By request: my talk for sacrament meeting November 11, 2007. I never wrote out a talk before, but while I was preparing this one my Grandma called. In our conversation she asked if I would be writing it out. I seized the day and told her I would, whereupon she asked for a copy. Here it is, minus most of the dumb little jokes I threw in to relieve my stress.
***
Brian and I were asked to speak on the subject of Elder Eyring’s conference talk “O Remember, Remember” from last month. In one of the talks I read to prepare for my own, a talk by Steven E. Snow, was a story about how we often fail to appreciate our own blessings and wish instead for others.
It was a story about his brother, Paul, who worked at a gas station in St. George, Utah—which happens to be 170 miles from the Grand Canyon.
He tells how one summer day, a customer driving a car with New York plates pulled in the station and asked for a fill-up. The driver asked him how far it was to the Grand Canyon and Paul told him that it was 170 miles.
'“I’ve waited all my life to see the Grand Canyon,” the man exclaimed. “What’s it like out there?”
“I don’t know,” Paul answered. “I’ve never been there.”
“You mean to tell me,” the man responded, “that you live two and a half hours from one of the seven wonders of the world and you’ve never been there!”
“That’s right,” Paul said.
After a moment, the man replied, “Well, I guess I can understand that. My wife and I have lived in Manhattan for over 20 years, and we’ve never visited the Statue of Liberty.”
“I’ve been there,” Paul said.'
How often do we ignore our own blessings and accomplishments while we yearn to be in someone else’s place? How often do we look at someone else’s talents and wish they were ours instead of cherishing and using our own?
One talent that I find myself admiring in others is the ability to tell jokes well. This is not one of my strong points, but I hope you will bear with me through this one:
A bishop and a lawyer were in car accident and showed up at the pearly gates together. The lawyer was ahead of the bishop in line. When it came time for the lawyer to go through, St. Peter siad, what’s your name? The lawyer said, “John Smith.”
“John Smith, the lawyer?”
“That’s right.”
St. Peter takes john Smith by the hand and leads him forward through confetti and balloons to a parade and his escorted through the gates with a cheering heavenly host.
The bishop is next and he is pretty excited, because he knows he lived a good life. St. Peter greets him and asks his name.
“Joe Thomas,” says the bishop.
“Joe Thomas, the bishop?”
The bishop nods his head.
St. Peter says, “Glad to have you, Joe. Now you’ll want to take your first left and keep on going until you see the arches. From there, take three right hand turns and you’ll be set.”
The bishop is puzzled. He says, “I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but did I miss something? Did I do something wrong? The guy before me got a parade!”
St. Peter says, “Oh! I’m sorry. That must have come off wrong. You see, we get bishops here all the time. That lawyer was the first one ever.”
***
In his talk, Elder Eyring suggests that we ask ourselves “Have I seen the hand of God reaching out to touch me or my family today?”
I was a little surprised at how difficult it has been to think of personal stories to share to make this talk more interesting—not because I haven’t seen the Lord’s hand in my life, but because so many of these blessings—maybe some of my greatest blessings—are so personal. It has been a challenge to figure out how to put them in context properly. The Lord blesses us in so many ways that in order to simplify this subject so I could talk about it, I decided to narrow it down to just a few.
I first thought about blessings that come through people: our families, our friends, our acquaintances and some times even strangers. I am convinced that our Heavenly Father is a master delegator. If the Lord wants to send brownies and a kind word, he will send a neighbor or a friend. We also learn from each other’s mistakes and each other’s successes. This first category is blessings through People.
The second category is Service. It is a blessing to function as the Lord’s hands, to speak the words that he would have us speak—whether on a mission to an investigator or as a Primary teacher to a child. We’ve technically been living in our home since September first and I have already been asked to serve as a member of the enrichment committee. In this short time, by meeting together to plan enrichment activities, I have been blessed by my association with some wonderful women. In my experience, service is one of the best ways to get to know people.
There are other times when events align so precisely that they can’t quite be explained by just calling them coincidence. These are the deeply personal ways that our Father in Heaven lets us know that he knows and loves each of us. These are the “tender mercies of the Lord” that Elder Bednar spoke about in 2005. I’m calling this category “Tender Mercies.”
