post-62544324696149563232016-12-05T10:03:00.001-08:002021-01-20T23:08:29.839-08:0011.27.2016 -- A New One. Perfection.A little more than three weeks ago, we became a family of 6. It's pretty strange, to be honest. I never really thought that I would be a person to have 4 children, let alone have them a little later in life. This, I guess, is how "other people's lives" suddenly become understandable.<br />
<br />
There have been a lot of things in my life that have been completely unexpected. Not that having four children happened overnight or happened without my consent. But I never made plans for it as a kid. Its funny to me to think how much time I spent daydreaming as a kid - about what my life would be like as an adult. I used to go on long walks alone at night, and I spent the whole time thinking that out there, somewhere, probably, was a boy that one day would be my husband. What a waste of time! There is no way to know what our future holds!<br />
<br />
As (one of my aunts) wisely pointed out once, "for people who plan, frustration comes when their plans don't work out. For people who don't plan, frustration comes when they're working their way through." I shouldn't even attribute that to her. When she said it, it was understandable, eloquent, and made perfect sense. I mangled it. (But sometimes, I choose to settle for what I can do - and that falls SO short of perfection!)<br />
<br />
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On that note: Thanksgiving has come and gone! Some people seem to be able to produce a perfect dinner party! Perfect food, perfect decor, perfect table settings, perfect clothes and hair... Everything. I'm appreciative of that level of execution, but I find that I lack the patience to produce flawless things. I'm not interested in that degree of quality control. </div>
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We were invited to Thanksgiving dinner at my sister-in-law's house. It was really nice. She is pretty close to perfection herself. Meanwhile, at our house, while some people have Christmas fully up and going, our kids are still reading Halloween books and singing Halloween songs! (We have some Christmas songs in the mix, too.)</div>
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A few days before Charlie was born, I came to the realization that if we were going to have 3 kids in our family, I had to come to terms with the fact that much in our lives would be imperfect. (Understate things much?) Sometimes I forget this important bit of wisdom (usually after I have spent maybe a little too much energy cleaning the house). With 4 children, it's a little different. Mostly because the three oldest are capable of so much. The house is a lot more manageable now, so the focus is more on behavior. Now, I try to remember that perfection is a little much to ask from any of us. </div>
the authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15723845940092746866noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4108127225266001092.post-10632772424177692222016-12-05T10:01:00.002-08:002021-01-20T23:40:13.569-08:0012.05.2016 -- Personal Maternal, Coming of AgeIn a few days, Gabe will be baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. We have a new baby at home and for that reason, I am still in what I call hermit-mode. I haven't invited many people. A friend of mine thinks maybe it's due to post-partum depression. It could be that that is true.<br />
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When it comes to discussing religion, I tend to become introspective and quiet. Maybe this quietness about Gabe's baptism is an outgrowth of that tendency of mine.<br />
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I am a faithful member of the LDS church. I'm a Latter-Day Saint. I am a Mormon. I know it, I live it and I love it. I am acutely aware that the world is full of people who don't share my beliefs. Maybe Gabe won't when he is older. I don't want to make decisions for him; he needs to make his own. But I will do my best to teach him everything I can, and to guide him toward a life of happiness and fulfillment.<div><br /></div><div><div style="text-align: center;">***</div>
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A few days ago, Charlie asked me to make pancakes for breakfast. I agreed and went to The Joy of Cooking for a recipe. Charlie asked if he could find it. (The Joy of Cooking is an enormous book, and Charlie isn't quite a reader yet.) I agreed and let Charlie apply himself to the task, fully expecting to help him find it in a few minutes after he expressed his frustration. Of course, since I'm taking the time to type this out, you suspect that he found the recipe. Well, he did! In a book of more than 1,100 pages, five-year-old Charlie was confident he would find a recipe I've never used before--and he did! It's a reminder to me that children often have more "going on" than we credit them.<br />
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<br /></div>the authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15723845940092746866noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4108127225266001092.post-82461009926605194362015-05-10T09:46:00.004-07:002021-01-20T23:41:26.321-08:0005.10.2015 -- Mother, Mother!It's mother's day.<br />
I got spoiled.<br />
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Lots of love and lots of presents. My daughter alone made me five handmade gifts! Beautiful things that I now get to find a place to show off. My husband got me a new laptop. (Sigh, gush, swoon.) Our other laptop (a most generous and unexpected gift from a favorite person of mine) died a sad death when it was dropped to our tile floor. Such a tragedy. Charlie got me pretzels and a monster church out of paper. (It's as cool as it sounds.) Gabe made me a jar of goodies with gum and gummy bears and money and pictures of some of the people I love and a very cool art piece made of paper.<br />
