This year at our post Christmas reunion, we were missing some people we love, but we also got to have Kate join us for the first time! Such fun!
Thursday, January 10, 2013
12.27.2012 -- Happiness!
This year at our post Christmas reunion, we were missing some people we love, but we also got to have Kate join us for the first time! Such fun!
01.10.2013 -- Recovery
I'm now married to a 40 year old! He's great and kind and funny and fabulous and... you get the idea. For his birthday, I threw together a surprise party at the last second. It never would've happened without help from our buddy, Ken. Ken and I got Brian to the Flowrider in Provo on the night of his birthday before he suspected a thing. We rented the Flowrider for an hour, then went to dinner, all with a bunch of people we love. We had so much fun! (If I forgot to invite you, please forgive me--if you couldn't make it, we missed you!)
After Christmas vacation and Brian's birthday, I was scrambling to get caught up on the house, the laundry and putting Christmas away. This despite a LOT of help from Brian. ...I had my hands full with Charlie, who is not an easy teether. Charlie's comfort objects are attached to me, so he wants to be held all the time. His temperament is interesting. Very different from Lucy and Gabe. The longer Charlie goes without the comfort and attention that he wants, the longer he is upset, even while getting what he wants. Last night it took us an hour to work out getting a drink of water and getting back to bed. It turned out that Charlie wanted the light turned on, wanted a specific cup (Snoopy), and he needed about 20 minutes of support until he calmed down enough for him to get over the fact that I didn't turn the light on in the first place. By the time I got him back into bed, he had at least stopped screaming and crying, but I spent another 20 minutes holding books up for him in the moonlight while he closed his eyes. This at 2 in the morning.
Did I mention that he has the flu?
Lucy just went back to school today after taking 6 days off to go through the flu. The kids and I have been hermits for the past week. It has actually been nice. Because they've been sick, they have watched way too much television and I have been getting a lot done. I'm caught up on laundry and housework. Christmas is all put away. I'm even taking a minute to blog.
Even though it's been rough dealing with the flu, it has actually been great having Lucy home and not having to shuttle everybody to lessons. I find myself feeling grateful for the recovery time. In my experience, the value in having even a somewhat orderly home is hard to overestimate.
This is NOT what we looked like.
Lots more of these kinds of moves. (Especially me.)
To be honest, though, this experience with the flowrider was pretty good, considering the last time we went (Brian's 35th?), I never even stood up. I didn't get to the point where I was relaxed on the board, but at least I could stand up on my own! Maybe in 5 years, on our third try, I will be shredding.
After Christmas vacation and Brian's birthday, I was scrambling to get caught up on the house, the laundry and putting Christmas away. This despite a LOT of help from Brian. ...I had my hands full with Charlie, who is not an easy teether. Charlie's comfort objects are attached to me, so he wants to be held all the time. His temperament is interesting. Very different from Lucy and Gabe. The longer Charlie goes without the comfort and attention that he wants, the longer he is upset, even while getting what he wants. Last night it took us an hour to work out getting a drink of water and getting back to bed. It turned out that Charlie wanted the light turned on, wanted a specific cup (Snoopy), and he needed about 20 minutes of support until he calmed down enough for him to get over the fact that I didn't turn the light on in the first place. By the time I got him back into bed, he had at least stopped screaming and crying, but I spent another 20 minutes holding books up for him in the moonlight while he closed his eyes. This at 2 in the morning.Did I mention that he has the flu?
Lucy just went back to school today after taking 6 days off to go through the flu. The kids and I have been hermits for the past week. It has actually been nice. Because they've been sick, they have watched way too much television and I have been getting a lot done. I'm caught up on laundry and housework. Christmas is all put away. I'm even taking a minute to blog.
Even though it's been rough dealing with the flu, it has actually been great having Lucy home and not having to shuttle everybody to lessons. I find myself feeling grateful for the recovery time. In my experience, the value in having even a somewhat orderly home is hard to overestimate.
Recovery by New Buffalo
(This is the song only, no cool video.)
Sunday, December 30, 2012
12.30.2012 -- Not in love, Blogger!
I am not in love with the changes to Blogger that don't retain the original post composition date/order. The change has made my effort to get unfinished posts done messy and confusing.
