10.27.2011 -- A Real Woman

A few months ago, when I had noticeably dropped baby weight, Lucy looked at me and asked me to suck in my tummy. I did and she looked at me approvingly. "Yeah," she said. "Now you look like a real woman!"

If I were a real woman, my neighbors would never drop by and find breakfast still in the kitchen at 3 o'clock. My home would be spotless, dishes in the dishwasher or the cupboard, food in the fridge or the cupboard, not mouldering on the counter.

If I were a real woman, I would view my entire closet as wearable--not shun specific items because they show off my muffin top. Tee shirts would not be a viable option unless they were cute and girlie. I would be perpetually fresh and pink...like a rose.

If I were a real woman, I would have clean windows all of the time, dog and small children notwithstanding. I would never raise my voice and my poor, lucky husband would be at my beck and call...totally whipped and powerless before my whims.

At least some of the time I can make myself look like a real woman!

Maybe a "real woman" could have gotten her two-year-old dressed before one p.m. today. Not me. I'm just an imposter with a kid who (apparently) has a very limited choice of clothes which are not "weird." We honestly had to wait for the wash to process his "My Dad Rocks!!" shirt. The previously acceptable "Monster Dunk (you better watch out!)" shirt is no longer acceptable.

I keep wondering if I should just clear out all of the clothes he says are "weird." It would leave him with about four shirts and four pair of pants. But then, I think... what if it just gets worse and he selects a subgroup of these clothes? I purposely don't have all of his favorites clean all of the time, because I want him to branch out. Maybe for some people this would fall into the "Pick Your Battles" section of Parenting 101. I don't know. He doesn't wear about 80% of his clothes, and 90% of his clothes are hand-me-downs. Of course, like anyone, he's more tractable when his mood isn't spoiled by being tired or hungry or cold or hot, so he does branch out. Just not very often.

What would a real woman do? Have him pick out 5 shirts and 5 pants and pack the rest away for Charlie?

Speaking of Charlie!
He has his third tooth coming through and the fourth is just behind it. He's walking now about as much as he is crawling when he's hanging out, but if he really needs to get somewhere, he crawls. Bedtime might be his favorite time of the day, because his siblings hold still long enough for him to maul them. We have been comparing Charlie to a zombie for a long time because he lurches toward faces and tries to eat them. He also eats toes. He likes bikes and wheels and shoes and the dishwasher. He still has a little Jack-Jack separation anxiety when I leave him, but (I think) it's getting better.

Lucy has a little piano romance going on. She thinks it's cool and will go "practice." I taught her the names of the keys and taught her basic fingering. She likes to play chords and do modified scales. She is still liking gymnastics a lot. She's getting ready right now for a fun meet in November, so is practicing her routines in class. I don't see her practicing a lot at home. Although Lucy goes to gymnastics twice a week, she identifies herself as a soccer player. Her team this year changed their name every game. One week they were the Smurfs, one week the Blue Bats...you get the idea. In the last game of fall, she scored a goal. When she tells the story, she just giggles and shrugs her shoulders and says "I was the only one there, so I kicked it in."

In the last few days, Gabe has had a flip switched. If pressed, I would describe it as an overactive, destructive, slightly violent switch....but hey. No one asked me. He is very interested in jumping on things and leaping onto things and leaping off of things and throwing things and tipping big things over. When I ask him to please be quiet, or calm down, he likes to say, "I don't have to!" Lots of fun! I do feel like I've got one thing on Gabe right now. He hates lotion or cream and although he has very dry skin that gets chapped and needs some kind of help, he will not let me put anything on him. I have taken to putting a little Aquaphor on my fingers and "wrestling" with Gabe. As I wrestle, I smoosh his cheeks and face with the Aquaphor. Pretty sneaky, huh?

Gabe jumping on a chair, dressed in his My Dad Rocks shirt.

It's nice when Lucy is home because Lucy and Gabe are playing well lately. Charlie likes to get in on the action, too. They are good at including him, unless they are riding bikes or scooters or if they are on the trampoline.

A friend described being a parent as 49% torture, 51% pure joy. The percentages can go all sorts of ways but I agree with her. Some things do seem like torture, but the pure joy parts of it make the torture fade back. :) I am happy to say that although some days include some torturous times, I am grateful for my family a million times over. It's hard to imagine life without them.

10.18.2011 -- Bosom Buddies

09.22.2011 -- Wisdom is as Wisdom Does

This picture was taken on the way home from Lake Powell.
We stopped here with friends to eat and to break up the drive. Good times.

