Sunday, May 5, 2013

05.05.2013 -- To a Screeching Halt

This blog has been around for around 5 years.  I'm not the world's most consistent writer, but I think that it's been rare that I've failed to post for an entire MONTH.  Maybe it's not just me, then.  Maybe I really am busy.

What if you and I were sitting together, having an intimate conversation...  and I said to you, "This soccer mom thing is not for the faint of heart."  Would you think less of me?  Would your suspicions be confirmed?  Would you avoid me in the future?

But really, what would I mean by saying that, anyway?  Context would help.  When this thought occurred to me, it was a very busy week.  Taxes, favors for friends, violin lessons, violin practicing, soccer practices, soccer games, gymnastics, preschool, doctor's appointments, mailing stuff, fulfilling commitments, homework enforcement, reading enforcement, laundry, food prep, etc.   And, I kept thinking to myself, I only have three kids!

We got through that week pretty well, and I was almost ready to declare myself a success.  But then, guess what? Charlie got the stomach flu.  He threw up for four days.  He had a zillion dirty diapers (I counted them).  And once Charlie stopped throwing up, Gabe got something that seemed like food poisoning, and then a day after we stopped worrying that Gabe might be sick, Lucy came down with a fever and chills.  (That was a run-on sentence because it was a run-on week of sickness.) Things slowed down very quickly.   Having to stay home and say "no" to almost everything was sort of nice, but also made us all stir-crazy.

We finally we're all better just in time for some really fantastic weather, so we've been enjoying being outside.  I decided to build up a little garden plot in an area that was just dead space before.  I based my attempt off of the idea of hugelkultur.  It's not the prettiest garden bed, but it was 100% free, so it has a sweet spirit.

I also decided to plant a rose bush.  The fact is:  I like roses.  I like the way they smell, and I like the way they look.  I know some people of impeccable standards and character who do not like roses because of their thorns.  Without roses, though.  We would not have this:


“The little prince went away, to look again at the roses.
"You're not at all like my rose," he said.
"As yet you are nothing. No one has tamed you, and you have tamed no one.
You're like my fox when I first knew him.
He was only a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes.
But I have made a friend, and now he's unique in all the world."
And the roses were very much embarrassed.
"You're beautiful, but you're empty," he went on. "One could not die for you.
To be sure, an ordinary passerby would think that my rose looked just like you
–the rose that belongs to me. But in herself alone she's more important
than all the hundreds of you other roses:
because it is she that I have watered;
because it is she that I have put under the glass globe;
because it is for her that I've killed the caterpillars
(except the two or three we saved to become butterflies);
because it is she that I have listened to, when she grumbled,
or boasted, or even sometimes when she said nothing.
Because she is MY rose.”
                                                                          ― Antoine de St. Exupery 



To my embarassment, I fell asleep in church today.  I would probably sleep better if I didn't have a two year-old who thinks it's funny to put his fingers up my nose.  Just sayin'.





Tuesday, March 26, 2013

03.26.2013 -- A Rough Patch and the Magic Circle

This past week has been an interesting one.  With most of us being sick and a cold snap that has made playing outside a no go, it has taxed our patience.  I was really hoping that yesterday would be the end of it, but it wasn't quite.

When Gabe woke up with a cough Tuesday morning, I had to take his requests to go to the "dentist" (doctor) more seriously.  He had a sore throat, he said, and wanted the dentist to help him to feel better.  I took him to the doctor, only to have the doc tell us that there was nothing that he could do to help with what he thought was adenovirus.

Not fun. It certainly could be lots worse, but it has been a lot of work this past week, trying to recover and trying to keep the kids rested and happy. 

Thursday, Lucy started to have headaches.  She called from school to say that it felt that like her shunt had broken and water was on her scalp.  It was pretty easy to get someone to look at her head to see if everything was still intact.  It was.  She asked a ground duty to look at it for her.  I asked if she had known that Lucy had a shunt.  Lucy said, "No. She thought it was a goose egg!"  She almost giggled when she told me that part after school. She called again a little later from school to say that she had a headache.  They came and went.  I chalked it up to the beginning of the adenovirus that we have been sharing around.

This whole adventure with hydrocephalus is slowly morphing into a scene where Lucy is becoming a central figure with a voice.  It's a nice change.  When she was a baby, we were just guessing at what she felt.

When the importance of Lucy's own recollection of her symptoms became obvious to me, I went to our stack of notebooks (okay, so "stack" might be too "neat" of a word to describe our stash of coloring books, activity books and notebooks) and pulled out a small notebook that still had some pages left relatively untouched.  I gave it to Lucy, strapped on her watch, and explained how she could keep track of her headaches and stomachaches so we could give more information to Dr. Walker.  There was no ceremony, but it did feel a little like a rite of passage.

With a lot of support from an especially savvy health care consultant (my sister-in-law),  I got on the phone and got an appointment with Lucy's neurosurgeon for today.  It was easy, but I did get lost on hold for 15 minutes.  I just needed a little encouragement.

Anyone who has been to camp as a kid has probably seen the trust-building exercise where a big group crowds together facing the same direction in a circle.  Then, of course, they've got to get very close or it won't work.  If the group gets close enough that each person is effectively sandwiched between the persons in front and behind him or her, standing with the same shoulder inside, everyone can sit at the same time.  It's a self-supporting circle.  Everyone has a seat, but there's no beginning and no end.

It takes commitment and a little bit of balance, but it works well every time, provided that the circle is big and close enough.

