12.25.2010 -- Christmas

I'm sitting here alone in a very quiet house. I can hear the refrigerator. Lucy just squeaked in her sleep. Other than that, all of the noise comes from me, but I'm being very quiet. Not like yesterday.

Yesterday, I woke up convinced that our house smelled like dog. No offense to our sweet dog, Zoey or to other dogs out there, or to individuals who love the smell of dogs, but it wasn't really what I was going for, so I broke out the vacuum while the rest of the house was asleep and sucked up all the dog hair I could before I went to do some squats and jumping pull-ups. (That sounds funny, but it's true.) When I got home, I had time to give Zoey a good shower before I cleaned up some more. Brian asked me seriously yesterday, "Val, are you nesting?" Funny. (And as to the answer, only time will tell!)

So I'm trying to be nice this morning, allowing everyone else to sleep; and I get to wait. How long? Twenty minutes? Two hours? More than likely, I will be waiting closer to two hours for the rest of the family to rouse. Gabe was up with a stuffy nose, but after a tantrum (7.5 out of 10 for intensity), is back to sleep snuggled in with his Daddy. I haven't blogged for a while, so here I am!

Last night, Lucy realized that she hadn't sent off a letter to Santa, so we composed one on the computer. Here's the list that came out last night (it has changed some since she started answering peoples' requests to know what she wants from Santa):

Cheerleading, soccer clothes , and a beauty salon for her doll, Julie
Fuzzy socks *
Locket necklace (with her mom and dad inside)
A red and black ladybug PillowPet *
Fake snow for her doll to play in
A doll angel
Pretend roses
Footie PJs (three pair, please) *
A beautiful Christmas dress with glitter on it *
A smelly candle
A picture of Santa and Mrs. Claus

In addition to this, Lucy has requested:
A pretend gun, a pair of fuzzy socks with racecars on them, a big play pot and a pretend plant to water--on behalf of Gabe.

For Brian, Lucy asked for two (real) small shovels, red and black.

For her mother? Lucy asked for a "comfy place for her to sleep, like a bed."

This brings me to my sleeping situation. Pretty early on in this pregnancy, I asked Brian to bring the love sac upstairs so I could sleep there. It was the perfect place for me to sleep and get relief from my only real complaint about pregnancy: heartburn. About a month ago, the love sac was a little hard for me to crawl out of, so I tried sleeping in bed, but found that it was difficult to roll over because I sort of stuck in the memory foam. I ended up on the couch. I also occasionally end up in bed with Lucy, because I am aware of (or think I am) how fast she is growing up and I've regarded those hours as a few stolen moments of fast-disappearing snuggle time.

So for Christmas, my (o-so-sweet) daughter has requested a place for me to sleep. Bless her heart. It has been working out better for me to sleep in my own bed, and with Lucy's request to Santa in mind, I actually slept in my own bed last night. Yay!

***

After the house is asleep.

I need to fill in the blanks, but let me just say that today has been phenomenal. So good. So nice. So magical. Christmas is for children, and we have two of them!

Lucy got almost nothing on her "list," but was thrilled anyway. Just like on her birthday and at Christmas last year, she was incredibly excited about everything and declared that many of the gifts were "just what she always wanted." *She got fuzzy socks, a unicorn PillowPet from GrandmaJudy, one pair of footie PJs (not Christmas themed), and some very fancy dresses (for dress-up).

As the main shopper, I feel like I got it right with the amount of gifts for the kids, and that all of what they received will be fun and good for them.

Gabe was very happy and obviously liked his tool kit, Duplo Legos, scooter and Mickey Mouse pjs a lot.

Brian spoiled me, which is normal around here. (Sounds so trite to say he "spoils me." Maybe instead, I should say that he got me way more than I needed or asked for, but that I really love what he gave me...and it wasn't just gifts--enough bragging, already!) We were fortunate to be surrounded by people we love, which made the day that much better. It was, as has been said before, and certainly by better people: a day for the record books.

(I woke up first today and now am going to bed last. I guess I just don't want to let this day go.)

...

Non sequitur about birthdates: A few weeks ago and even a few days ago, I was pretty down on the idea of having a Christmas baby. HOWEVER, today, I have found myself sincerely thinking that it would be a lot of fun. The difference is that I know a family who has twins who were born on Christmas and they celebrate a half birthday (in June). That's what I would want to do. All kinds of solutions to all kinds of "problems."

12.06.2010 -- Mickey Mouse

Gabe has developed a thing for Mickey Mouse. I got him a retro t-shirt with a bunch of Disney character heads on it, and he calls it his "mimouse" shirt. He has the tiniest lisp which is HEARTMELTING. When I help him put this shirt on, I can't help but think that there is the slightest resemblance between Gabe and the mouse.

