Saturday, February 27, 2010

02.27.2010 -- Passionfruit, Lovefruit


"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves,
who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous,
talented,
and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We are born to make manifest the glory of God
that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others."

The above speech by Nelson Mandela was originally written by Marianne Williamson who is the author of other similar material.


This blog entry is written in the spirit of the quote above. I try to avoid writing a lot about this kind of thing, but I'm embracing it today:

A long time ago in high school, I wrote a lot of notes. There was one class in particular where a lot of notes were written. I got a terrible grade in that class. The teacher made it clear from the beginning that he didn't care if people paid attention or not. "But," he said. "I don't want you to talk in class. Write notes." A friend and I took this direction to heart and spent a lot of our time ignoring the teacher, passing notes back and forth. There is one thing from our note-passing that has stuck with me for 14 years: the difference between Love and Passion. My friend argued that Love was better, I argued for Passion. He was a lot more mature than I was.

*Before I go further, let me state right out that "I don't know jack" about philosophy. All these ideas are home grown.*

I've been thinking about this lately because one of my dearest friends is enduring the first month of a divorce. It happened unbelievably fast. She was the initiator. She is on a roller coaster of emotion and she's trying to figure out what's most important to her going forward. We've been talking about what goes into a relationship: There is love. With love comes friendship, respect, patience, and peace. There is passion. With passion comes excitement, powerful emotion and yearning.

Love and passion don't have to be mutually exclusive. One would hope that they're not. But in some relationships, they are. Before I understood what I understand now, I was in love with the idea of passion. I argued that Passion is responsible for much of what happens in the world. Art, Music, heroism. My argument wasn't very deep, but I was sincere.

To my more-experienced heart and head, Love is much, much more. (Understate much?)

It's hard for me not to get drawn into big events or ideas that I find myself close to. When I read a well-written, well-conceived book, I'm engrossed. I find myself thinking in terms of the book for a while. When someone close to me is impacted so strongly by an event, like divorce, I find myself thinking in terms of the event for a while. So this divorce, this considering of relationships (specifically and in general) with my sweet, beautiful friend--it has me remembering what led up to me getting married and how Brian and I have grown together.

I remember high school--friends, boyfriends and late nights. I had a lot of fun in high school. I remember college--independence, adventures, friends, boyfriends and late nights. I had more fun in college. There are people I will never forget. People I will always love. People I've met since college who have influenced my life.

But.

I don't think I've ever loved and appreciated my husband as much as I do these days. I love him dearly. He is much more to me than others who have space in my heart. I feel so incredibly lucky to be with him and to parent children with him. He's a good man who understands Love.

Remember the quote at the top? I said that this post would be in the spirit of that quote. I sometimes feel very self-conscious talking about what's going right in my life. I find myself thinking, who am I to be happy and satisfied when there are people in the world who seem to be unhappy and dissatisfied? But "[our] playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you....We are all meant to shine." I think this is true.