Here's the story. I start lots more posts than I publish. There are a lot posted today that are now completely out of order. What a pain! But! I have a funny little anecdote to ease our pain:
Here's the story. I start lots more posts than I publish. There are a lot posted today that are now completely out of order. What a pain! But! I have a funny little anecdote to ease our pain:
Lucy came home from school this past week saying that
a boy had "a major crush" on her. This made me a little
uncomfortable... I tried to reroute her storytelling into
"this boy did something funny," not absolute certainty
that he was smitten by her irresistable charms...
"But Mom," she said, "You didn't hear how he said it!"
"He was combing through my hair with his fingers and he said, 'You're beaaaauuutiful.'"
For the record, this is how irresistably beautiful Lucy's hair was that day.
Once upon a time...
Once upon a time, there was a world where nothing unfair ever happened.
No one ever died young.
No one ever suffered from mental illness.
No one had to go through the pain of being left alone.
Everyone had friends: 31 good friends, 80 casual friends, and 800 likeable and supportive acquaintances.
Whenever someone intended to write or get in touch with friends or family, the thought converted automatically into action. It never failed. There was no such thing as "I meant to call you on your birthday." No. Meaning to do something was doing it. Good intentions were immediately realized, around the clock.
This was fortunate.
It would've been so tragic have a loved one fade away under the haze of mental illness, addiction or estrangement. Just terrible to lose chances to stay connected with a loved one just because some poor soul failed to make good on their intentions.
No one ever died young.
No one ever suffered from mental illness.
No one had to go through the pain of being left alone.
Everyone had friends: 31 good friends, 80 casual friends, and 800 likeable and supportive acquaintances.
Whenever someone intended to write or get in touch with friends or family, the thought converted automatically into action. It never failed. There was no such thing as "I meant to call you on your birthday." No. Meaning to do something was doing it. Good intentions were immediately realized, around the clock.
This was fortunate.
It would've been so tragic have a loved one fade away under the haze of mental illness, addiction or estrangement. Just terrible to lose chances to stay connected with a loved one just because some poor soul failed to make good on their intentions.
09.20.2012 -- Man Down
My cousin died this week.
That sounds so simple. As if I only had one cousin. As if it's so clear and neat. I have more first cousins than I deserve, and I know and love them all.
Oh, Cousin. It's easy to feel cheated when I think of the boy you were--the young man you were. And then something in your brain changed...changed you. Made it seem so hard to communicate with you. I never asked you how it was to deal with your illness. I thought I was being respectful, but now I'm just left with questions and regret.
Have you ever googled schizophrenia? There are videos put together to simulate the experience.
They're scary. I can't imagine living in a world where voices followed me everywhere. When I saw those videos, short horror films to me, I felt a little differently. I don't know a lot about my cousin's experience, but I do know that the "medicine" proscribed to him was no simple solution. There are as many ways to treat mental illness as there are to deal with an oil spill. None of them simple.
I wish I knew more. I never wanted to ask about any of this because I didn't want to pry. I didn't want to call any attention to how different he was--from us and from himself.
I wish I had asked.
I wish I hadn't tried so hard to pretend that he wasn't sick.
I wish I'd had the strength to just love him fully and closely and openly and without fear.
Should he have lived much longer? Maybe. Maybe it's a selfish thought: What? He should have lived longer so I don't feel guilty about not getting in touch enough? Maybe he is happy now. Maybe he has some relief.
I miss you, Cousin. I've been missing you for years. I miss the boy who I thought was supposed to grow into a happy, healthy man, start a creative career, get married to a sweet, funny, affectionate, beauty and have a couple of towheaded kids.
How can you have slipped away like that? Weren't we holding you tightly enough? Was there anything we could've done that we didn't do?
That sounds so simple. As if I only had one cousin. As if it's so clear and neat. I have more first cousins than I deserve, and I know and love them all.
Oh, Cousin. It's easy to feel cheated when I think of the boy you were--the young man you were. And then something in your brain changed...changed you. Made it seem so hard to communicate with you. I never asked you how it was to deal with your illness. I thought I was being respectful, but now I'm just left with questions and regret.
Have you ever googled schizophrenia? There are videos put together to simulate the experience.
They're scary. I can't imagine living in a world where voices followed me everywhere. When I saw those videos, short horror films to me, I felt a little differently. I don't know a lot about my cousin's experience, but I do know that the "medicine" proscribed to him was no simple solution. There are as many ways to treat mental illness as there are to deal with an oil spill. None of them simple.
I wish I knew more. I never wanted to ask about any of this because I didn't want to pry. I didn't want to call any attention to how different he was--from us and from himself.