(As long as I'm making a point of comparing, I may as well point out that it's this more modern version of Mickey Mouse with eyebrows that makes me think of Gabe.)

12.02.2010 -- In Review

I've recently wrapped up a big project: scrapbooks. I do it digitally (good t-shirt), so it's a little different, but it took a lot of time. This gave me an opportunity to review our lives from when Lucy was a toddler on. (I had a little catching up to do.)

Like moving, I think this kind of review is something that is so beneficial that everyone should do it every few years. When we have moved in the past, we have gotten rid of a lot of dead weight, much of what we didn't need or use any more ended up at DI (Goodwill) or recycled. That's what I mean by the benefit. When else do regular people have the desire or dedication to sift through the inevitable accumulation of extra stuff that is collected when they put down roots? (Pregnancy, maybe. I'm gearing up for another little purge of my own here in the next few days.)

Well, in reviewing and trying to give a sense of order to the past few years of our family life, I have gotten a renewed sense of optimism, funnily enough. Right now, I am managing to do more than put on shoes to exercise, but putting on my shoes still leaves me short of breath. It has done me good to see pictures that show that things get back to normal after pregnancy, or at least that they can.

Another thing that stood out for me after reviewing thousands of pictures is how many pictures we have that I love and how many of these show our two children being sweet and loving toward each other. They are kind to each other every day, but there is also conflict. While I don't take pictures of them in conflict, there is still enough proof of their loving relationship that it makes me think that it will continue. They are 5 and 2--how's that for extrapolation? Yes, I may be stretching it, but it still leaves me with that impression.

We are sick this week. It started at Gabe's birthday party. He had a lot of fun, but did seem a little cranky. When the dust settled on Sunday, we took his temperature and found him fevered. It's been on and off fevers and general malaise all week. We went to the doctor yesterday for a pre-scheduled well-check visit where the doctor said he was fine, but/and he is down again today.

I was reading a little yesterday before going to bed and I came across Dieter F. Uchtdorf's talk, Of Things That Matter Most. In the talk he points out the wisdom and importance of slowing down, especially when our lives face "turbulence." Combined with a podcast I listened to recently about a method to establish bonds between troubled adopted children and their adoptive parents--I want to say attachment parenting, but that may not be right...

Anyway, with the combination of these two bits of informational input, it occurred to me that when our children or other loved ones are laid low by illness or something else, it really is an opportunity for us to serve them more closely and re-forge the bonds that hold us together. I've always maintained that being sick serves us in making us grateful for our health, but now I'm thinking that the appreciation for health is very small change compared to the challenging opportunity we have to really serve our loved ones and re-establish those important connections that hold us together.

Now, I'm going to go hold my sick (baby) boy, who is two years old.

11.27.2010 -- Milestone

From Gabe's birthday

Gabe's birthday tomorrow!

He is so darn cute!

He says he wants a vanilla cake ("nilla.")

I had forgotten how determined and persevering he has proven himself to be. This is something I noticed when he was a baby. When he was working on rolling over, or grabbing his feet. Whatever it was, he went after it whole-heartedly.

Now he is after physical independence. (Da da daaaa.)

Eleven Random Things That You May Not Have Known About Me

1- I have a secret belief that I, personally, know and am surrounded by, the most interesting and praiseworthy people on the planet. These are people in my neighborhood, in my family (near and far) and my far-flung friends. The kicker to this belief is that I ALSO believe that the same thing is true about everyone else. I know. Impossible. But true.
2- I am in love with words. I love to read and to write, to listen and to talk. I spend a decent amount of energy suppressing or delaying my urges to read, write, or talk. Listening is less of a challenge to suppress; I use podcasts and audiobooks as an outlet.
3- My kids are the cutest and the best and the most talented. The kicker is, so are yours.
4- I love Christmas but am lazy and have a bad attitude about Christmas decorations, at least when it comes to me and my own house. That said, I do appreciate the storybook loveliness of a well-done Christmas mantle and tree--even if I'm the one that puts it up and takes it down.
5- My favorite holiday is Thanksiving, because of the people and the stuffing.
6- I secretly love and admire you more than is appropriate to indicate. Sometimes it leaks out, and that's why I act strangely at times.
7- I almost never willingly re-read books or re-watch movies.
8- I love music and (dancing and singing), but only really feel comfortable dancing ad singing in front of my kids. We'll see how long that lasts.
9- In many ways, I have the stereotypical mentality of an elderly person. For example, I really have to work to implement standards for myself as far as self-presentation goes, and to motivate myself, I tell myself that it's for my family's sake that I should not wear shapeless sweats to the grocery store.
10- I love to draw. One of my favorite things to draw is profiles of people. Not portraits, but made-up profiles. I like to see how wide a range of looks I can represent with a simple line drawing. I think I started doing this about 15 - 20 years ago.
11- I have an unnatural affection for games. Not "counting, move-your-piece games" but "deeply involving, move-your-brain games."