Part of the nighttime routine in our house is reading to the kids. They love it, we love it. Everyone's happy.

One of the things I like about it most is the conversations that arise when we get to a word that the kids aren't familiar with. These past few nights, Lucy and I have talked about wisdom. After trying a couple of different approaches, I explained wisdom this way: being smart about how you act.

"For example," I said, "What if you had a friend and were walking to school, and your friend wanted to walk with someone who you didn't want to walk with, and YOU wanted to walk with someone SHE didn't want to walk with?" (To my knowledge, this scenario hasn't played out, but it's right in line with some of the problems that color Lucy's life as a first grader.)

"You could ask anyone what two plus two is, and they could tell you the right answer, but it takes wisdom to figure out how to act when things get tricky."

There have been a couple of things that I've been thinking about lately that might qualify as wisdom.

The first is: the wisdom of casseroles. You might laugh, but it became very clear to me a couple of nights ago when I had chicken burning on the grill, a baby who urgently wanted/needed to be held/changed/fed, a two-year-old who wanted to be read to, and a daughter who needed help with her homework. The kids needed attention, the chicken needed attention, the sauteeing and steaming vegetables needed attention, and I was also trying to get the house cleaned up by telling my kids what to do. You can imagine, maybe, the level of peaceful bliss in the house which enveloped my sweet husband when he walked in the door.

Now, If I'd had a casserole going, the veggies would've been happily nestled next to the chicken, in no danger of getting either burned or overcooked, and ready to serve in the next 5 minutes or the next two hours. It would've been either in the oven or on the table--either way, it wouldn't have mattered because it would have been hot but not burned--and my hands and attention would have been freed to manage everything else.

That was my aha moment. I literally thought, "So this is why casseroles are a staple for moms with small children!" You may be wondering why it took me so long to figure that out. And in response, well... I got nothin'.

My next bit of wisdom is even less impressive: Parks are good.

After Lucy got off to school this morning, I took the boys to a local park. While I watched them play (and played along with them), I started to reflect of the difference between myself as a mother of one, and myself as a mother of three. When Lucy was tiny, I took her on a lot of hikes and a lot of walks. I just loaded her into a frontpack or backpack and took off.

Aside from one memory of her pointing to an especially lovely vista and saying "beautiful day" when she seemed way too young, I'm not sure how she would describe those hikes, but for me, it was wonderful. Wonderful, at least, until it wasn't.

She eventually got tired of riding and wanted to participate more actively. At that point, I would head out to a trail full of hope that I would get some miles in, and Lucy would insist on walking herself. I went from being able to go several miles in a morning to going maybe fifty yards.

So this morning, I found myself enjoying the low expectations of the park and the resultant good vibes. Kids get enough carrot or stick motivation in life, a park is a genius way to let them play as hard or as quietly as they wish.

If you take a child on a hike, poor time management can bite you in the backside. I know, because I has happened to me. In a quest for more time on the trail, I have endured more than one trip down with an exhausted, unhappy child. Contrast that with a park where you go, you play. You play as hard as you want and if you misjudge what ought to be the middle of your session, no one suffers! Genius.

I will still take my kids hiking with me. But, for now, at least--we will be going to more parks than trails.



Tayler news: Charlie has taken a total of three steps so far while I've been watching. He is very competent climbing stairs, but hasn't learned to go down more than one safely. He would not calm down last night until I let him pound on the keyboard (of this computer). He still hasnt cut any teeth, which is pretty new to us. Love that boy.

Summer

We are home from our kids and Mom trip to New Hampshire. What a time. So much fun! So nice to be home with Brian.

A self portrait

Daring (and resigned) chicken with determined boy

Hey!

It was a really wonderful trip. I could write a book about it. It would be a very slow-paced book, but there is a market for slow paced books. (I know because I own some.) Highlights of the trip include:

Kids now swim like fish (Lucy without a lifejacket)
Made both blueberry cake and blueberry pie; shared with friends (family)
Outing to the Friendly Farm (with cousins!)
Mini Fair at Petiteborough
Lucy loves tubing (fast), Gabe likes tubing (sort of fast), Charlie likes riding in a boat
Lucy can kayak and canoe
Found 3 newts
Found 5 baby mice
Charlie started to crawl
Lucy lost another tooth
Gabe is now *really* potty trained, and can pee on trees
Ate ice cream at tea time at Toad Hall
Saw two frogs in the frog pond
Dinner and concert at Apple Hill
Sailing in Clown with Uncle Fred
Kids "drove" boats to hearts content
The thrill of fishing (check)

and...

drumroll!