I thought of the last category in Relief Society last week when Cherie Sebring talked about how sleep-deprived and exhausted she had become caring for little Anna. She said that she knew that as tired as she was and as much as she wished Anna would sleep instead of cry, she knew that it was a blessing, not a punishment. How often do we mistake blessings for punishments? The third category is “Adversity.”
Last of all—and maybe this is because our two-year old daughter, Lucy has started to use this word--I also want to talk about why we need to remember our blessings. In an Ensign article called “Gratitude As a Saving Principle,” James E. Faust wrote: “The Lord has said, “And in nothing doth man offend God, or against none is his wrath kindled, save those who confess not his hand in all things, and obey not his commandments” (D&C 59:21). It is clear to me from this scripture that to “thank the Lord thy God in all things” (D&C 59:7) is more than a social courtesy; it is a binding commandment.”
PeopleIn the September 2001 Ensign, Gordon B. Hinckley wrote, “the Lord has given us others with whom we may associate and thereby build up our spirits and strengthen our courage—disciples of like mind, of like heart, of like spirit.”
The Lord has blessed us through our families, friends and associates. While we were waiting for our home to be finished, we lived with Brian’s mom, Judy and his sister, Suzanne. I gained so much from that few months in her home. From how to clean my sink without wasting so much water, to great ways I can interact with Lucy that I never dreamed of. I am grateful to my Heavenly Father for blessing me with her brilliant example.
There is a study that appeared in the New England Journal of Medicine (Vol. 357) a few months ago that has been popping up in the news lately. When I started thinking about how the Lord blesses us through our association with others, I thought of this study and its findings. The title of the study is “The Spread of Obesity in a Large Social Network Over 32 Years.” It was co-written by Nicholas Christakis of Harvard University’s Department of Health Care Policy and James Fowler from University of California, San Diego. In this study, it was found that obesity appears to spread across social ties. After controlling for other factors, it was found that the strongest patterns of weight gain existed among friends.
By compiling records that had been kept for 32 years, they found that a person's chance of becoming obese increased by 57 percent if that person's close friend became obese. If it was a sibling or a spouse, the person's risk went up by more than one-third. Next-door neighbors, however, had no influence at all. Conversely, if a person decides to make better lifestyle choices, this tends to affect his or her friends positively.
I’m not here to talk about health—but to me this makes absolute sense. When we associate with people, we may share meals, but more importantly, we end up sharing ideas and views with one another. I, unfortunately, haven’t found any studies on how being good friends with a person of good character increases our chances of becoming better by 57 percent.
When we associate with people with good values, traits and habits, it makes sense that we are more likely to adopt these positive attributes to make them our own.
I have been blessed with good friends throughout my life, and because I have stayed close to my roots in Centerville and Bountiful, I am able to get together with friends that I have known since grade school. A few weeks ago, I was visiting with one of these friends and I started to tell her about going to Wheeler Farm with another good friend of mine. Suddenly I realized that these two wonderful friends of mine had met each other at a baby shower, and I said, “Oh, you know her—she’s the one that reminds me so much of you.” My friend then gave me a great compliment when she told me, “That’s funny, she reminded me a lot of you.”
I am grateful to be blessed with friends and family members who are an excellent example to me in so many ways.
ServiceLike each of these categories, service is a broad title. Service can take the form of planting trees for a community to holding a child for a frazzled parent to serving a mission in the later years of life.
Gordon B. Hinckley in his First Presidency message Aug 1992 entitled “I Believe” wrote, “ I believe in the obligation and blessing of service. I speak of that service which is given without expectation of monetary reward. Most of the troubles of the world come because of human greed. What a therapeutic and wonderful thing it is for a man or woman to set aside all consideration of personal gain and reach out with strength and energy and purpose to help the unfortunate, to improve the community, to clean up the environment and beautify our surroundings. How much greater would be the suffering of the homeless and the hungry in our own communities without the service of hundreds of volunteers who give of their time and substance to assist them.
James E. Faust gave a wonderful example of service when he told about a flight he took in Mexico with an overburdened mother who traveled with several small children.
“Soon the children were being lovingly and tenderly comforted and cared for by the other passengers. They were passed from one passenger to another all over the airplane. The result was an airplane full of baby-sitters. The children settled down in the caring arms of those who cradled them and before long went to sleep. Most remarkable was that a few men who were obviously fathers and grandfathers tenderly cradled and caressed the newborn child. The mother was freed from the care of her children most of the flight. The only thing I felt bad about was that no one passed the baby to me!