11.22.2010 -- Snowy Sunday Recap

How sad. One post per month?

Yesterday was pretty wonderful. We got a lot--A LOT--of snow.

Brian and the kids spent part of the morning downstairs watching television. This is something I'm not opposed to, as it is a true break for me, and something they all seem to enjoy. I made puff-up pancakes, then we all went outside while Brian cleaned the walks and driveway with the snowblower. Lucy used the opportunity to get to know the new guy next door, Tyler. I spent every moment with Gabe, who seemed to think it was a perfect time to ride every bike and "bike" in our growing collection.

We made it to church. Late, but not egregiously so, and Lucy gave a talk in Primary. Such a people person. She is quite composed and effective in front of a crowd when she is assigned a talk in sharing time. I find it amusing that I can use her opportunity to talk as leverage when I negotiate with her. As in, "Lucy, that's fine if you don't want to take a bath, but you may not give a talk without taking a bath." Instant panic/action.

Not everything went smoothly yesterday. We had a lot of drama about hair. Lucy wanted her hair done "in ringlets," which I was happy to do, but she didn't come in from the snow in time. ...And Gabe was pretty upset too, although I can't exactly remember what about.

It's the status quo these days to have someone truly upset. With Gabe it's all related to his desire for and frustration with carrying out his autonomy: getting his own snack, dressing himself, being in charge of what he wears, etc. With Lucy, it's more likely to be related to wanting more hands on time or more attention or help with something she's fully capable of herself, like buckling up. Another common sticking point with Lucy is just plain resistance to things she's asked to do that she's always done, like going to bed, brushing her teeth, bathing, etc.

So yes, we had a fair measure of tears and crying yesterday, but it went fine.

We got home and Lucy, Gabe and I made lunch--open-faced hot turkey and cheese sandwiches--before Brian headed back to church to do his time as the assistant financial clerk. Hours in that position get much longer at the end of the year when tithing settlement rolls around.

The next few hours included a peacefully-entered nap for Gabe, lots of one-on-one time for me and Lucy designing outfits with a fashion stencil kit, and playtime.

When Brian got home around 7 pm, dinner was ready and the house was actually tidy. After dinner, the kids took on Brian in a wrestling match that sounded very happy from where I cleaned up the kitchen.

Brian then took over while I zoned out, and I entered the picture again after the kids had pyjamas on and teeth brushed. I took over reading to Lucy and Brian took Gabe to read in our bedroom. They will soon be able to focus on the same books, but it's still a little struggle to fit Gabe's attention span into what Lucy is interested in at bedtime.

Lucy and I spent about an hour reading. I made her read a lot of small words in some of the stories, which seems to be tiring for her but also very gratifying.

*And cue the bedtime music.* Lovely day.

10.17.2010 -- Hmmmph

Time is running out. I'm not doing anything about it, but I feel it. Less than two weeks and we're at Halloween. After that, Thanksgiving and Gabe's birthday. Then Christmas. Then BT's birthday and then another birth day. Or maybe it will be the birth day then his birthday. Either way, time is running out.

This past week has seemed to take at least a month. Gabe, Lucy and I have had a croupy cold that has laid us low. No school. No gym. I've tried to get us outside at least once a day, which I will be the first to admit is pitiful. Sometimes, though, things just are what they are.

However: we've turned a corner. School tomorrow, and real life.

P.S. Have I included how Gabe says "I love you?"
Just in case, here it is: "Da doo."

09.30.2010 -- Sickening, Really

One day, Facebook as we know it will be in the rear-view mirror. These days, however, it sucks up a lot of time and energy from a lot of good people. For myself, I spend time looking at what people post there and the benefits may just cancel out the detriments. More specifically, I am much more up to date with certain loved-ones than I would be otherwise, and I am also much more current with people who may not be as important.

The point of this post is to say what I don't say every day on Facebook, where it gives a prompt for a status update: "what's on your mind." What's on my mind, Facebook? What's on my mind? Well, it's a little sickening, really: sickeningly sweet. I am so in love with my family that the love songs that run through my mind are more geared to my kids than my sweet, sweet husband. Case in point: the David Gray "My Oh My" song. For some reason, this refrain is the most common muzak in my head when I'm holding Lucy or Gabe. (Please no over-examination of the lyrics. I've checked, and they don't fit very well, only certain parts: "My oh My, you know it just don't stop.")

Status update: I am so so so so so so so in love with my family. (Told you it was bad.)

Yesterday, we went to the rec center for an afternoon of swimming--I was hoping that the outdoor section would still be open, the temperature being in the high eighties yesterday. It wasn't. Still, the kids and I had a blast.