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Breakfast in bed.<br />
Snuggles.<br />
Hugs and kisses.<br />
Happiness.<br />
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Being a mother is pretty amazing. Pages and pages and pages have been written about being a mother. Truth be told, there could be a lot more written if mothers weren't so busy doing their mom thing. I'm not going to change the world by writing more about it, but it's Mother's Day, so I'll indulge myself.<br />
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What I love about being a mother:<br />
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The beautiful people. Seriously. My kids are the most beautiful people in the world. They have the best hearts, the best minds, the best little bodies, the best smiles... Ever. Of course, all moms should feel this way about their children. It's the way things work. It's how we survive. I do not believe they're perfect, but I try to love them like they are, and I hope they'll return the favor.<br />
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The partnership. I love being able to look over at Brian when one of our kids does something awesome to share a smile. It's a mutual admiration society.<br />
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The education. Think back to all of the teachers who have talked about what education means. Now... recall (please) the part where they explain that the word educate or closely related to educere, which means to bring out or lead out. Being mother has certainly done that for me. I feel like I have an insight into men that I never could have gotten without having a son (sons, in my case). Having these beautiful people around is motivation for me to do all things good. And to do all things well.<br />
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The insight. Marriage is one doorway into a whole new place, and parenthood is another. For me, being a mother more than doubled what I could see of the world. Figuratively speaking. It was like putting on 3D glasses in a 3D movie that I hadn't even realized could be more than 2 dimensional.<br />
Get me? Good.<br />
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Relative to my Utah peers, I came a little late to the motherhood game.<br />
I'm so glad I came!<br />
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<br />the authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15723845940092746866noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4108127225266001092.post-12180899775665759652014-12-06T13:17:00.001-08:002014-12-06T14:04:23.670-08:0012.06.2014 -- Supposition and Surprise<div class="p1">
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<span class="s1">This summer, we discovered that cheerleading as a sport fits Lucy well. It’s a natural, more social, step from gymnastics and tumbling. Maybe you are like me several years ago. You already know what you think about cheerleading, even though you haven't spent much time around cheerleaders. You went to school with cheerleaders. You saw what they brought to basketball games and football games.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Please read and complete the following phrases:</span></div>
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<span class="s1">White people are:</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Black people are:</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Asians are:</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Polynesians are:</span><br>
<span class="s1">Vegetarians are:</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Football players are:</span></div><div class="p1"><span class="s1">Ballet dancers are:</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Computer programmers are:</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Cheerleaders are:</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Let me tell you what cheerleaders are. Cheerleaders are dedicated, tough-as-nails (get kicked in the face much?), hard-working, funny, and smart. Cheerleaders spend hours and hours building skills and fine-tuning group routines that are physically and mentally demanding. </span></div>
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<span class="s1">Some cheerleaders are *amazing* tumblers. Some have to work harder to get their skills. Some cheerleaders look like they might model on the side. Some have more unconventional looks. Some cheerleaders are dressed to impress most of the time. To some, fashion isn’t even an afterthought. </span></div>
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<span class="s1">Cheerleading is a team sport. Nothing quite fosters team building than literally lifting, supporting and catching your teammates when they fly or fall (or flail). It’s as much a team sport as soccer. I love soccer. I love watching kids run after the ball and pour their own energy into a collective effort. I love games in weather and how kids and spectators are reminded that people don’t shrivel up when we are out in the rain or even snow.</span></div><div class="p1"><span class="s1"><br></span></div><div class="p1">When soccer was Lucy's main sport, I felt fine mentioning it. Lucy has soccer practice... Lucy has a soccer game. Because of my own prejudice, I am still wary of talking about her involvement with cheerleading. How sad. The sport of cheerleading is great, it's just different.</div>