In his article, “I Believe,” President Hinckley said this about our place in the world. “Though my work may be menial, though my contribution may be small, I can perform it with dignity and offer it with unselfishness. My talents may not be great, but I can use them to bless the lives of others. I can be one who does his work with pride in that which comes from hand and mind. I can be one who works with respect for my associates, for their opinions, for their beliefs, with appreciation for their problems and with a desire to help them should they stumble. I believe in the principle that I can make a difference in this world. It may be ever so small. But it will count for the greater good. The goodness of the world in which we live is the accumulated goodness of many small and seemingly inconsequential acts.”
I have a deep testimony of the blessings that come to us when we choose to serve our fellow man. I know that the Lord holds many blessings in store for us which can only come when we willingly put our hands in his to do the work he has asked us to do. I also know of one sure way to improve my day – any day. This is to find a way to be of service to someone.
Tender MerciesWhen I graduated from high school, I enrolled at Southern Utah University. I spent two good years there then decided to spend my junior year in Senegal, West Africa. During my summer at home in Centerville I decided that I would serve a mission when I turned 21. I decided to enrolling at Utah State University as a senior in order to be closer to home so I could meet with the bishop from my home ward in Centerville in order to file my mission papers.
In retrospect, there was no good reason for me to do this. I had a lot of very good friends waiting for me in Cedar City, not to mention a scholarship and plenty of options for jobs. Any bishop could work with me to file my mission papers. I could have been even closer to home by attending the U of U in Salt Lake. I hadn’t even thought about applying for a scholarship at Utah State, I didn’t know anyone in Logan but a cousin.
Now for the interesting part. My cousin happened to know a group of girls who had a spot open up in their apartment. This group of girls happened to know a group of guys who also had a single spot open in their apartment. Brian had been pursuing his education in Salt Lake. One of his good friends talked him into enrolling at Utah State, and the rest is history. I didn’t go and a mission. I got married right after I graduated from college.
My decision to prepare to serve a mission put me on a path which the Lord directed to marriage to my sweet husband instead.
A recent example of the Lord’s tender mercy that came to mind was the process of moving that we completed in September.
More than a year ago, Brian and I knew that we had a big decision to make about our home. We were very happy there and knew that we had come to the point where we needed to decide whether to plan to stay in our home for the long haul or to start looking for a new home. It wasn’t an easy choice, but we felt good about the decision to stay.
We started on the remodeling projects that we would not have undertaken otherwise. We gutted and redid our two bathrooms and redid the kitchen. We recarpeted and repainted. Those of you have experienced remodeling understand how relieved and pleased we were to have all of these projects come to completion. It meant an end to constant messes. It meant returning what seemed like hundreds of things, big and small, to their rightful places, it meant a return to normalcy. As the tarps and stepladders and tools and dust were purged from our home one last time, we began to realize how great it looked. We had agonized over these small decisions—what tile to put in the bathrooms? What shower? What cabinets? What finishes? For me, it was a true exercise of faith. I was worried that what we had chosen would somehow be wrong. But we were utterly happy with the results. We did not want to move.
And one day, my wonderful mother-in-law happened to mention that there was a beautiful house under construction and it wasn’t far. If I remember right, she just mentioned it, just told me where it was and that there was a phone number I could call. I didn’t tell Brian that I was going to look at the house because I didn’t want to make it an issue. I was sure I didn’t want to move.
I walked through the house and loved it. I didn’t expect to love it. I expected the house to confirm how perfect our house was for us. Instead, I recognized how perfect the new house was for us. It was still overwhelming because I had been so focused on staying put—I had been so sure that I hadn’t even have considered a new house.
All the new homes I had seen were on tiny lots or on streets I didn’t want to be on, or were too expensive, faced the wrong direction, or were the wrong layout. This one wasn’t. I went though the mental list I had of all of the things I didn’t like about other houses. My list evaporated when I considered this house which was still under construction.
I talked to Brian and we arranged to have a tour of the house. During this tour, we were astonished by the coincidences we found. Tile, stone, doors, the proposed finishes of the builder were exactly or incredibly close to those we would have chosen. So many things fell into place. To me, the numerous instances of recognition and affirmation were not coincidence, they were the Lord’s tender mercies assuring me that this was the place for us. I have no doubt that this is where we should be right now.