Lucy is now a true swimmer. I must have been around her age when, after swimming in the presence of my Grandmother, she remarked that I "looked like I was drowning." Lucy is a chip off the old block in this respect: she too, looks like she's drowning, but she can actually swim! Gabe is a little water baby. He has NO FEAR, which is a little scary, but entertaining. He loves to be on his own in the water. And when I say on his own, I mean completely on his own. His preference is to jump into water that is about twice his own height and spend a few seconds swimming. He is then content to be fished out--sometimes sputtering, but always grinning.

As Lucy told Brian last night, we "met a classmate" of hers at the rec center--red-headed Will. He was there with his family and Lucy, true to form, ended up tight with his sisters--especially his older sister, Addie. I had to drag her away from the pool and the slide when it was time to go.

Afterward, I "let" Lucy and Gabe play on the climbing wall. Let in "quotation marks" because no one has to try too hard to get me to let my kids spend time doing something like climbing.

Such a good life!

09.14.2010 -- Five, etc. (Or Maybe Etcetera and Five)

These two are great kids--and they are my life right now. Lucy is enjoying kindergarten, especially math, PE and music. After school, because we have very few obligations, it's normal for us to spend an hour or so at the school playground just messing around. Good times.

In this picture, Gabe is sporting a small cut below his lip. This came from a fall at said playground where he bit THROUGH his lower lip. Booo! I was there and caught him before he hit the ground, but not before his chin hit the tower he was climbing.

Gabe is into jumping, standing on unlikely things "surf style," and wearing clothes that he considers "ball" clothes. Last night at a soccer game, his cousin, Gabe (not a typo), let him ride his three-wheeled scooter--he was a natural.

Last night was spent at Lewis Park to watch our nephew, Luis, play soccer. Fun! Lucy, Gabe and I showed up in time to see the game start. Luis did great, by the way, and his team totally spoiled the opposing team's undefeated record. Monica and Scott brought pizza for dinner and I brought popsicles for dessert. I wasn't sure if Brian would eat with us, but I knew he was planning to come right after he hit the gym. When he showed up, I was talking with a friend, standing at the far side of a roofed eating area. He gestured toward the end of the pavillion, to the tables where Monica and Scott had the pizza laid out and asked if we were eating here. I was mostly paying attention to my friend, but heard Brian and answered that "yes, there was food," and that he should go say "hello."

A few minutes later, I glanced around and saw my husband going through a potluck line that belonged to a different party.

This food was in the same general direction that "our food" was in, and we knew quite a few people in the group, but it was definitely not for us, as we had contributed nothing and had no business with their party.

I was a little mortified for Brian. He had no idea that he was crashing a party. What did I do?

I loudly explained the misunderstanding to the group of people that we mostly knew, acknowledging that it was my fault and not his. They were great and invited him back for seconds. (Not that he took them up on their offer.)

This started a short discussion on how easy it would be to crash potluck parties--as no one said a word to Brian about him helping himself.

Fairy Party

Here's a confession: Lucy wanted a water party outside. She never mentioned any fairy party. However, so many of her friend's parties were outside and featured water and princesses, that I made an executive decision and announced that she would be having a fairy party this year. Happily, Lucy liked the idea, so we went with it.

Last year, we tried to include EVERYONE. It worked--but the idea of doing it again exhausted me, so I set my limits this year. We also had some of the older girls in the neighborhood over as helpers: they helped paint faces, make fairy skirts with strips of tulle, and put together fairy houses.

The party went well, but things got a little rowdy there in the middle when the girls made up a tag-chase game called "fairy free." We had an accidental run-in with a very hard, very mean banister that left a black eye. Oops. (Sad!)

Lucy loved the make-up and nail supplies the most, her phrase of the day being, "I can't thank you enough!"

08.25.2010 -- Turning a Corner

Lucy had her fifth birthday this past weekend, her first day of public school Monday, and declared last night that her front tooth is really loose. I didn't expect to get too emotional dropping her off her off for kindergarten, but I did get a little teary-eyed. Why? Because I was leaving her alone to deal with the new teacher and a room full of new kids. I knew she would do fine, even would probably do great--it just pulled at those old heart-strings.

Gabe is (hmmm--how to explain it?) ...obsessed with sports clothes. It's cute unless it's Sunday and he's wailing (for half-an-hour) because we won't put a jersey on him to go to church.

They're both adorable and sometimes maddening. Love 'em to bits.

07.08.2010 -- Showing Up

Since showing up is 50% completion in my book, I am making a special effort to show up on my poor neglected blog.

A friend texted me recently and said something like this, "you've been MIA on your blog... that means one thing!" She was right.

I'm due January 4th.

Woot. :)
I went back to look at blogs written when I was expecting Gabe and discovered that when I was at the same stage, I didn't have much to say about my state. That was a little disappointing. I'm pretty sure I didn't focus on that for a good reason, I'm just a little disappointed.