...we are all still safe and sane!

Now to complete preparations for the school year. There is some arranging left to be done. We came home to a surprise: Brian had painted and assembled Lucy's room! Both Lucy and Gabe now have their own rooms. I just have to find everything a home (some things will be moving to D.I/Goodwill) and go through clothes so I know what we're working with, then, well... Never a dull moment!

Oh Yeah

Here's the guy I went to Lake Powell with this month--I think I'm in LOVE!
Did I mention that I've been married to him for 13 years?
Okay, I'll admit that I love him (a lot).

So lucky!

06.29.2011 -- Simple Life

These days, life around here is all about process. For example, it is about getting everyone and everything into the car without breakdowns or break-outs. It's about getting people fed or bathed. It's about learning not to freak out at the prospect of cleaning up a room. Any number of things can pose obstacles to these simple tasks: Poo, injuries, insults, hunger, thirst, distraction, clothing... all of these things can and do complicate life.

Every day, I wake up with a very simple mental list of things I would like to get done, and I work towards that. On my list are things like making beds, reading, doing dishes, making dinner, going to Lucy's Gymnastics class. All very ho hum. But don't let it fool you, it can be very exciting!

Today, Lucy pulled a WWF move on Gabe and (from what I gather) slammed his face into the kitchen counter. Why? Well, short story: She was defending herself. Long story: Gabe requested noodles for lunch. I made noodles for him and for Lucy. After I put the bowls of noodles on the counter and Lucy started to eat hers, Gabe became convinced that Lucy was eating his bowl of noodles and attacked her. He got an ugly goose egg between the eyes and very apologetic sister in return. She even got him a bag of ice. It took him about five minutes to get over it, then he ate his noodles happily beside Lucy.

So, although our lives are pretty simple right now, it doesn't mean things are always simple.

One of my biggest challenges right now is the interaction between Gabe and Lucy. Gabe is tricky. He is busy being independent and taking offense. Lucy has a tendency to set him off by saying or doing something innocently (most of the time it's innocent, anyway). Gabe refuses or protests what Lucy does or says or offers and, in his frustration hurts Lucy by hitting her, biting her, or pushing her. So, it's tricky because it's not her fault that Gabe hurts her, and yet she could prevent it a lot of times by listening to and respecting her 2 year old brother. What to do?

I try to tell Gabe that it's not nice to hit. I tell Lucy that she needs to work on listening to Gabe (he usually says "no" or "don't" before he hurts her), and respond to him like a five year-old, not like a two year-old. We often walk through scenarios after the dust is settled to find a better way to do things. This leaves me satisfied with the resolution most of the time, but won't be surprised if my methods leave them with some sort of scarring that I can't predict.

Something else that drives Gabe to violence (okay, I better re-word that...he just gets a little rough-n-tumble): other family members are too involved with something else (a game, a book, a discussion, a craft) to give him attention. He wants to wrestle or fight, not just watch someone else do something. His solution: get your attention by attacking.

This past week, we have been dealing with pink eye and potty training. When we quarantined ourselves for conjunctivitis, I figured we might as well have a potty party. To kick it off in style, I rented some superhero DVDs and showed them to Gabe. He had been avoiding the potty for a while, but dropped his pants and diaper gladly to watch Superman and Lightning Lad and Saturn Girl. (Lucy didn't complain either.) Gabe also pottied through The Incredibles and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

I am a little reluctant to actually type this out, but I think Gabe is actually potty trained. He has been taking himself to the bathroom for the past few days. There are still accidents, and sometimes he wants to wear a diaper instead of his new Spiderman Underpants, but there is a DEFINITE trend. *Note to self: do not underestimate the power of a toddler being able to choose his or her own bathroom accessories at the store. Gabe got new underwear and a new potty seat.

My greatest joys these days are as simple as my challenges. A little man making a beeline to the bathroom to get his own bum on a toilet, or his fierce hug and sincere "I wuv you, Mom." The light in Lucy's eyes when she finishes reading a book all by herself or how she confidently cares for her brothers. Connecting with the awesome person-in-miniature that is Charlie or just holding his perfect little body as he sleeps.

I.love.these.kids. Life is good.

05.11.2011 -- MotivIncentive

This costume is the carrot I am dangling in front of Gabe for potty training. We'll see if it works.