This description of tender mercies at work in my own life doesn’t begin to cover half of the experiences that contributed to the peace that I felt when we decided to buy our home. Like most of the tender mercies with which we are blessed by a loving Heavenly Father, they are powerful for whom they are meant, but may mean nothing to anyone else.
AdversityThe Lord is a tender and merciful father to us, providing numerous opportunities for us to witness his hands and his love in our lives. He is also very good at tough love.
Edmund Burke defined the role of adversity well when he said: “Difficulty is a severe instructor, set over us by [one] who knows us better than we know ourselves, and he loves us better too. … He that wrestles with us strengthens our nerves, and sharpens our skill. Our antagonist is our helper. This … conflict with difficulty [makes us acquainted] with our object, and compels us to consider it in all its relations. It will not suffer us to be superficial” (“Reflections on the Revolution in France,” in Edmund Burke, Harvard Classics, 50 vols. [1909], 24:299–300).
To me, this is not much different than a loving parent who, with the knowledge born of years, suffers a child to practice piano day after day, despite complaints and rebellion from the player.
When I was growing up, one of my dad’s favorite hobbies was gardening. Each of us five children were expected to do our share of weeding every week. I remember being less than thrilled about this chore, but I am grateful for the experience. I now have my own yard to weed and I hope to have a garden.
Lucy is still at the point where she thanks me for clipping her nails and thanks me for brushing her teeth or doing her hair. I know that there is a good chance that she will reach a point where she will regularly complain about the things I ask her to do. This year, by spending time outside playing with Lucy and doing yard work, I had the opportunity to observe a family with teenagers while they were also outside. These were pretty normal teenagers. They did their share of complaining. I couldn’t help but overhear a loud conversation between a teenager and his dad. It went something like this, “Son, you need to do the things your mother asks you to do.”
“Dad, she’s always asking me to do stuff. I don’t want to do what she says all the time.”
If I knew this kid better, I might have taken him aside and given him some advice, but I didn’t, so I’m going to give this advice to everybody between the ages of 10 and 20 in this congregation.
If you can discipline yourself to listen to your parents for just a small amount of time each day, and be respectful of them…If you can sacrifice an hour or two of your time to do your duty to your family by cleaning your room or raking leaves or helping with dinner, I really, really believe that you will find that your parents will treat you more like an adult by respecting your decision to skateboard or read or play Guitar Hero or talk on the phone or hang out at the mall in your free time. You see, when you act like an adult, you get treated like an adult.
For better or for worse, there are much more difficult challenges in life than doing chores or enduring conversations with our parents. At times, we are pushed to our limits by trials we never could have imagined.
About enduring trials and lasting hardship, Merrill J. Bateman said this, “Adversity comes to everyone, including the righteous (see Ps. 34:19). Trials and tribulations take many forms: the death of a loved one, a marriage that is different than expected, no marriage, a divorce, a child born with a disability, no children, losing a job, parents who make mistakes, a wayward son or daughter, ill health. The list is endless. Why did God make allowances in His plan for disappointment, pain, suffering, and death? Is adversity necessary for one to build a Christ-centered life, to receive the image of God in his or her countenance?”
“An understanding of the plan of salvation, of premortality, earth life, and life after death provides perspective that helps one endure. As stated in the scriptures, the earth was created by God as a testing ground (see Abr. 3:24–26). Mortal life on earth is a probationary period (see Alma 12:24; Alma 34:32). Opposition, disappointments, pain, suffering, and death are necessary to protect agency and provide for spiritual development (see 2 Ne. 11). On the other hand, if life were limited to our mortal experience, adversity could not be understood and life would be unfair. Without an understanding of God’s plan, it is natural to define moral standards in terms of the natural man. Without an eternal perspective, there are no meaningful explanations for man’s inhumanity to man or for earthquakes, floods, or children with disabilities.”
I have been through some trials. These were ordeals that I never would have imagined I would face, and certainly with my limited mortal experience, never would have chosen for myself; but I have developed strengths that would not have been mine if I hadn’t been though these difficult times. Because of adversity in my life, because of these times of heartache and pain and loss, my testimony has grown and I have more to offer those around me.
I know that the Lord permits us to suffer because he loves us. He wants us to gain depth and strength and resolve. Like James E. Faust wrote, “I am persuaded that there can be a necessary refining process in adversity that increases our understanding, enhances our sensitivity, makes us more Christlike.”