For the record: at 14 weeks, I have gained 10 lbs and don't feel too bad, just "puffy" and nausea/heartburn afflicted. I get tired, but mostly from herding Lucy and Gabe (whom I adore).

Since I posted last, the biggest event around here has been a (drum roll) WEDDING! My very own sister got married at our very own house. It was....fun and a little stressful--ann experience I wouldn't trade. :)

Fast People

Tonight during one of the five minute stretches of my Yin Yoga class, it struck me that there are some very fast people in this world. I seem to know a few of them. It struck me that these people who do things so quickly and efficiently must get a lot more done than us slow ones... And it made me wonder who, ultimately, was more satisfied...

Me--I have no problem holding a stretch for a few minutes... But I've worked into that. It used to be less easily enjoyable. I wondered tonight if it would drive some of my fast friends crazy, doing 8 or so stretches during one 70 minute class.

Yep, pretty sure it would.

Well, I'm trying to learn from my fast friends. I'm trying to learn speed and decisiveness. Like Paulie Zink. Apparently, he founded Yin Yoga, but he moves pretty fast. Enjoy!

05.25.2010 -- Little Cooking Writer Pants

Lucy is certainly growing up. Her latest accomplishments are bit of autonomous cooking, and a taste for writing longish notes (composed and written by her, spelled by me). Here's an example:


See, she wanted Kelli Jo and Zoey to know that AS SOON AS they could play, they could come right in.


Later on in the day, when it was time to clean up, Lucy adopted the deck and organized it herself. She did a good job. After she tidied it up, she prepared it for friends. (It's hard to see, but she has made a name tag for the back of a chair. She made four.)

Dinner was the last project of the day for me (before Daddy got home), so, as often happens, it hadn't even taken shape when he got home. He went right to work on the yard. I offered to start dinner but we didn't come to any consensus, so I continued with the laundry. Lucy came in and told me that she would make dinner (Gabe had fallen asleep just recently). Our four-year-old making dinner? I was intrigued, so I encouraged her. About 5 - 10 minutes later, Lucy came in and told me that dinner was ready. I walked in to the kitchen to find three bowls of "cheesy rice" on the kitchen table, complete with a fork for each.

Lucy and I sat down to our deliciously melty cheesy rice and brought Daddy's outside.

Lucy now feels confident preparing chocolate milk, Kraft Easy Mac (n' cheese), peanut butter and honey (or jam) sandwiches, microwave oatmeal, cheesy rice (with precooked rice), thai noodle soup, and cold cereal. She's more interested in letters than numbers, so to get her using numbers more, I've encouraged her to dial up loved ones on the phone and use the microwave to cook (of course, only when I know she's using it).

Siblings

Sometimes Lucy says funny things to Gabe. Like today, she said, "Gabe, what on earth are you babbling about?" Or later today, she stated that she "needed some alone time." Gabe sometimes pulls Lucy's hair and takes her things. But there is a good deal of time when these two enjoy each other.

04.19.2010 -- Hilarious

After his shower this morning, I wrapped Gabe in a towel and set him up to get him diapered. He's laying there, knowing that he and I are about to engage in our recurring diaper struggle: He crawls away, I snag him and drag him back. He flips over, I pin his hips down to hold him still.

This morning, Gabe had a different strategy.

He holds his hand, fingers extended, over his twig and bits and tells me, very seriously, "hot." He repeats, "hot." Here I will translate all that comes through his eyes: "Mom, be careful. I'm hot. If you touch me, you'll get burned." All seriousness. He's really selling it.

"Ooh," I say. I look at him doubtfully, touch his leg hesitantly, then pull back. He burned me! I play it up.

Hilarious.

Big belly laughs. We have found our morning game.

What a funny kid. :)

April 13, 2010 -- Spring Breaketh: an account that waxeth on and on....

Our Spring Break was pretty uneventful, but we tried.

Easter was celebrated with a Putnam tradition: string (yarn) was stretched spiderweb-fashion throughout the house to lead Lucy to four Easter baskets. I put them all together in the garage. She followed a whole skein of yarn upstairs and down while I wound it back into a ball. She did wind some of it, but when I realized how long it would take for her to do it on her own, I followed her and just wound it myself. Gabe toddled around while Brian made puff-up pancakes, then Brian finished up the hunt with Lucy after most of the yarn was in a ball.

Because I got to see Brian navigate over and under string all over the house (remember Catherine Zeta-Jones in that movie with the lazers?) and because of Lucy's reaction when she found the baskets, I am logging this Easter as a success: both were very entertaining. I do wish I had thought to get Lucy's reaction on video. It was similar to the reaction she gave when she found what "The Leprechauns" had left for her and Gabe on St. Patrick's Day (shoes). Wow. She completely surpassed all of my expectations.