Yesterday, a friend of mine texted me and sneeked (YES sneeked!) it out of me that I was going through a rough patch.  I was physically, mentally, and emotionally drained.  It was nothing I haven't felt before.  I and our family would have survived without intervention.  Still, it was so nice when she brought over her magical cough syrup  and dinner.


When I got a chance to help out my niece yesterday afternoon, it improved my day just as much.  I went from feeling tired and stuck to energized and motivated.  Really and truly.  It was nothing big.  I just gave her a ride.  Anyone could've done it.  But it was something she couldn't do for herself.  It provided her a little bit of support and eased the way a little.

I think this is the way the world is meant to work.  When we all do just a small something for somebody else, it's possible for all of us to get a little extra support.  A lot of times, that little extra that we do for somebody else makes a big difference for both parties.  

**Update:  Brian took Lucy to get a CAT scan and  shunt series today while I stayed at home with the boys.  Charlie woke up with a fever and was pretty miserable.  When given the choice, Lucy asked Brian to take her--she's such a daddy's girl!  Dr. Walker adjusted the setting on her valve to 110 from 100,  making the shunt drain more slowly.  We hope that this will make a difference for Lucy along with some time lying flat on her back after school to give her a break from all of the activity of school.  We will give it three months and re-evaluate.                                


Friday, March 8, 2013

03.08.2013 -- In a Nutshell


Charlie almost always has something on his face these days.

                         LBB (Lucy before braces.)                                      LAB



Gabe and one of his cute girl friends.


With Grandma's bird, "Blue."


Waiting for Lucy's first recital to start.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

12.27.2012 -- Happiness!



This year at our post Christmas reunion, we were missing some people we love, but we also got to have Kate join us for the first time!  Such fun!

01.10.2013 -- Recovery

I'm now married to a 40 year old!  He's great and kind and funny and fabulous and... you get the idea.  For his birthday, I threw together a surprise party at the last second.  It never would've happened without help from our buddy, Ken.   Ken and I got Brian to the Flowrider in Provo on the night of his birthday before he suspected a thing.  We rented the Flowrider for an hour, then went to dinner, all with a bunch of people we love.   We had so much fun!  (If I forgot to invite you, please forgive me--if you couldn't make it, we missed you!)


This is NOT what we looked like.


  
Lots more of these kinds of moves. (Especially me.)

To be honest, though, this experience with the flowrider was pretty good, considering the last time we went (Brian's 35th?), I never even stood up.  I didn't get to the point where I was relaxed on the board, but at least I could stand up on my own!  Maybe in 5 years, on our third try, I will be shredding.
After Christmas vacation and Brian's birthday, I was scrambling to get caught up on the house, the laundry and putting Christmas away.  This despite a LOT of help from Brian.  ...I had my hands full with Charlie, who is not an easy teether.  Charlie's comfort objects are attached to me, so he wants to be held all the time.  His temperament is interesting.  Very different from Lucy and Gabe.  The longer Charlie goes without the comfort and attention that he wants, the longer he is upset, even while getting what he wants.  Last night it took us an hour to work out getting a drink of water and getting back to bed.  It turned out that Charlie wanted the light turned on, wanted a specific cup (Snoopy), and he needed about 20 minutes of support until he calmed down enough for him to get over the fact that I didn't turn the light on in the first place.  By the time I got him back into bed, he had at least stopped screaming and crying, but I spent another 20 minutes holding books up for him in the moonlight while he closed his eyes.  This at 2 in the morning.

Did I mention that he has the flu?

Lucy just went back to school today after taking 6 days off to go through the flu.  The kids and I have been hermits for the past week.  It has actually been nice.  Because they've been sick, they have watched way too much television and I have been getting a lot done.  I'm caught up on laundry and housework.  Christmas is all put away.  I'm even taking a minute to blog.

Even though it's been rough dealing with the flu, it has actually been great having Lucy home and not having to shuttle everybody to lessons.  I find myself feeling grateful for the recovery time.  In my experience, the value in having even a somewhat orderly home is hard to overestimate.



Recovery by New Buffalo
(This is the song only, no cool video.)


Sunday, December 30, 2012

12.30.2012 -- Not in love, Blogger!

I am not in love with the changes to Blogger that don't retain the original post composition date/order.  The change has made my effort to get unfinished posts done messy and confusing.

Here's the story. I start lots more posts than I publish.  There are a lot posted today that are now completely out of order.  What a pain!  But!  I have a funny little anecdote to ease our pain:



Lucy came home from school this past week saying that 
a boy had "a major crush" on her.  This made me a little 
uncomfortable... I tried to reroute her storytelling into 
"this boy did something funny," not absolute certainty 
that he was smitten by her irresistable charms...  

"But Mom," she said, "You didn't hear how he said it!"  

"He was combing through my hair with his fingers and he said, 'You're beaaaauuutiful.'"



For the record, this is how irresistably beautiful Lucy's hair was that day.


Once upon a time...

Once upon a time, there was a world where nothing unfair ever happened.

No one ever died young.

No one ever suffered from mental illness.

No one had to go through the pain of being left alone.

Everyone had friends: 31 good friends, 80 casual friends, and 800 likeable and supportive acquaintances.

Whenever someone intended to write or get in touch with friends or family, the thought converted automatically into action.  It never failed.  There was no such thing as "I meant to call you on your birthday."  No.  Meaning to do something was doing it.  Good intentions were immediately realized, around the clock.

This was fortunate.

It would've been so tragic have a loved one fade away under the haze of mental illness, addiction or estrangement.  Just terrible to lose chances to stay connected with a loved one just because some poor soul failed to make good on their intentions.