I wish I had asked.
I wish I hadn't tried so hard to pretend that he wasn't sick.
I wish I'd had the strength to just love him fully and closely and openly and without fear.
Should he have lived much longer? Maybe. Maybe it's a selfish thought: What? He should have lived longer so I don't feel guilty about not getting in touch enough? Maybe he is happy now. Maybe he has some relief.
I miss you, Cousin. I've been missing you for years. I miss the boy who I thought was supposed to grow into a happy, healthy man, start a creative career, get married to a sweet, funny, affectionate, beauty and have a couple of towheaded kids.
How can you have slipped away like that? Weren't we holding you tightly enough? Was there anything we could've done that we didn't do?
09.21.2012 -- Discomfort.
There are a lot of things that don't typically make me feel uncomfortable. Running. Dancing with my kids. Wrestling with my kids. Speaking mediocre French. Cooking without a recipe. Being seen in less-than-flattering clothing.
And there are things that do make me uncomfortable. Singing in front of people who don't share half of my DNA. Buying *cough* condoms. Wearing leggings. Showing my stomach. Participating in gossip. Discussing co-sleeping with non-co-sleepers. Discussing politics.
The biggest problem for me in discussing politics is that I don't feel like I know enough. In fact, I can't imagine EVER feeling like I know enough. To me, the world of politics is so shady that it would be impossible to ever get to the bottom of it all. That's a little sad to me.
To me, someone who takes on the world of politics would have to be a monster or an angel. Not a literal monster or angel, just either a power-hungry megalomaniac or someone so selfless that they would sacrifice their privacy to the media and the public for the sake of their country. However, I just said that, to me, the world of politics is far from black and white, so I'm talking about shades of monstrosity and shades of purity.
My point is, I have a hard time putting myself in the place of a politician. I know from reading the news that the world of politics has got a lot of layers, some of them disquieting, to say the least. I also know that it's my responsibility as a citizen of a republic to try to navigate the mess to participate in the process.
Many people I know aren't shy about saying who they want to vote for and who they think everyone else should vote for. I have seen a lot of arguments that equate a vote for Romney as a vote against low-income americans, or a vote against gay americans.
If I vote for Barack Obama, does that mean I'm voting against Capitalism--for Communism? If I vote for Obama, am I anti-Christian?
I'm not sure why people are so vocal about this. I can't imagine someone's rant changing my mind or changing my vote. The way I see it is the way I see it. I guess that's why I so dislike seeing political postings on the internet that are so extreme. You know the posts I mean... Mitt Romney hates poor black people and wants to ship all poor black gay people to Canada, so everyone should hate him. Or this: Barack Obama has missed all of his defense meetings because he's out partying with his Hollywood peeps or playing basketball with his Muslim brothas.
Come on. Can we approach this like grown ups?
We have two imperfect candidates, each with a different skill set. Which skill set would better address the challenges we have as a nation? I find myself afraid of getting into a political discussion because some people seem unable to get past the surface labels. I don't want to be labeled, but I have a right and even a responsibility to assess political candidates the best I can. I'm not sure where posting extreme things on Facebook helps this.
I don't feel like I can say that I will probably vote for Mitt Romney because I have seen people equate votes for Mitt Romney as hate, intolerance, disinterest in the poor, and disregard for the needs of the environment.
I want to vote for Mitt Romney. I'm not voting against gay people. I'm not voting because I think we should pave over all the wild places after we suck oil out of them to fill up every HumVee in the US.
I was in Utah when he turned the 2002 Olympics around. His leadership took a floundering, disgraced institution and restored its honor. I don't think I'm overstating that. Of course, I never worked with Mitt Romney, but I did come into contact with people who did. Their comments about him were overwhelmingly positive.
As a Mormon, I find people's comments about Romney's disingenuousness to be disturbing and closed minded. I have come across the same accusation from non-Mormons when they visit Utah and it astonishes me. What's disingenuous about him? Is it cheerfulness? Wholesomeness?
I am around wholesome, cheerful, positive people every day. They have a lot to offer the world. They offer self-mastery, integrity, a good work ethic, a service-oriented mindset and wisdom that you may not be able to get from your favorite fantasy bowling partner. I personally want a president who is special, someone who has crafted an extraordinary life and can lead our country back to a solid foundation.