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<span class="s1">One thing that separates cheerleading from sports like soccer is the preparation time. Depending on the coach, soccer can be as much as 100% competition. Soccer athletes could still play games (compete) without practices, but, like gymnastics or dance, cheer(leading) has a very different profile. Competition time comes in closer to 1%, with practice at </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">99%. Like most other team sports, if a teammate is missing, it can make a truly effective practice nearly impossible. </span></div><div class="p1"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div class="p1"><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">Did I miss national c</font><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">oming out day? I'm</span></div><div class="p1"><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">coming out, world. I am proud mother to a cheerleader, an athlete who loves her time in the gym and her team.</font></div>
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<span class="s1">I love watching my daughter at cheer practice. I love seeing her and her team all giving 100% to be in the right place at the right time, to put those hours and hours of training to work in getting their jumps high and right, to contributing their own hard-won tumbling pass to the routine, to (literally) supporting their teammates or trusting their peers not to let them fall. I see these kids practicing and I see kids (yes, her team is all girls) who are learning about the value of consistency, dedication, and preparation. They are learning that they (literally) have the power to send themselves or their teammates flying into the air, and to bring them down safely. I see girls who, despite not being built the same, are confident in their own skins because they can do amazing things with their bodies. </span></div><div class="p1"><span class="s1"><br></span></div><div class="p1"><span class="s1">I love cheer.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">The other night, Lucy and I learned how to do her team's competition hairstyle and make-up. I feel like a dance mom/gymnastic mom hybrid!</span></div>
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the authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15723845940092746866noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4108127225266001092.post-28866529374457405992014-10-28T22:28:00.000-07:002014-10-28T22:56:35.884-07:0010.28.2014 -- Middle Child Blues<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Parents have lots of problems built in, yet we make more for ourselves all the time. For example, I started our first in gymnastics classes when she was 3, and encouraged her to take as many classes as she liked. Now that (only) two other children are in the mix, and Lucy is even busier, 3 or 4 classes a week turns into 9 or ...17!<br />
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I never did the math, even though I reminded myself from time to time that the exponential activity explosion would happen one day. Probably the bigger "problem" here is me trying to equalize my parenting and time allotment from child to child. A noble idea, but impossible and maddening.<br />
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If I were wise, I would just accept that the oldest will have advantages that the others won't, and that the youngers will have advantages the oldest didn't. It seems so simple!<br />
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Take Gabe's Kindergarten experience. His is <i>very</i> different from Lucy's, although they are both enrolled in the same school and we live in the same house.<br />
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Gabe is in a Chinese immersion program.<br />
The only program available to Lucy was the... English immersion program.<br />
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Gabe's school day is much longer than Lucy's Kindergarten school day.<br />
Gabe eats lunch at school. Lucy never did.<br />
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I took Lucy to school every day.<br />
Gabe often gets to walk or ride his scooter to school with Lucy.<br />
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This is the tip of the iceberg.<br />
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<b>So...what does that have to do with...anything?</b></div>
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Well:<br />
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The other day, I got an email from Gabe's Chinese teacher requesting help from parents in her morning class. She explained that the afternoon class was getting along fine, but that the morning class was falling behind due to "behavior problems."<br />
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When Lucy was in Kindergarten, I got into her classroom regularly enough. Not all the time (I did have Gabe to care for, after all), but I was able to squeeze it in. Before yesterday, I hadn't spent any time at all in Gabe's class.<br />
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When I read that email, I decided that I needed to find a way to help in Gabe's class. Imagine how much stronger that resolve became when Gabe's teacher approached me one afternoon - when I picked him up after school - to ask me to come to class to help Gabe pay attention better.<br />