WhyAnyone who has spent enough time with young children to hear them ask “why” again and again will be acquainted with the perplexed feeling of trying to explain the seemingly inexplicable or trying to explain what seems obvious. Fortunately, explaining why we should earnestly seek to remember how our Father in Heaven has blessed us is not unexplainable. It also may not always be obvious. It is a common folly for people with many blessings to take their blessings for granted. I think each of us is guilty of this at least some of the time.
In D&C 88:33, it says “For what doth it profit a man if a gift is bestowed upon him, and he receive not the gift?”
When the Apostle Paul wrote to Timothy that in the last days “men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy” (2 Tim. 3:2). He was talking about our day. James E. Faust wrote that “These sins are fellow travelers, and ingratitude makes one susceptible to all of them.”
One story that has a lot to teach us about gratitude is the story of Christ healing the ten lepers. These men, forbidden by law to approach anyone who was not also afflicted with this loathsome, terrible disease, called to Jesus and said, “Jesus, Master, have mercy on us.” Jesus told them to go show themselves to the priest.
“And it came to pass, that, as they went, they were cleansed.
“And one of them, when he saw that he was healed, turned back, and with a loud voice glorified God.
“And fell down … at his feet, giving him thanks: and he was a Samaritan.
“And Jesus answering said, Were there not ten cleansed? but where are the nine?
“There are not found that returned to give glory to God, save this stranger.
“And he said unto him, Arise, go thy way: thy faith hath made thee whole” (Luke 17:12–19).
Can you begin to imagine yourself in this story? Can you imagine yourself stricken with this flesh-rotting disease? Healed? And only one of the ten returned to Christ to thank him. Of this, James E. Faust wrote, “It is difficult to understand why they were so lacking in gratitude. Such ingratitude is self-centered. It is a form of pride.”
He then goes on to make a less obvious point, saying “What is the significance of the fact that the one who returned to give thanks was a Samaritan? As in the story of the good Samaritan, the point seems to be that those of lesser social or economic status often rise to a greater duty and nobility.”
In “O, Remember, Remember”, Henry B. Eyring said, “the challenge to remember has always been the hardest for those who are blessed abundantly. Those who are faithful to God are protected and prospered. That comes as the result of serving God and keeping His commandments. But with those blessings comes the temptation to forget their source. It is easy to begin to feel the blessings were granted not by a loving God on whom we depend but by our own powers.”
So, besides being a commandment, why is gratitude so important? Why should we “confess His hand in all things” and “thank the Lord in all things?”
In the 1996 December Ensign, James E. Faust gives a good answer, “It seems as though there is a tug-of-war between opposing character traits that leaves no voids in our souls. As gratitude is absent or disappears, rebellion often enters and fills the vacuum. I do not speak of rebellion against civil oppression. I refer to rebellion against moral cleanliness, beauty, decency, honesty, reverence, and respect for parental authority. A grateful heart is a beginning of greatness. It is an expression of humility. It is a foundation for the development of such virtues as prayer, faith, courage, contentment, happiness, love, and well-being.”
HowHow can we find ways to recognize and remember God’s kindness if we aren’t already doing this? How can we do this better? In his talk, President Eyring counseled us that “seeing such things takes the Holy Ghost.”
He reminds us that, “The key to the remembering that brings and maintains testimony is receiving the Holy Ghost as a companion. It is the Holy Ghost who helps us see what God has done for us. It is the Holy Ghost who can help those we serve to see what God has done for them.”
In Moroni 7: 19, we are advised to “search diligently in the light of Christ” to “lay hold” upon “every good thing,” and that this will certainly lead us to become children of Christ. I testify to you that when we search our lives for our Father in Heaven’s benevolent hand, our relationship with him will be strengthened. We will be blessed and our loved ones will be blessed.
I close with another quote from James E Faust, from Gratitude as a Saving Principle, “As with all commandments, gratitude is a description of a successful mode of living. The thankful heart opens our eyes to a multitude of blessings that continually surround us. President J. Reuben Clark, formerly a First Counselor in the First Presidency, said: “Hold fast to the blessings which God has provided for you. Yours is not the task to gain them, they are here; yours is the part of cherishing them” (Church News, 14 June 1969, 2).”
I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
