I was uncomfortable then. I tried to point out the hyperbole of her statement indirectly by saying something like "Yep, they're the weirdest on the planet." Sarcasm.
Now it's the morning after and my brain won't let go of it. I want to explain to this young lady what bothers me so much about what happened last night. Calling someone weird is hardly terrible, at least it happens. A lot.
Even before the name calling last night (call it as I see it), I was thinking about weirdness and fitting in after reading this blog post yesterday afternoon.
It won't surprise many people to hear that I have been called weird for as long as I can remember. One of my earliest memories happens at a playground where some kid asked me if I was a boy or a girl. I was a tomboy. I hated dresses, idolized my big brother, and had just been "shorn" of my long ponytails because my mom couldn't get lice out of my long hair. I had my ears pierced, but few other clues pointed me out as a girl.
Teachers (well, okay--one teacher) called me weird in junior high, but she also said I was cute. Friends called me eccentric in college, I've been called crazy, daring, and courageous for my unconventional choices.
What I want to tell that young lady is this:
Calling people weird is hurtful. It doesn't help anyone or anything. When you call people weird, I find myself thinking, "So ...what? Does everyone have to be just like you to be okay?" The thing about judging other people is that we are all at risk. From the President of the United States of America to the most highly paid popstar to Nobel Laureates and über successful super nerds. None of us has a way of escaping the critical eye of some other human being who feels like taking someone down a notch.
Nerd. Weird. Slut. Faggot. Bitch. Redneck. Anorexic. Slob. Anal. Stuck up. Geek. Fat. Loser. Freak. Self absorbed. Stupid. Jerk. Airhead. Obsessed. Hippy. Prude. Whore. Feminist. Chauvinist. Clueless. Fake. Douchebag. Druggie.
Anyone who doesn't conform is subject to being judged and labeled.
Why do we do it? Insecurity? Is it a way we cope with our differences that soothes the fear in us that we may not measure up? Psychologists used to think it was insecurity. The conventional wisdom now is that "bullies usually have a sense of entitlement and superiority over others, and lack compassion, impulse control and social skills."
What's really wrong with giving people a label, though? Is it really so wrong?
Labeling people or excluding people is not a positive thing.
There are alternatives.
Really. There are alternatives. If someone is different than you and bugs you, you don't have to say that they're weird. You can just smile and nod and do your own thing. Be civil. Better than that, we can act with compassion.