She SCREAMS with excitement and squeals. And maybe best of all, she declares how absolutely certain she has been that the Easter Bunny (or leprechauns) would leave her a book of princesses to paint along with treats (or a pair of sneakers). She is equally effusive about the books in Gabe's basket and the (ahem) mascara in my basket.
"I knew it!"

It was interesting to hear her theories on why Brian and I didn't get as much candy: we weren't as good, or as sweet, maybe. We would have to try to be better next year.

After listening to General Conference and painting fairies and princesses, we headed to Brian's mom's for lunch. With Grandma and plenty of cousins and aunts and uncles, Gabe and Lucy were in heaven. Plus, there are some things at Grandma's that just aren't available at home; at the end of this post, there is a mediocre video of Gabe on Uncle Davin's 40 year old hobby horse.

Monday, Gabe was sick with the stomach flu and it snowed. We recovered from Easter. Lucy watched "Babe," painted, and colored.

Tuesday was snowy: We went to the Rec Center for swimming. Lucy left from there to go play at her cousins'. I worked out with (the infamous) Amy in the afternoon. (Gabe loves her...I love her! On the down side, I couldn't point my feet much afterward, or my calves would cramp up.)

Tuesday: Enjoying the snow and recovering nicely!

Wednesday, we made a trip to the (very crowded) Discovery Children's Museum with some of Lucy's best friends and capped off the outing with ice cream. To her delight, Lucy was successful in inviting herself to play at their house afterward.

Wednesday: Lucy in front of the green screen with Kaylee.

Thursday, a beautifully sunny day, we spent outside helping a friend in his yard: Lucy's idea (she's quite taken with George), then got to some of our own yard work. Because all of our time outside was impromptu and I didn't anticipate it lasting, I never did get out the sunscreen. Oh well. Sunburns all around. Gabe got the worst of it, of course. He's now peeling on his forehead, nose and cheeks. I bought more sunscreen over the weekend in hopes that I won't make that mistake again.

Thursday: Lucy with George, showing off a "petrified bird." (A chunk of mulch.)

Friday, we cleaned and tidied like madpeople then spent some time in our back yard with Aunt Monica. Fun! Afterwards, we headed north to Lucy's cousin's birthday party. We are so lucky to have family close enough to spend time with them! In a perfect world, all of our loved ones would be so accessible. Friday night, we talked our niece 'Cole into tending the kids so Brian and I could go out. I got applause from our friends for actually making it out of the house (really--no really..they clapped for me). We had a great time. Interestingly, Zoey picked that night to run off and not come back. I got 6 calls from an unfamiliar number while we watched a movie. I decided it must be important, so stepped out to return a call and discovered that Zoe-the-Intrepid had turned up more than a mile from home. My wonderful sister-in-law came to the rescue. So glad I didn't have to leave to go pick up the wayward dog. (Thank you again!!!)

Friday: Gabe's morning nap in the closet. Note the sunburn. := (

Saturday was pretty normal. Yoga for me, errands with the kids, Cafe Rio, cuddle time etc. Poor Brian wasn't feeling well, so he missed his opportunity to go skiing. There was no soccer because of spring break, but I forgot, so Lucy spent quality time in her soccer uniform anyway.

Saturday: Cuddle time. This is what I came home to after yoga. : )

Mixed in with these outings, Lucy had more good times with friends. She can not get enough time with friends. When one friend leaves or she comes home, she instantly requests more time with someone else. Girl, boy, younger, older, she couldn't care less. (I like that. It makes me happy.) Here's a picture from last month of a playdate she had with the boy she has decided to marry, Davis.

Good taste, right?

Easter Sunday: After riding for a second, Gabe tucks his head to the side for a bit until his auntie guesses what he wants. A trick he learned from his sister?

03.27.2010 -- Happy Little Dude

My sister told me I needed to record Gabe saying "happy," and I did.

Lucy had her first soccer game of the "season" this morning. Season is in quotes like that because it's so short. She really likes soccer, and has made progress: last Fall she started out as the token shy, frightened girl on the team. Today she didn't hesitate. She even scored a goal (in the wrong net)! Ah memories. I did that once. (I was a teensy bit older than 4.)

03.19.2010 --

03.11.2010 -- Happy, Floorplan

Gabe is not a big talker. He communicates effectively using props and a few essential words. For example, one of our low drawers is filled with unbreakables like cups and tupperware. When Gabe wants a drink, he gets a cup from the drawer and puts it in my hands, then looks at me imploringly and says, "Na?" "Na" means drink.

He is getting better at saying "sister." "Hi" and "Daddy" are his best words. "Mommy" comes out of his mouth less often but is very clear as well. Other words he uses include "up" and "doggy." Today, Gabe added to his repertoire: His new word? "Happy." He says it very distinctly. So fitting for our smiling boy.

This is a house. (Floorplan.)