To a lot of people, that extraordinary leader is President Barack Obama. Other people think Mitt Romney could do even more good than Obama in that office. Do we really need to resort to name calling?
And there are things that do make me uncomfortable. Singing in front of people who don't share half of my DNA. Buying *cough* condoms. Wearing leggings. Showing my stomach. Participating in gossip. Discussing co-sleeping with non-co-sleepers. Discussing politics.
The biggest problem for me in discussing politics is that I don't feel like I know enough. In fact, I can't imagine EVER feeling like I know enough. To me, the world of politics is so shady that it would be impossible to ever get to the bottom of it all. That's a little sad to me.
To me, someone who takes on the world of politics would have to be a monster or an angel. Not a literal monster or angel, just either a power-hungry megalomaniac or someone so selfless that they would sacrifice their privacy to the media and the public for the sake of their country. However, I just said that, to me, the world of politics is far from black and white, so I'm talking about shades of monstrosity and shades of purity.
My point is, I have a hard time putting myself in the place of a politician. I know from reading the news that the world of politics has got a lot of layers, some of them disquieting, to say the least. I also know that it's my responsibility as a citizen of a republic to try to navigate the mess to participate in the process.
Many people I know aren't shy about saying who they want to vote for and who they think everyone else should vote for. I have seen a lot of arguments that equate a vote for Romney as a vote against low-income americans, or a vote against gay americans.
If I vote for Barack Obama, does that mean I'm voting against Capitalism--for Communism? If I vote for Obama, am I anti-Christian?
I'm not sure why people are so vocal about this. I can't imagine someone's rant changing my mind or changing my vote. The way I see it is the way I see it. I guess that's why I so dislike seeing political postings on the internet that are so extreme. You know the posts I mean... Mitt Romney hates poor black people and wants to ship all poor black gay people to Canada, so everyone should hate him. Or this: Barack Obama has missed all of his defense meetings because he's out partying with his Hollywood peeps or playing basketball with his Muslim brothas.
Come on. Can we approach this like grown ups?
We have two imperfect candidates, each with a different skill set. Which skill set would better address the challenges we have as a nation? I find myself afraid of getting into a political discussion because some people seem unable to get past the surface labels. I don't want to be labeled, but I have a right and even a responsibility to assess political candidates the best I can. I'm not sure where posting extreme things on Facebook helps this.
I don't feel like I can say that I will probably vote for Mitt Romney because I have seen people equate votes for Mitt Romney as hate, intolerance, disinterest in the poor, and disregard for the needs of the environment.
I want to vote for Mitt Romney. I'm not voting against gay people. I'm not voting because I think we should pave over all the wild places after we suck oil out of them to fill up every HumVee in the US.
I was in Utah when he turned the 2002 Olympics around. His leadership took a floundering, disgraced institution and restored its honor. I don't think I'm overstating that. Of course, I never worked with Mitt Romney, but I did come into contact with people who did. Their comments about him were overwhelmingly positive.
As a Mormon, I find people's comments about Romney's disingenuousness to be disturbing and closed minded. I have come across the same accusation from non-Mormons when they visit Utah and it astonishes me. What's disingenuous about him? Is it cheerfulness? Wholesomeness?
I am around wholesome, cheerful, positive people every day. They have a lot to offer the world. They offer self-mastery, integrity, a good work ethic, a service-oriented mindset and wisdom that you may not be able to get from your favorite fantasy bowling partner. I personally want a president who is special, someone who has crafted an extraordinary life and can lead our country back to a solid foundation.
To a lot of people, that extraordinary leader is President Barack Obama. Other people think Mitt Romney could do even more good than Obama in that office. Do we really need to resort to name calling?
Awesome. The new not awesome
"You're so gorgeous. I want your skin!"
"Love that color on you. You have such great taste!"
"You have lovely hands!"
"You have a uniquely beautiful voice. You should sing more often!"
If you were to listen to the things I say to friends, you might think I have a thing for them.
This is not the case. I just *don't think I should necessarily not deliver a compliment just because it makes me sound strange. I just believe in appreciation.
*The double negative is the new awesome.
"Love that color on you. You have such great taste!"
"You have lovely hands!"
"You have a uniquely beautiful voice. You should sing more often!"
If you were to listen to the things I say to friends, you might think I have a thing for them.
This is not the case. I just *don't think I should necessarily not deliver a compliment just because it makes me sound strange. I just believe in appreciation.
*The double negative is the new awesome.
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