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I guess it never occurred to me that Gabe would have any difficulty in school. In retrospect, I think I should've been more aware. When Gabe is faced with something that is new to him, it's pretty normal for him to get frustrated to the point of withdrawal. I've tried to teach him to tie his shoes at least 20 times. It feels like fifty. He won't sit through it. Its like the instruction hits the "special kind of torture" receptors in his brain. His Chinese teacher explained that Gabe often just goes into his own little world and plays by himself while the teacher instructs the class.<br />
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So, I made arrangements and spent 3 hours yesterday with Gabe in his Chinese class. It was fun. It was eye-opening. It was exhausting!<br />
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It has been a long time since I've learned much that was truly novel. Until yesterday, I had forgotten how exhausting it is to be immersed in a foreign language. I remember being absolutely <i>wiped out</i> when I was immersed in other languages in France and in Africa. Those three hours of helping the teacher and reminding kids to stay on task and not talk while the teacher was talking was a great reminder of what Gabe is doing every day in school.<br />
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I made arrangements to spend a couple of days each week in Gabe's class. I had a hard time getting to that decision - chalk it up to <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=mom+guilt&safe=active&espv=2&biw=1440&bih=717&source=lnms&sa=X&ei=_39QVL2EBtShyATLoIDQCg&ved=0CAUQ_AUoAA&dpr=1" target="_blank">mom guilt</a> - but I found someone to babysit Charlie who I feel will add a lot to his world. I am so relieved to have time scheduled for me to focus just on Gabe!<br />
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the authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15723845940092746866noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4108127225266001092.post-85167330796110707342014-10-25T23:39:00.003-07:002014-10-25T23:57:10.794-07:0010.26.2014 - The Rainbow BridgeZoey has gone to meet her maker. <span style="font-size: xx-small;">(<a href="http://www.listology.com/rosiecotton/list/euphemisms-deathdeadto-die" target="_blank">Euphemisms</a> fascinate me.)</span><br />
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I just realized that this means I'll need to update the blog description, so I might as well write something about it, too.<br />
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We (our family of five) took Zoey in to the vet for euthanasia a few weeks ago. It was hard. She had fallen a few times - her legs just gave out under her while she was standing there - so I made a few calls and scheduled the appointment we had been dreading for years. The vet, <a href="http://www.amcvet.net/veterinarians" target="_blank">Joe Liljenquist</a>, is a friend of Brian's so we may have gotten extra special treatment, but I doubt it. All of the staff were great. They even sent us flowers!<br />
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All of us, except Charlie, shed tears by the time we'd left Zoey, still warm but unmoving, there in the vet's office. Charlie seemed to think it was no big deal: Zoey was going to be an angel dog and to live with Grandpa Dave in heaven. This seemed alright with him.<br />
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Having not owned a dog before, I didn't really know what to expect. In retrospect, I think I could've made an educated guess. When I was a kid, my mom made a difficult decision to remove a pet cat from our home. I loved that cat a lot. A LOT. I cried hard when I found out. I could've guessed that I would react similarly to Zoey being gone. <br />
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One of my cousins saw an online post of mine about losing Zoey and responded with the text of "The Rainbow Bridge," which I hadn't seen before. What a lovely thought, that Rainbow Bridge where our four-legged companions wait for us... I hope it's true!</div>
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When I read "<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vUpZBzI1z6Q" target="_blank">The Diggingest Dog</a>" to Charlie, he often requests that I change the story so the dog, Duke, is Zoey. Whenever Zoey is subbed in for Duke, Charlie asks that I also substitute <i>Charlie</i> in for Sammy Brown. This is how I know that Zoey still plays a part in Charlie's story. We have enough pictures that I think Charlie will always have "memories" of Zoey, but I don't know whether they'll come from him or the pictures.<br />
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Brian and I got Zoey for our one year anniversary. She enchanted us with her impossibly blue eyes and velvet coat. She destroyed lots and lots of things we were attached to. She taught us what it was like to leave a crying "baby" in a safe place to learn how to self-soothe.<br />
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Fifteen years leaves a lot of room for memories: I have so many of Zoey. There were so many things I got to experience because of her. I came to know new places, new people, and new things about myself. I wanted to put "the sweetest thing" under her name on the memorial plaque we ordered from the pet cremation place, but Brian won me over when he reasoned that we should leave it at her name.<br />
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I'm not what some people call "a bucket-list person," but if I were, if I had to do it over again, if I could somehow benefit from my own life experience and advice... I would put "own an awesome dog for 15 years" on that list. (That's a lot of ifs, I know.)the authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15723845940092746866noreply@blogger.com0