03.01.2010 -- Teeth

Lucy's second visit to the dentist went as well as the first. The difference? Gabe helped himself to a toothbrush from a bottom-shelf basket while I wasn't looking, and X-rays. Not exactly sure why the x-rays were necessary, (maybe the dentist was short for his mortgage this month) but I like the pictures. See the new teeth coming up? I can't believe that Lucy is knocking on the door of the gigantic, awkward teeth of a grade-schooler.

02.27.2010 -- Passionfruit, Lovefruit

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves,
who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous,
talented,
and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We are born to make manifest the glory of God
that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others."

The above speech by Nelson Mandela was originally written by Marianne Williamson who is the author of other similar material.

This blog entry is written in the spirit of the quote above. I try to avoid writing a lot about this kind of thing, but I'm embracing it today:

A long time ago in high school, I wrote a lot of notes. There was one class in particular where a lot of notes were written. I got a terrible grade in that class. The teacher made it clear from the beginning that he didn't care if people paid attention or not. "But," he said. "I don't want you to talk in class. Write notes." A friend and I took this direction to heart and spent a lot of our time ignoring the teacher, passing notes back and forth. There is one thing from our note-passing that has stuck with me for 14 years: the difference between Love and Passion. My friend argued that Love was better, I argued for Passion. He was a lot more mature than I was.

*Before I go further, let me state right out that "I don't know jack" about philosophy. All these ideas are home grown.*

I've been thinking about this lately because one of my dearest friends is enduring the first month of a divorce. It happened unbelievably fast. She was the initiator. She is on a roller coaster of emotion and she's trying to figure out what's most important to her going forward. We've been talking about what goes into a relationship: There is love. With love comes friendship, respect, patience, and peace. There is passion. With passion comes excitement, powerful emotion and yearning.

Love and passion don't have to be mutually exclusive. One would hope that they're not. But in some relationships, they are. Before I understood what I understand now, I was in love with the idea of passion. I argued that Passion is responsible for much of what happens in the world. Art, Music, heroism. My argument wasn't very deep, but I was sincere.

To my more-experienced heart and head, Love is much, much more. (Understate much?)

It's hard for me not to get drawn into big events or ideas that I find myself close to. When I read a well-written, well-conceived book, I'm engrossed. I find myself thinking in terms of the book for a while. When someone close to me is impacted so strongly by an event, like divorce, I find myself thinking in terms of the event for a while. So this divorce, this considering of relationships (specifically and in general) with my sweet, beautiful friend--it has me remembering what led up to me getting married and how Brian and I have grown together.

I remember high school--friends, boyfriends and late nights. I had a lot of fun in high school. I remember college--independence, adventures, friends, boyfriends and late nights. I had more fun in college. There are people I will never forget. People I will always love. People I've met since college who have influenced my life.

But.

I don't think I've ever loved and appreciated my husband as much as I do these days. I love him dearly. He is much more to me than others who have space in my heart. I feel so incredibly lucky to be with him and to parent children with him. He's a good man who understands Love.

Remember the quote at the top? I said that this post would be in the spirit of that quote. I sometimes feel very self-conscious talking about what's going right in my life. I find myself thinking, who am I to be happy and satisfied when there are people in the world who seem to be unhappy and dissatisfied? But "[our] playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you....We are all meant to shine." I think this is true.

02.18.2010 -- Lucky

Lucky or.... not lucky today?

Some people have a very narrow view of luck. Events that bring less work or pain into a situation, they call lucky.

Isn't it true, though, that the most difficult times--the most painful--they can really bless us the most?

Don't get me wrong. I appreciate my ease and abundance. I just can't forget what has come to me through heartache and torment. I wouldn't want to change those things or give them back.

02.17.2010 -- What's New Pussycat?

What I get when I try to keep Gabe awake by sitting him on the rug to watch me while I vacuum.

When people ask me what's new in my life, I don't know what to say.

Is there nothing new in my life?

Well, it's all relative, I guess: How recent does a change have to be to be considered new? How big an alteration in routine is considered a change? I have a hard time avoiding a mental rehearsal of these questions when I find myself trying to answer this question. (Even though I am aware that 99% of askers don't really care what I answer.)

Honestly, I feel like my life is stalled right now. Like my car metaphor? I am going to go ahead and call it apt for this reason: I don't know much about cars. Wouldn't know much at all about getting a car to stop stalling.

I started feeling this way around the end of the calendar year. Didn't help things that I was sicker than I've been in a while. (Ever? Wait--no. Not sicker than I've been ever.) I'm pretty much back to normal, which is still pretty much flailing around while continuing to hit a (surprising) number of benchmarks.

These days, most of my energy is going to decisions. Not decisions that need to be made in two minutes. Long, drawn-out, tortuously-delayed decisions. Here is an incomplete and randomly ordered list of my concerns:

• Lucy turning five 11 days before the kindergarten cut-off. She is not exceptionally driven to spend much time writing or coloring. She knows most of her capital letters and very few in the lower-case. Socially, she's sort of good to go, but it's still not all that unusual for her to throw a fit. Her motor skills are average or below average for her age, from what I think I've observed. (They probably haven't been helped by her two shunt operations.) I just don't know if I want to slip her into school knowing that she'll be playing catch-up for four years. (Yes, I've done my homework. Third grade is where it tends to even out.) I know that September is a long way off and that Lucy will do fine whatever we decide. I just can't stop weighing these factors. I think I've made a decision (Brian has said that he will go with my decision), but I will still be officially undeclared until late summer.
  

• Next: Gabe still sleeps in our bed. Gasp! Horror! One part of me is very comfortable with this. One part of me is ashamed (that I am too big a wimp to get him to sleep in his own crib.) My description of this 'problem' could get a lot more involved, but in the end, it's not that complicated.
  

• Mmmmn hmm. Neeext: Brian has found a good deal for a time share on a Lake Powell houseboat. He thinks it can't last, what with the boat show whetting Utahns' appetite for reservoirs and petroleum-based recreation, and all.
  

• Last on this list: I still have lots of house projects that I need to "finish." Lots. Inside and out. I need to prioritize.

When confronted with this seriousness, I am easily drawn to reading fiction or "researching" random things on the web. Books I've read lately include: The Elegance of the Hedgehog, These is my Words, The Undaunted, The Help, and some truly obscure non-fiction genealogical texts on my own personal relatives. Reading is a guilty pleasure for me, so I try to keep it to a minimum. I am happier when I use my time keeping household entropy at bay, parenting the kids or recharging myself by "getting out."

What's new?



*Lucy made our family dinner last night. Open-faced broiled cold-cut and cheese sandwiches. Her idea. Everyone enjoyed them. It's pretty amusing to watch her tote Gabe around because she's not much bigger than he is, but they like it. Lucy is now in Kinder II gymnastics classes. She's working on cartwheels--seems to be internalizing the idea that practice will help her improve! She's got a major crush on her gymnastics teacher, Ryun, and is "in love" with a boy named Davis in her preschool class. The girl loves to play with friends, and is the "pinkest tomboy" our friend Sarah has ever met.
*Gabe and I just signed up for a mommy and me class at Lucy's gym. We've been twice. First time was good. Second time was better...and worse. Gabe didn't wander so much, but kept toddling off toward the other end of the gym to watch his sister. That seems contradictory, but it's not. :) Gabe is eager to play where the big kids play and makes funny sputtering noises (with his mouth) when he's exerting himself hard. He's strong, brave and enthusiastic.


*Brian has taken up basketball again. He plays some at night and on Saturday mornings. We've been to a few of his Saturday games: Surprisingly fun, although a bit long for the kids' attention spans. Brian hasn't done a lot of skiing this winter, but has gotten himself involved with rehabilitating a ski cat with friends.
-My yoga practice has all but disappeared. I plan to find it again on Saturday. In the meantime, I have a small track-record of showing up to get myself 'trained' to a pulp once a week. It only takes me 4-5 days to recover. A good bit of my free time is spent working on projects for church. (I am (capital) Primary (capital) Secretary. This means that I do lots of secretarial-type stuff for the primary program, which includes all kids in the congregation between the ages of 3 and 11: around 100 in all.) Good stuff.

I guess that's what's new.

01.26.2010 -- Poeme

il y avait un jour
quand le future
était vague et nuaguex
peut-etre meme dangereux
et il ne me faisait rien

maintenant
le future est le lieu
ou mes enfants grandissent
et çela fait tout la différence

etre mére, maman
c'est une promotion
impossible

je n'ai qu'une seule contrepoids:
mon coeur
transformé
devenu tout-puissant
féroce
et tout-capable
avec la connaissance
de ces enfants

ces enfants de moi


(Je me compte bénie car j'ai des amis qui me démandent a écrire. Merci et voila!)

01.25.2010 -- Nothing to Post

Ah, me.

I have nothing to post really.

Just a few snippets:

When I'm occupied lately--cooking dinner, for example, or working on a project--Gabe occupies himself by emptying drawers and cupboards, occasionally playing with 'toys.' After a while, he likes to get my attention by shoving himself at my legs. Once he's in my arms, he kisses me several times and grins at me.

Lucy loved her daddy's idea of taking a walk tonight in the big stroller. They put two sleeping bags in the stroller then Lucy and Gabe cocooned for the walk in the cold and dark. Unfortunately, Gabe hated it. They came home shortly (hate to say it, but I had a feeling they wouldn't get far), then went for a ride in the car.

Lucy wanted to sleep in the sleeping bag, so we just set it on her bed. The thought of her snuggled up in that bag right now just makes ME grin.